i’m sick. officially sick with fever. this weekend was too much fun. i will post all about it when i don’t feel like dying.
a couple of months ago this girl i used to be friends with who turned out to be totally insane (i am losing my ability to judge character accurately) called me at 8 in the morning from the city far away she now lives in and left a crazed message calling me a “stupid fucking fat bitch” and accusing me of telling her girlfriend she kissed someone else, which i didn’t, but almost wish i had because then the story would be way better. anyway, i sorted the whole thing out, reasoning with her as much as i could. i got a few more crazy texts, but then at the end of it all, she said
“blog about this and i will kick your ass.”
hahahaha. i thought that was so funny because i wish to god i had a blog in which i wrote about REAL LIFE gossip. totally Gossip Girl style. how fucking hilarious would that be? i just made up three different blind item entries i could write here, but i won’t because that would be awful. people tell me all the time i should have done an anonymous blog and written about all the gossip i know, but that was when i knew any gossip (i don’t anymore. or do i???) and even then i could never do that, mostly because i respect people’s privacy, but also because it would be really fucking obvious it was me. anyways, i don’t really care about gossip anymore. i have enough drama going in my little life to last a lifetime. wait, does sitting around being annoyed by stuff count as drama? whatevs. here is a list of things i find annoying. i am starting south beach next week and it’s going to be hard for me to not be a raging bitch, so i’m going to try and get it all out now.
1) is it hard to make a milkshake? i wouldn’t know because i never do ridiculous things like make milkshakes at home, but it sounds easy enough. i’m not too big on milky sweets, but once in a while i get a craving and such cravings have been thwarted twice lately. once was at the drive thru at burger king (or something) because they said they didn’t make them after a certain time. what the eff? crazy. then a couple of weeks ago i had a horrible hangover only a black and white milkshake could fix (that’s when they make it with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup instead of chocolate ice cream) so joe said he’d get me one at the brite spot. he went there and they said they were understaffed for the lunch shift and couldn’t make any milkshakes. now, i am all for giving overworked employees a break, but their milkshakes are so grossly overpriced, you’d think it would be worth it for them to just take a minute and make one. luckily my man is resourceful and sweet and asked the kind folks at jack and the box to mix the vanilla and chocolate ice creams into a shake for me. good god, i am an ass-pain.
2) this fake nerd look has gone too far. i’m not going to say it doesn’t look cute on some people, but if i see one more blonde-highlighted mall girl-cum-hipster in fake black eyeglasses i am going to walk right up to her and poke her in the eyeballs. i happen to be pretty much legally blind and consider people wearing fake glasses not totally unlike blackface. okay, that is way over the top, but still, i don’t like it. i think my glasses are pretty cute, and i don’t find my contacts to be too much of a hassle, usually, but it’s scary to know that without those things i would be totally dependent on someone else for my simple well being, as i cannot see my own hand unless it is four inches in front of my face. no joke.
3) i hate how “back to school” starts in july. if i still went to school, that would depress the hell out of me. do kids even get summer off anymore? i bet they don’t. look, i hate dealing with children as much as the next person who hates children, but summer memories were some of the best of my life and i guess it’s good for them to be in the general population sometimes. institutionalization is great and all, but so is this.
4) lately i haven’t been sleeping well. my sleep has been very surface, if that makes sense. it feels almost like getting just outside of your body and just rolling over and watching yourself sleep, but still being semi-conscious. and because of this, my dreams have been BEYOND ordinary. i really want to apply to one of those sleep problems things on craigslist, but i’m thinking they probably make you sleep in a tiny glass room wearing a paper nightgown and who could fall asleep like that? also, if you were to fall asleep, what if you fart or confess something embarrassing in your sleep? i mean, i never fart, obviously, or i’d be way less tense, but i totally talk in my sleep, i’ve been told. at length.
