Tag Archive for perfume

the sweet smell of moderate success at things no one cares about but me

March 7, 2008 beauty, consume, reviews

first things first, i am pretty sure you guys all understand this, but i want to remind you just in case you forgot: i write these generally between 2-6 a.m. because i am a crazed night owl, so when i say “today” it means yesterday to you, and “yesterday” means the day before, etc etc.

so, regarding “today,” i had one of those not leaving the house all day life sucks bummer bummer days again, but that’s mostly because i cannot seem to shake these cold-like symptoms and also i went to long beach last night to hang out with the lbc crew and i drank a little too much because… well… i was in long beach.

i’m having serious self-esteem issues right now on account of the feeling that i’m wearing a fat suit on the day to day, so it was probably not the best idea to then, as my only outing of the day today, go try on a bunch of hideous clothes, but my mom came home and insisted that i go to kohl’s with her, so i did. YES I SAID KOHL’S. my mom loves the new kohl’s they put in in our neighborhood something awful. man, does she love it! it was actually a kind of nice outing in which we bonded over choosing colorful new bathroom rugs and a shower curtain, but then she asked me to look for something to wear to the women’s luncheon we are going to this weekend. trying on clothes at kohl’s of all places is not what you wanna do when you are depressed and fat. it’s a wonder i didn’t kill myself then and there with the pointy end of a clothes hanger, but somehow i made it out with a very simple but cute black blouse for saturday. when i get fat i instantly go goth, it’s actually very sexy. hahahaha.

Missdiorspeaking of sexy, my friend baby d always smells really good and she refuses to tell anyone what it is she wears. i tried to explain that it’s not really my jam anyway and i just wanted to know out of curiosity, but her lips are sealed. i think this plan is actually quite genius, very sexy and mysterious-like. i would steal it, in fact, but i already told the world that my signature scent is christian dior miss dior cherie. this truth was threatened recently, however, when my mom found this extra bottle of it she bought last christmas when she bought one for me. one morning i woke up with a start, sniffing like a hound because i smelled it in the air as she was leaving for work. the following evening i politely (shrilly) explained to her that as my mother she is not allowed to jack my signature scent! first of all, the strawberry, raspberry sorbet, and caramel corn notes in the scent are far too unsophisticated for a woman of her age and stature, and secondly i have a very very strong sense of scent-memory, and i cannot feel like i smell like my mother when she’s headed to work in the morning as i do the things i do on a daily basis, which generally involve booze and sex. just kidding! mostly. i don’t drink every day. usually.

Yellowmati do, however, usually wear miss dior cherie every day because it is heavy and womanly enough for night, but also young and fruity enough for warm weather, day, and a girl my age. good stuff. some days i switch it up though, because even though i decided when i turned 25 i needed a signature scent, i am still a perfume whore. for xmas i got a bottle of yellow mat by masaki matsushima, which i have been dying to have for AGES. it basically looks and smells like sunshine in a bottle, with notes of citrus, watermelon, and then watery woods. the only problem i have with it is that it doesn’t seem to me that it lasts at all, but when i wear it i always get compliments, so i guess maybe it just wears off for the wearer. oh, also, it is this close to smelling like d&g light blue and moschino i love love, both of which i love in the bottle and on others, but smell like ass on me. yellow mat smells good on me, but it has similar dry down notes so i always get nervous for a second.

then there is the matter of the new scent joe got me for vday, escada moon sparkle. i feel like that one is good for layering because it adds that fruitiness that i like. people always wrinkle their nose at fruity of foody perfumes, but i found i get so many compliments when i wear them! weird. joe does really hate my comptoir sud pacifique vanille abricot though. he makes a hideous face every time i get in the car wearing it, opens the window, and says “babe, you smell like ice cream!” EWWW ICE CREAM?!?!?! whatever, joe, what do you know? i had to explain to himVersace_new_fragrance38397 that that fragrance is very popular, somewhat expensive, and from france! he did not care. the good news is i think i have discovered my new backup signature scent, should my mom, my grandma, or, say, joe himself ever decide that they too must smell like fruity lady popcorn. the new one from versace is super feminine and very floral, as you can imagine by the maker and the bottle, but it is also has a freshness to it and a slight sparkle that makes me want to check it out. i know it’s the last thing i need, but what do i need really? besides money, stability, and the sweet relief that my injured mind craves day-in and day-out?

oh crap.

