Tag Archive for shopping

down UNDER

this might be my second post titled that. LOL.

anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:

banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!

anyway, speaking of beavers…

well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.

BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.

moist wipes.

first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.

well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.

i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.

as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roommate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.

i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cottonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.

they say it’s the small victories.

the sweet smell of moderate success at things no one cares about but me

first things first, i am pretty sure you guys all understand this, but i want to remind you just in case you forgot: i write these generally between 2-6 a.m. because i am a crazed night owl, so when i say “today” it means yesterday to you, and “yesterday” means the day before, etc etc.

so, regarding “today,” i had one of those not leaving the house all day life sucks bummer bummer days again, but that’s mostly because i cannot seem to shake these cold-like symptoms and also i went to long beach last night to hang out with the lbc crew and i drank a little too much because… well… i was in long beach.

i’m having serious self-esteem issues right now on account of the feeling that i’m wearing a fat suit on the day to day, so it was probably not the best idea to then, as my only outing of the day today, go try on a bunch of hideous clothes, but my mom came home and insisted that i go to kohl’s with her, so i did. YES I SAID KOHL’S. my mom loves the new kohl’s they put in in our neighborhood something awful. man, does she love it! it was actually a kind of nice outing in which we bonded over choosing colorful new bathroom rugs and a shower curtain, but then she asked me to look for something to wear to the women’s luncheon we are going to this weekend. trying on clothes at kohl’s of all places is not what you wanna do when you are depressed and fat. it’s a wonder i didn’t kill myself then and there with the pointy end of a clothes hanger, but somehow i made it out with a very simple but cute black blouse for saturday. when i get fat i instantly go goth, it’s actually very sexy. hahahaha.

Missdiorspeaking of sexy, my friend baby d always smells really good and she refuses to tell anyone what it is she wears. i tried to explain that it’s not really my jam anyway and i just wanted to know out of curiosity, but her lips are sealed. i think this plan is actually quite genius, very sexy and mysterious-like. i would steal it, in fact, but i already told the world that my signature scent is christian dior miss dior cherie. this truth was threatened recently, however, when my mom found this extra bottle of it she bought last christmas when she bought one for me. one morning i woke up with a start, sniffing like a hound because i smelled it in the air as she was leaving for work. the following evening i politely (shrilly) explained to her that as my mother she is not allowed to jack my signature scent! first of all, the strawberry, raspberry sorbet, and caramel corn notes in the scent are far too unsophisticated for a woman of her age and stature, and secondly i have a very very strong sense of scent-memory, and i cannot feel like i smell like my mother when she’s headed to work in the morning as i do the things i do on a daily basis, which generally involve booze and sex. just kidding! mostly. i don’t drink every day. usually.

Yellowmati do, however, usually wear miss dior cherie every day because it is heavy and womanly enough for night, but also young and fruity enough for warm weather, day, and a girl my age. good stuff. some days i switch it up though, because even though i decided when i turned 25 i needed a signature scent, i am still a perfume whore. for xmas i got a bottle of yellow mat by masaki matsushima, which i have been dying to have for AGES. it basically looks and smells like sunshine in a bottle, with notes of citrus, watermelon, and then watery woods. the only problem i have with it is that it doesn’t seem to me that it lasts at all, but when i wear it i always get compliments, so i guess maybe it just wears off for the wearer. oh, also, it is this close to smelling like d&g light blue and moschino i love love, both of which i love in the bottle and on others, but smell like ass on me. yellow mat smells good on me, but it has similar dry down notes so i always get nervous for a second.

then there is the matter of the new scent joe got me for vday, escada moon sparkle. i feel like that one is good for layering because it adds that fruitiness that i like. people always wrinkle their nose at fruity of foody perfumes, but i found i get so many compliments when i wear them! weird. joe does really hate my comptoir sud pacifique vanille abricot though. he makes a hideous face every time i get in the car wearing it, opens the window, and says “babe, you smell like ice cream!” EWWW ICE CREAM?!?!?! whatever, joe, what do you know? i had to explain to himVersace_new_fragrance38397 that that fragrance is very popular, somewhat expensive, and from france! he did not care. the good news is i think i have discovered my new backup signature scent, should my mom, my grandma, or, say, joe himself ever decide that they too must smell like fruity lady popcorn. the new one from versace is super feminine and very floral, as you can imagine by the maker and the bottle, but it is also has a freshness to it and a slight sparkle that makes me want to check it out. i know it’s the last thing i need, but what do i need really? besides money, stability, and the sweet relief that my injured mind craves day-in and day-out?

oh crap.

