today has been a weird day.
we are moving out of our house and i just keep thinking how we squandered this year, in this lovely little house that had so much promise. then i’m like, oh, wait, we had tons of fun here. too bad a bunch of terrible things happened as well and that’s how it will be remembered. this picture is the view of my room before we moved in. i was pretty excited about this room and that balcony. yeah, that was way before i cried myself to sleep a hundred and fifty times in there, but that is the past. there will be many more cute houses to cry in in my future. i can hardly wait!
and this here is my room with my perfume shelf and movie poster. yes, i am kind of like a twelve-year-old girl except with huge breasts and an almost incapacitating amount of cynicism. but anyway “ma vie en rose” is very special to me because it’s about a little boy who wants to be beautiful and feminine and almost no one will let him be himself. that’s how I feel sometimes too, and i was born female-bodied.
so we are leaving echo park. wow. how insane. how crazy. goodbye coffee shops and art shows i never went to because i hated you, goodbye bars i always went to even though i hated you. seriously though, i will miss my roommates and driving by the beautiful lake every day and even those damn pigeons scratching at the tin balcony awning as they landed in the morning. i will even miss crazy volvo lady, who is crazy, drives a volvo, and ran into our house at my birthday party last year and turned down the music.
yeah, i say this as if i am not going to be in this neighborhood all the fucking time. goddamn it.
today was also my last day working at the salon. it was pretty unceremonious, mostly because i am friends with everyone who works there and will probably see most of them at least once a month and some pretty much every day (whether you like it or not, lacey). but it means more than not working there for me. it is like a sendoff of the last three years of my life… the year in beauty school, taking state boards, two years assisting and then deciding not to do hair. i don’t think it was a mistake per se, because i learned a lot about myself and believe it or not, beauty school was one of the hardest things i ever tried and completed (fyi, in case you didn’t know the only thing i do better than failing is not trying).
it’s cheesy, but it really is the beginning of a whole new chapter for me now. i hold my entire future, living, breathing, huge, and illuminated, in my own hands. my tiny, useless hands.