Telescopiccleandefinitionwhatever, i also need a decent fucking mascara. i still have not found my holy grail of mascaras, but i have been buying and enjoying telescopic by l’oreal since i made this post, which is a big deal for me because normally i have no mascara attention span what-so-ever. recently i decided to stray, though not too far, to try l’oreal telescopic clean definition mascara. HUGE mistake. let me give you a tip that i have finally learned for myself: in the mascara world, “clean” means “invisible,” at least on me. i have decent eyelashes, but my eyes are really tiny, so i like lots of drama to make them stand out. i’m not talking drag queen-style (well, sometimes i do break out the falsies), but i want big, full lashes. no go with this, folks. it has the same shape of brush as original telescopic, meaning it’s one of those comb-style brushes that should apply a lot of product for volume, but still define the lashes well once you learn not to be too heavy-handed. what they have done with this version is made the brush out of that squishy rubber all the companies are using now to tout their wands as “clump-free.” the problem with “clump-free” is it usually also means there won’t be too much volume, so i would only recommend this if you already have lots of lash110507_covergirl_b or if you are looking for the natural look. even then, though, this stuff if a little too gooey and wet upon application and smears and flakes a bit. no go. oh ps i also tried that new cover girl mascara “lash blast” that drew barrymore is whoring and there is NO BLAST. same problem with the rubber bush, no volume. nothing. invisible. i guess there are bigger problems in the world, but it would be nice to settle this mascara thing once and for all. i think i will try one of the newer MAC formulas next, since i can buy them for cheap with my pro card.

well, this weekend is going to be another mellow one in preparation for good times ahead. the next three weekends are going to be kinda crazy so i better rest my pipes. my throat feels like it’s bleeding. no bueno.

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old-fashioned, modern, gay romance. and surf ‘n’ turf.

February 20, 2008 beauty, me news, reviews, t.v.

alright alright, some of you are not going to be very happy with this post, but bear with me, and i promise you very soon i will post something either about getting reamed with a huge silicone cock or crying hot, bitter tears into my vodka soda, whatever floats your boat. i am also working (really hard) on my condom story, so stay tuned.

Escadaon to business: my valentine’s day gifts! joe and i did i wonderful job of gifting. i know that presents are not the most important thing in the world (HAHA), but when someone gives you a gift that is just so absolutely you, or remembers something you said you liked, it just makes you feel very loved. well, when joe took me to my first gift, i felt more than love. i also felt sheer panic. you see, he took me to sephora, set me loose in the store, and told me to pick out whatever i wanted, within reason. i swear, i almost passed out just then! i wandered aimlessly around the store, then finally had to beg him for help because we were on a time constraint due to our dinner date, and everyone knows i have never actually been inside a sephora for less an hour and a half unless i am making a return. luckily, joe was paying attention and knew exactly what to tell me to buy. i got the new escada seasonal fragrance, “moon sparkle”, which is insanely fruityliscious and a must of you’re into that sort of thing. it’s very close to the one from a few years ago called “ibiza hippie” (bad name, awesome scent. if you ever see an old bottle of this, buy it for me!). the fragrances that come out each year all have similar notes, but some of them, like the last one, “pacific paradise”, have this powdery dry-down that i am not fond of. “moon sparkle” is pure, sparkling berries, but also has musk and sandalwood notes, making it a little richer and more womanly than past escada scents, which also makes it perfect for all seasons! in keeping with the dark and sexy theme, i also got a NARS lipgloss in the shade “revolt.” Narsrevolt_2Narsswatchit looks kind of scary-chola purple in the tube (although i love that look), but because the gloss inside is completely sheer, it really just glazes the lips in a deep grape. i like it a lot, but i love all of NARS’ sheer glosses because they are extra sticky-shiny and for that reason have staying power. plus, i have to love a company that still makes true, bold colors and doesn’t put frost and glitter in every single thing. i’m looking at you, MAC. shape up! i haven’t seen it in person, but based on my online peeking and other’s reviews, the fafi for MAC line looks very blah.

