okay, so, i have a few things on my mind. the first is obviously fergie of the black eyed peas and solo fame. i say “obviously” because it is so not obvious. as you all know, i hate fergie… or so i THOUGHT. upon careful consideration i realized that i actually enjoy fergie, the woman. she seems like a real kick. i just hate her music. but wait, why do i LOVE the song “glamorous”? it is just so good. so bad it’s good! it might have something to do with it playing 500,000,000 times while molly and sarah were here, but for some reason i really enjoy it. i always sing along to it and accidentally sing “g-l-a-m-o-U…” and then feel like an idiot because everyone in the club must think i can’t spell. not so! i just spell glamourous the british way. duh.
anyways, i am also thoroughly enjoying the new radio station in l.a. called movin 93.9. it rules. where else can i listen to both 50 cent and lionel ritchie? seriously, the other day they played that lionel song “all night long” and i thought to myself “i should change this. this is wrong…. but i want to hear it…” and it was just a real pickle to be in. then i realized that it was okay to listen to it because it was playing on the station i was ALREADY listening to. thank god. fiesta forever!
in other news, i have decided to re-embark on my starvation diet. this diet, to remind you, includes mainly slim fast, cigarettes, ice chips, and shame. so i was at target and i decided to buy a twelve pack of slim fast optima and also a twelve pack of target brand ultimate diet shake and do a taste test showdown, as the target brand is a whopping $2 cheaper than the name brand. the only problem was i bought the slim fast in chocolate and the target brand in vanilla. so really, the taste test is compromised. i will tell you that the sf brand is 100 times thicker than the target brand, which is basically vanilla water (yum), and therefore is probably way more filling. i can’t tell you for sure yet at this time though, because i washed down my first round of diet shakes with thai noodles.
what i can tell you for certain, however, is that target brand “compare to playtex” tampons do NOT compare to playtex. i buy playtex tampons because as they absorb moisture, they open all the way around, like a gentle flower. other brands, such as tampax, get longer and fatter. this creates a situation in which you know to change your tampon because it begins to actually emerge from your pussy. now, maybe i have a shallow vagina or something, but in general i find this to be fairly vexatious. well friends, just fyi, the target brand “playtex” tampons do that too. they are not like playtex at all, not at all!
well, that’s about all i have to say re: consumer affairs. i was beginning to worry that my poverty was turning me into a butch because i am so poor that looking at the sephora catalog didn’t even give me half a boner, but now i have spent a good half a paragraph talking about my va-jay-jay, so i feel whole again. plus the whole catalog is practically about bronzer and i have already found my fav bronzer (NARS laguna, if you will recall) and i dunno why everyone is so obsessed with being tan anyway.
it is nearly five a.m. and i have a job interview tomorrow. i have decided that i don’t think i can keep my job at Buffalo Kitchen because it is nipping away at the last few drops of my dignity. i am not a proud person (obviously) but i don’t like feeling stupid and i think everyone at Buffalo Kitchen thinks i am some kind of idiot because i refuse to learn how and where to seat the “guests.” the harsh truth is that i simply don’t care. i am sorry, i simply do not care! if you ask me, the servers should be standing at the host stand, gnashing their teeth at one another to get those “guests” and the tips they hold within their wallets. instead, they get mad every time i seat someone in their section. hostess, indeed! my idea of being a true hostess would include at least giving a hand job, and a tip for ME. seriously, i would take more pride in that.
so there you have it. not only do i like a fergie song, but i am chubby, have a tiny ‘gina, and would totally give $10 hand jobs.
okay, so why do i love myself more than EVER right now?