5) in my old age, i have gotten way more sensitive to weird stuff. for example, i used to think it was funny when you go somewhere shitty like a coffee shop or something and the person working there is an ass to you. this is for two reasons, one being that i worked in customer service for a long time and i was 19-23 and fucking so rude to stupid people if i thought i could get away with it, and two because if they are rude to you then you can be REALLY rude back, provided they are not in any position to tamper with your food. i have found that being rude back works because it makes the person realize what an ass they are being and usually they start being nice, plus is gets my bitchiness quota for the day over with and i can leave said establishment with a sense of accomplishment knowing that perhaps i paved the way for that clerk/barista/sandwich guy to be nicer to the next customer. anyways, lately i have been really bummed when people are rude. like joe and i were in subway and he was ordering a sandwich and the guy working there was so mean. he was throwing the veggies around and when joe asked for extra mustard he squirted it on all exaggerated-like. this made me very sad because joe was being so polite to this guy and his sandwich order was not that complicated. that dude should have counted his lucky stars i wasn’t getting anything that day because i order mine with heavy lettuce, medium bell peppers, light onions, medium mustard, extra vinegar, but only regular oil, salt and pepper, and pepperoncinis, not too many, but enough and oh, please distribute them evenly on the sandwich. look, i realize that job has to suck pretty fucking bad, but unfortunately getting to choose to have things exactly how you want them is the whole point of subway sandwiches. that dude that was mean to my baby made me so mad, i wanted to ask for his manager, but he was scary and had a neck tattoo and i figured maybe he had enough issues to worry about.
6) in fact, and maybe this is because it’s been so long since i worked in the service industry, or maybe it’s just because i am getting old, but it bothers me a lot more when people drop the ball on the customer service front. i guess that’s because i usually try to be the best customer i can, except for that whole complicated ordering thing, but i always apologize for that and tip well. i used to work in a hair salon and things there were kind of medium in terms of service. like, as an assistant, i hated when they ladies were like “yes, please order my lunch and please test my coffee on your wrist before i drink it so i can make sure it’s not too hot” but i would do it with a smile because it was the best idea to keep them happy and also i did not want to get fired. all of the stylists and colorists there were very professional but it wasn’t overly stuffy, which i hate. well, joe went to get his hair cut at this cute, hip little salon in silverlake and it was cool in there and all, but kind of weird. we stood there for a long time before this guy who i think was the owner got off the couch and said “can i help you?” and then when stylist came out of the back she said, “i’ll be right with you” then proceeded to eat her snack and chit chat with the receptionist for a long time. i know they don’t get much time to eat and stuff, but it was weird not to have anyone offer us drinks or magazines and usually stylists eat in the back room. it just looks better, i think. the girl who did his hair was nice and all, but during the cut she and the owner, who was also cutting, mostly joked and chatted amongst themselves which was weird. i mean, it’s really hard/annoying to have to talk to clients all day, i get that, but why would anyone want to sit there trapped under a cape and a sharp object while you have a conversation with someone else about your partying and inside jokes? no way. then a few days later we were in santa barbara at some record shop and the salesgirl was talking really loudly, even over blasting music, about “the stupid fucking cunt next door” who got her car ticketed. i found it jarring. am i just becoming REALLY old fashioned? i dunno, i also found it strange when she then turned down the music so it was literally silent in the entire store and proceeded to order a sandwich and curse out her friend on the phone.
7) i hate having long hair. i am cutting it off forever next spring.
most of all i guess i am over myself. i have been such a hater lately and, while i feel most, if not all, of it is warranted, it is tiring and i would like to move on.
SO… yeah. i’m just gonna try and work on making myself better and trying to make this blog interesting again. i wish i had some interesting stuff like gay celeb sightings or something, but it takes SO MUCH out of me to go out in hollywood and west hollywood these days, i can’t even imagine doing it. it’s hard to go out at all, actually. i feel really in my own head and out of place. i’m thinking i should take advantage of that time to try and write a lot more and work more on my projects and such, but then i used to get such inspiration from being out, seeing people, etc. these days it all feels so uninspiring. what i really need is a change of scenery, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. all i can see on the horizon is an endless sea of craigslist job postings. and maybe the odd vodka soda.
p.s. if i get my ass kicked, you all know who did it.