after that, joe took me out to dinner at a secret location. i had no idea where we were going to go until we pulled up. somehow he remembered that i once said, as we drove by, that i had always wanted to eat at clancy’s crab boiler! it was the perfect date. i drank a chi chi (pina colada made with vodka instead of rum. delicious, but embarrassing to order if you grew up mexican and to you chichis are BOOBS!) and ate shrimp and filet mignon. really, it was so perfect and fab. joe and i are perfect for one another because we both like things that are kind of crappy, but also great. we both have good taste, but like things that are kind of divey and hilarious. i hearted him extra after that, but the gifts didn’t end! when we got back to the house i got a wonderful card he made in printing class and the pièce de résistance: this pin! Dogpin_10 i saw it a while ago and fell in love with it even though i am not much of a dog person, let alone scottie dogs, but it is SO HILARIOUS. it is a double pin, with one part being one huge gold scottie dog and the other two smaller gold scottie dogs, CONNECTED WITH CHAINS DANGLING TWO MORE TINY SCOTTIE DOGS. so fucking fierce! i can’t believe he went back and bought it for me. so sweet!

in case you are wondering what i got him, i will tell you. it might sound kind of or not at all strange, but joe is really into skulls right now, so i went to necromance on melrose, which is actually a really rad store, and bought him a coyote skull. he was totally pleasantly surprised because i was sort of anti about the animal skull thing for a while, but the lady in necromance was really cool and she assured me that the animals weren’t killed just for their bones and she also said that the coyote was the best seller (wtf?) so i did some research on him and he seemed like a pretty cool spirit animal. joe loved it and said i was the best girlfriend ever, so all in all, it was a success!

i guess that’s all i have to say about that. i really need to make a “romance/barf” tag for these types of entries, but i have about 12 tags and i am way too lazy to make new ones. in fact, i have also been thinking about making a a “gay” tag, but since i am a flaming queen, pretty much all of my posts are gay.

and speaking of the gays, i am sooo excited to watch tonight’s episode of “project runway.” it’s the recap episode, which would normally annoy me, but there was so little drama this season, and i can’t get enough pure tim gunn. sweet raging crap, i need a guy like him in my life! what ever happened to the genteel gay man? i’m all about the perverts, the bears, and the twinks (you know this), but i long to meet an older, refined gentleman who will drink tea and go shopping with me.

as for someone to party with, i would love to hang out with christian siriano. i am basically the female version of him without the self-confidence, and i do love him so. he is so amazing, i really hope he wins the show! here is a strangely long, obsessive fan video with some of his fiercest moments. it’s worth the length though for some of those golden moments of his this season. my personal fav is “i am not feeling fierce right now.” hahahaha. television gold.

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all gay, every gay

June 19, 2007 peeps, queer, travels

although i definitely take notice of them, to say that i am adherent to life’s signs and omens is a touch inaccurate. this is because what i actually tend to do is notice them then do the exact opposite of what they seem to be trying to tell me. today i came home from hanging out at my friend’s house feeling alright. i did good today. i went to work even though i am deathly ill with a cold, then i went to ajai’s and had a chat, went for a walk in the hills (fell in love with l.a. again), ate some soup, didn’t drink a drop of the “healing” whiskey presented to me, and came home ready to begin preparing for a similar day tomorrow. well, as i walked to my front door, laying directly in the front walkway was a dead pigeon. i guess that would have not been too bad if it looked like it was mangled by a cat or something, but it looked like it literally plunked down in mid-flight.

yikes.

so i’m going out of town this weekend!

to san francisco gay pride for the first time. i am super-excited because i need to get the fuck away for a while, and yet a ton of my friends are going so it’s going to be like having the comforts of home without the home part and with way more erotic lesbian foreplay.