Telescopiccleandefinitionwhatever, i also need a decent fucking mascara. i still have not found my holy grail of mascaras, but i have been buying and enjoying telescopic by l’oreal since i made this post, which is a big deal for me because normally i have no mascara attention span what-so-ever. recently i decided to stray, though not too far, to try l’oreal telescopic clean definition mascara. HUGE mistake. let me give you a tip that i have finally learned for myself: in the mascara world, “clean” means “invisible,” at least on me. i have decent eyelashes, but my eyes are really tiny, so i like lots of drama to make them stand out. i’m not talking drag queen-style (well, sometimes i do break out the falsies), but i want big, full lashes. no go with this, folks. it has the same shape of brush as original telescopic, meaning it’s one of those comb-style brushes that should apply a lot of product for volume, but still define the lashes well once you learn not to be too heavy-handed. what they have done with this version is made the brush out of that squishy rubber all the companies are using now to tout their wands as “clump-free.” the problem with “clump-free” is it usually also means there won’t be too much volume, so i would only recommend this if you already have lots of lash110507_covergirl_b or if you are looking for the natural look. even then, though, this stuff if a little too gooey and wet upon application and smears and flakes a bit. no go. oh ps i also tried that new cover girl mascara “lash blast” that drew barrymore is whoring and there is NO BLAST. same problem with the rubber bush, no volume. nothing. invisible. i guess there are bigger problems in the world, but it would be nice to settle this mascara thing once and for all. i think i will try one of the newer MAC formulas next, since i can buy them for cheap with my pro card.

well, this weekend is going to be another mellow one in preparation for good times ahead. the next three weekends are going to be kinda crazy so i better rest my pipes. my throat feels like it’s bleeding. no bueno.

old clothes, new cokes

as a woman whose main talents include picking up things with my toes, thrift store shopping, and writing clever myspace comments, you can understand that i will jump at any opportunity to use one of said talents to prove myself useful.

today was no exception. i went on a rare solo expedition to st. vincent de paul thrift store which is, in the words of my reality t.v. co-star, the costco of thrift stores. it is huge and daunting and if you go on the wrong day, picked over by ravenous hipsters. i don’t like going there by myself because there are no changing rooms and i like to have someone around to spot me while i try on clothes. the last thing you want to do is flash some poor, old, mexican grandma your thong. i mean, i hope it is, perv.

anyway, this was the best thrifting day i have had in a while! i found so many good things, including tops and usually i have bad luck with tops. i have a keen eye and sense for a good thrifting find, and love the thrill of the hunt. i have been starting to worry that i am getting old and losing my mojo, but today i proved that no nineteen year-old hip chickie is any match for me, as they ogled me and my finds in line to pay. what a rush! also, as luck would have it, over 90% of the stuff i happened to pick out was half-off ticket items of the week. what a day. i felt like clicking my heels as i walked out of that place.

i sure wish my camera wasn’t still battery-free so i could post some pics. i will later though, i promise.

OMG, one other thing, i am so so so excited about new diet coke plus vitamins and minerals. i’m not making that up, it’s real. it’s new. i need to have it. i am basically addicted to diet coke, like, crackhead style, and this is going to enrich my life in ways untold! i am hoping the vitamins and minerals will negate the carcinogens in the aspartame.

now when oh when will they figure out how to cram the powerful antioxidant benefits of the pomegranate into parliament lights….

i’m “buy.” hardy har.

Lineup_04_2 clearly the consumer concern over the enormous size of pringles chips has reached fever pitch. i say this because they have finally released pringles mini. i say this like i don’t wish i had some right now. i so fall for it when they make a product smaller or a different color. it’s sad. i miss crystal pepsi. i am old enough to remember when they first started making hawaiian punch in colors other than red. it was so exciting! i’m thinking that knowing my weakness makes it okay, but i don’t know, maybe i am fooling myself. last summer when NARS came out with the orgasm blush/laguna bronzer duoNars i HAD to buy it, even though i already have orgasm and laguna in their separate packagings. ah the convenience! you will note that i almost never take my blush or bronzer to go, so really this was pointless, but look how cute they are together, aw! but seriously, if you wear these things and you don’t have either or these colors buy this. orgasm is hands down my favorite blush. i know it’s so typical, but it really does look good on everyone. it makes you look glowy, freshly-fucked and gorgeous. and laguna is the only shimmery bronzer i will use. all the others are way too flashy, but this is subtle and the color is perfect. just fyi.

