Tag Archive for vagina

down UNDER

this might be my second post titled that. LOL.

anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:

banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!

anyway, speaking of beavers…

well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.

BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.

moist wipes.

first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.

well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.

i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.

as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roommate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.

i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cottonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.

they say it’s the small victories.

the ‘ginal frontier

okay, i’m not trying to turn this into a sex blog, but in the next few posts i may have a few things to get off my chest.

the first is the subject of labiaplasty. if you will remember, i wrote a post about this surgery a long time ago. to this day, i get loads of google hits from people either looking for more info about getting the surgery, or people who want to see pics of women with “huge labia naked.” good times. basically, it entails having the inner (more commonly) or outer labia reduced in size surgically. it is one of the fastest-growing types of plastic surgery. this is a complicated subject for me because sometimes i go insane and think of all the different plastic surgeries i “need”, so at this point it’s kind of like, “okay, okay, i’ll have one of those too!” but… well, i think this one is the most misogynistic of all. i have read accounts of women having it because their labia are so large it is painful during sex or to ride a bike or whatever, but i have also read that that is extremely uncommon and most of the labiaplasty surgeries being performed today are for cosmetics reasons.

i caught the last 2/3rds of an episode of dr. 90210 the other day where he was Microkiniperforming this surgery on a girl who supposedly had the former problem. but then, after, she kept saying something like, “i’m going to feel so confident with the way i look” and “now i can wear a bikini at the beach.” okay, what? i am fat, so i never shop for swimwear, but i say unless you are rocking the stylish number to the right (which i’m pretty sure is only legal in florida due to the laws of good taste in other states), there would never be the chance of an “inner-lip slip.” she would seriously have to have dumbo wings down there, and the doctor showed the detached skin pieces during the surgery and they were not THAT huge!

which brings me to my side point of why can they show pieces of labia on tv and not labia on a woman? also, in that same episode of dr. 90210 another doctor was performing top surgery on a transman (female to male). he was showing him before and after photos on the computer and the pictures of the guy’s chests before surgery, with female breasts, were blurred, but the ones post-surgery were not. i don’t know… it just got me thinking. everyone knows you can show a man’s chest on tv and not a woman’s, but i forgot why. decency? and what makes a man’s chest a man’s chest? surgery? hormones? and then it is suddenly “decent”? i am not meaning to be transphobic here, because i am fully behind the fact that a transman is 100% a man, but i really would like to know what makes his body more decent than mine, regardless of which chromosomes he was born with.

anyhoo, some speculate that the real reason labiaplasty is spreading like wildfire, as well as vaginal rejuvenation, and other surgeries that create “designer vaginas,” is that porn has become so mainstream, therefore women suddenly have more pictures to compare themselves to. these pictures, however, depict most often an “ideal” that the majority of women don’t live up to, namely tiny or non-existent labia. studies have even shown, however, that many men (should you care what they think. i personally do not.) actually prefer larger labia. my google hits are certainly an Realhousewivesexample of that! don’t tell this to the women who are flocking to have this procedure done, though. this makes me sad. the real reason i love plastic surgery so much is because sometimes it can be SO FUNNY, like the terrifying freaky Courtney_love_now_1147941283monsterface ladies on “the real housewives of orange county,” a host of people who are actually famous for a reason, and half the women that used to come into the salon i worked at. man, that shit is hi.lar.ious! i guess, in many ways, this is a societal problem as well, but i like to think that unnecessary plastic surgeries, the chiseled noses, taught-skinned faces, and shiny balloon animal lips, are a present that god (or whomever) gave to those of us who have any perception of reality what-so-ever to look at and giggle. it doesn’t help any of us at all, though, for ladies to be going around messing with the perfection that is the pussy. that is just not funny at all!

so, you are probably thinking, “amanda, if you are so disturbed by all of these google hits re: labiaplasty, why are you writing about it again?” WELL, the reason is before i was a tiny bit ambivalent about it, but i Cuntcoloringbook_2would like to let it be known hereafter that i absolutely denounce this surgery unless it is a serious, painful case. if you landed here on my blog because you are curious to know if you look normal, get yourself a copy of the cunt coloring book, some colored pencils, a case of beer, rent some real lesbian porn (mostly boooooring sex scenes, but realistic bodies), and invite over your friends. you don’t have to bring hand mirrors a la the 70s, but talk about it, and you will most definitely learn a lot about what “normal” looks like.