i have been making the necessary preparations. got a haircut and a wax on friday, staying in all this week to save money and energy, and am walking up as many hills as possible to cut my complaining quota in Jsimphbshimmist_2half. i’m not really planning on having illicit sex with any bay area hussies, but i intend upon enjoying my fair share of make-out sessions. i don’t know, maybe it won’t happen though. i am kind of shy and now i am paranoid about my perfume. a couple of weeks ago i was at what may have been the kickoff of lesbian make-out season, and this girl i was making out with went for the neck. moments later she recoiled, squinting and batting at her tongue in distaste. too much dior, TOO MUCH DIOR! oops. maybe jessica simpson was onto something with those flavored “dessert” fragrances. too bad i think they got discontinued because they smelled like melted popsicle twat. oh well. i happen to know i have a pretty good natural chemistry/smell/taste, but i like smelling expensive. now, how to do so without tasting like bittersweet death? i just don’t know. quite a quandary.

anyhoo, as promised, here are a few pics from the silverlake dyke march. they are not good pictures, but they give you an idea of the fun:

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the requisite giant lamé vulva and cigarette girls

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dykes on bicycles love lisa’s belt buckle more than they love the camera

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sujey, ajai, jaime lopez, and des. i told them to look extra gay. success!

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new stripey friend, sonia, and dj jay. also looking gay.

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lisa jump-starting the unicycle girl. gaysian pride.

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queer sex workers do it better… wait, IT means carrying banners, right? mommy?

i’d say despite my crappy pictures and camera dying within moments of the march getting underway, it was a complete success. well, it looked like one anyway. the crowd was more than twice as large as it was two years ago when i last went, and was filled with women of every age, size, and color. plus a bunch of really supportive people in passing cars, honking and waving away. it was pretty inspiring actually.

we decided to taper off all that feminine energy by attending gay pride in west hollywood, home of the largest selection of shirtless men ever, the next day. it was actually pretty fun. i mean, i had moments where i looked around at some of the people there and was like, “ew” but then i thought, “wait, amanda-faye, you are being awfully hoity-toity for a girl who just used a porta-potty that was out of toilet paper and thus wiped with a flier for a gay dating website!” touché, voice of reason, touché.

once we made our way to the hip hop tent, things took a turn for the better. there was a small crowd surrounding some breakdancers and i was thinking, whatevs, i don’t want to watch them, i want to show off my own moves. but oh no, these people were amazing! the boys were so good, and this one girl was outrageously good. it made me want to seriously practice my moves.

well, that’s all i got. i have some new batts for my camera so this pride weekend is going to be well-documented photographically, i promise! kind of sad to think that after this weekend there will be no more local gay pride events… wait, actually we are all supposed to go to l.a. black pride in july. yesss!

plus there is that whole being proud year-round thing.

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ma vie en blows

January 30, 2007 this just in

today has been a weird day.

we are moving out of our house and i just keep thinking how we squandered this year, in this lovely little house that had so much promise. then i’m like, oh, wait, we had tons of fun here. too bad a bunch of terrible things happened as well and that’s how it will be remembered. Img_1438 this picture is the view of my room before we moved in. i was pretty excited about this room and that balcony. yeah, that was way before i cried myself to sleep a hundred and fifty times in there, but that is the past. there will be many more cute houses to cry in in my future. i can hardly wait!

and this here is my room with my perfume shelf and movie poster.Img_1710 yes, i am kind of like a twelve-year-old girl except with huge breasts and an almost incapacitating amount of cynicism. but anyway “ma vie en rose” is very special to me because it’s about a little boy who wants to be beautiful and feminine and almost no one will let him be himself. that’s how I feel sometimes too, and i was born female-bodied.

here is my framed photo of Img_1705 kylie minogue riding a bicycle in a pink tutu and a bunch of my lipsticks. haha. i’m fun.

so we are leaving echo park. wow. how insane. how crazy. goodbye coffee shops and art shows i never went to because i hated you, goodbye bars i always went to even though i hated you. seriously though, i will miss my roommates and driving by the beautiful lake every day and even those damn pigeons scratching at the tin balcony awning as they landed in the morning. i will even miss crazy volvo lady, who is crazy, drives a volvo, and ran into our house at my birthday party last year and turned down the music.