Image053 the other day i went to the 99 cent store in lincoln heights with albert. we walked the two blocks there, almost got hit by an SUV and saw the most gorgeous pitbull ever. she was white with ice blue eyes and her owner had named her guera. and he was selling her puppies, one of which was named casper. hahahaha. anyway, it was maybe one of the best trips to the 99 cent store ever. i was very impressed with this particular location’s stock of “what the fuck?” items. first, there was the handy nutrigrain bar tote you see here. i didn’t even notice the ritz cracker holder behind it, ha! then, there was this awesome piggy bank albert bought for danielle that has a backside that looks exactly like a boob. at the checkout line there was a display selling chapstick brand chapstick. it was a display from christmas time and there was a woman dressed like santa giving someone the gift of chapstick. this would be a fine gift for someone like myself, who lives on that shit, but i don’t think most people would appreciate that very much.

i love shopping, even at cheap stores. i get the fever. most of my friends hate shopping with me because i read all the labels and group things together to compare them over and over again and it takes forever. i may be a hopeless consumer, but at least i comparison shop, right? not right. i need to quit. well, i have been forced into not buying as many things since i am so utterly poor, but i still buy stuff i shouldn’t and i do miss spending my money on books and cds and makeup. now it all goes to gas and food and booze.


won’t you take me to… shoppingtown?

B000666bvu01a1e5xtdsav2esc_scmzzzzzzz_ i have more lip gloss than god. this is true even if god is a drag queen, as i sincerely hope. i always get really excited at bright pinks and reds, but really it’s nudes that look the best, if you know how to pick them. my favorite is stila banana lip glaze because it is the perfect shade of beige, the perfect opacity to show up but not look chalky, nice and sticky-shiny, and smells like delicious ba-nay-nays. plus you can put it on with one hand if you got the skills, due to the click-pen dispenser. i used to get really worried that i bought way too many beigey lipsticks and lipglosses and i’d say to emily when we went makeup shopping, “em, do not let me buy any nudes!” in turn, i wasn’t supposed to let her buy any more green eyeshadows, but it never worked cause we are both enablers.

well, now i think nude lipglosses are like nipple hickeys: you can never really have too many, and even if you do, very few people will know the difference. hold on, did that make sense?

anyways, today i went to H&M in two different cities. it was kind of embarrassing, except only to me. first i went with cheryl to the one in pasadena after we had lunch. i was only slightly paying attention because i am broke, but the clothes looked okay. then, i went with jenny to the one in the santa anita mall, no, i mean, the “Westfield Shoppingtown Santa Anita.” i can’t get used to calling it that. you’d think i B00000055m01lzzzzzzz
would go crazy over something called a “shoppingtown” but i find it unsettling. anyway, most of the clothes except the basics at that H&M sucked and the jeans were lame. plus the music made me upset. i just don’t understand that screamo-pop crap. i am no music snob, but i just can’t listen to that. it doesn’t make me want to buy stuff, either. if i think a top is sort of cute, my mind would definitely be more swayed to purchase it if the store was blasting, say, “bump & grind” by r. kelly. it would make me feel sexy and the lyrics would creep into my thoughts. “i don’t see nothin’ wrrrong, with usin’ my credit caaard…” see?

god, i am so starting a diet this week. my birthday is in six days, and i am going to lose at least three pounds. good thing there are three tin troughs of louise’s pasta and bread in my fridge left over from our family party on sunday. sweet.

oh, by the way, i figured out the secret of why this birthday feels so right. my birthday is on the 26th, and i am turning twenty-six! that only happens once in a lifetime. how exciting. i’m going to celebrate by nearly starving myself in the days before my birthday party, then drinking way too much on an empty stomach at said party, and puking a little on my pillow! wait, no, that’s what i did last year. better think of something new and different. i’ll be hard pressed to top that, but i have to try, right?