yeah, i say this as if i am not going to be in this neighborhood all the fucking time. goddamn it.

today was also my last day working at the salon. it was pretty unceremonious, mostly because i am friends with everyone who works there and will probably see most of them at least once a month and some pretty much every day (whether you like it or not, lacey). but it means more than not working there for me. it is like a sendoff of the last three years of my life… the year in beauty school, taking state boards, two years assisting and then deciding not to do hair. i don’t think it was a mistake per se, because i learned a lot about myself and believe it or not, beauty school was one of the hardest things i ever tried and completed (fyi, in case you didn’t know the only thing i do better than failing is not trying).

it’s cheesy, but it really is the beginning of a whole new chapter for me now. i hold my entire future, living, breathing, huge, and illuminated, in my own hands. my tiny, useless hands.

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expensive perfume and the erotic bruise

January 11, 2007 pain

Big_cheried_2this christmas was good to me. i got a ginormo bottle of my official signature scent miss dior cherie and the luxury body creme. which, in case you were wondering, is better than the body lotion, according to my roomate nicole, because it has a higher concentration of the perfume oil. wow, that is like the gayest fact ever. she is even faggier than i am! the perfume isn’t ridiculously expensive for someone who makes any money, but you are not talking to that kind of person. i specifically got a credit card to buy my first bottle of it, because this shit smells amazing! i get compliments every time i wear it, mostly from men, but whatever. apparently butch lesbians do not appreciate fine fragrances. that’s cool ladies, but really, don’t i tell you when i really like how you smell of cigarettes and Dial soap? it’s nice to be noticed, just sayin’. so anyway, now that i have two bottles i am going to wear it more because it’s my signature scent and money is no object perfume goes bad. yikes, but i have so many fragrances to choose from! for a while i curbed my makeup addiction with perfume, you know, like retail methadone, but then i had another problem on my hands.

someone once told me that you aren’t supposed to spray perfume on your wrists then rub them together like mom (and soap operas) always taught you. it “bruises” the fragrance. i don’t know what that means, but imagine my delight when i went to spray my miss dior cherie one Img_1552_1 morning last week and saw this bruise. i love bruises, always have. there is something tough and sexy about them, and trashy. this one looks like i have been up to something very naughty. i guess this all sounds kind of wrong cause that bruise also looks like i may be a battered woman, but everyone has their kinks. truth be told i have no idea how i get most of my bruises. they just appear and i can enjoy them for a while until they disappear, so quickly.

there was one time i had this bruise that took forever to go away. it was after a night of partying years ago, when i used to work at the movie theatre. we were hanging out there one night drinking and there was this weird old guy who was a friend of someone who wasn’t even there. i was nineteen and fairly wide-eyed, even if i didn’t know it. after a while this guy started following me around. i had always been a bit of a masochist, and i guess he heard me bragging to john and christine about how i was into pain, kid stuff, but i thought i was tough. there’s a bunch of weird shit in between, but basically he tried to molest me in the basement right in front of those other two. i just sat there as he put his hand up my thigh. i have an uncanny ability to leave my body when things get scary or interesting, allowing me to never fully experience pain or joy. it rules.

i just kind of went away from myself during the whole time. he didn’t do much other than cop a feel in the basement, but then he followed me into the bathroom. he cornered me coming out of the stall and got in my face, asking me, did i like it rough. i was mostly numb. i was standing there, watching myself, wondering what was going to happen next, when he punched me square in the jaw, snapping me back into reality. i don’t remember much after that, reality bores me.

point is, i spent the next few weeks with a bruise and what felt like a ping pong ball on the left side of my jaw. it didn’t hurt, it just itched. it was like, itchy and i wanted to rip my skin off. i was upset because i got myself into such a stupid situation, upset because i could barely remember it even though i wasn’t even that drunk, but mostly i was upset because in that moment, i wasn’t all that scared, and that was really scary.

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fabulous

January 10, 2007 if you ask me...

if you ask me, being fabulous is simple. all you need to do is dress like a granny, dance like a stripper, smell like a $90 Jamba Juice, and keep yourself neatly waxed “down there”. but i may be biased.

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