Tag Archive for nars

old-fashioned, modern, gay romance. and surf ‘n’ turf.

February 20, 2008 beauty, me news, reviews, t.v.

alright alright, some of you are not going to be very happy with this post, but bear with me, and i promise you very soon i will post something either about getting reamed with a huge silicone cock or crying hot, bitter tears into my vodka soda, whatever floats your boat. i am also working (really hard) on my condom story, so stay tuned.

Escadaon to business: my valentine’s day gifts! joe and i did i wonderful job of gifting. i know that presents are not the most important thing in the world (HAHA), but when someone gives you a gift that is just so absolutely you, or remembers something you said you liked, it just makes you feel very loved. well, when joe took me to my first gift, i felt more than love. i also felt sheer panic. you see, he took me to sephora, set me loose in the store, and told me to pick out whatever i wanted, within reason. i swear, i almost passed out just then! i wandered aimlessly around the store, then finally had to beg him for help because we were on a time constraint due to our dinner date, and everyone knows i have never actually been inside a sephora for less an hour and a half unless i am making a return. luckily, joe was paying attention and knew exactly what to tell me to buy. i got the new escada seasonal fragrance, “moon sparkle”, which is insanely fruityliscious and a must of you’re into that sort of thing. it’s very close to the one from a few years ago called “ibiza hippie” (bad name, awesome scent. if you ever see an old bottle of this, buy it for me!). the fragrances that come out each year all have similar notes, but some of them, like the last one, “pacific paradise”, have this powdery dry-down that i am not fond of. “moon sparkle” is pure, sparkling berries, but also has musk and sandalwood notes, making it a little richer and more womanly than past escada scents, which also makes it perfect for all seasons! in keeping with the dark and sexy theme, i also got a NARS lipgloss in the shade “revolt.” Narsrevolt_2Narsswatchit looks kind of scary-chola purple in the tube (although i love that look), but because the gloss inside is completely sheer, it really just glazes the lips in a deep grape. i like it a lot, but i love all of NARS’ sheer glosses because they are extra sticky-shiny and for that reason have staying power. plus, i have to love a company that still makes true, bold colors and doesn’t put frost and glitter in every single thing. i’m looking at you, MAC. shape up! i haven’t seen it in person, but based on my online peeking and other’s reviews, the fafi for MAC line looks very blah.

after that, joe took me out to dinner at a secret location. i had no idea where we were going to go until we pulled up. somehow he remembered that i once said, as we drove by, that i had always wanted to eat at clancy’s crab boiler! it was the perfect date. i drank a chi chi (pina colada made with vodka instead of rum. delicious, but embarrassing to order if you grew up mexican and to you chichis are BOOBS!) and ate shrimp and filet mignon. really, it was so perfect and fab. joe and i are perfect for one another because we both like things that are kind of crappy, but also great. we both have good taste, but like things that are kind of divey and hilarious. i hearted him extra after that, but the gifts didn’t end! when we got back to the house i got a wonderful card he made in printing class and the pièce de résistance: this pin! Dogpin_10 i saw it a while ago and fell in love with it even though i am not much of a dog person, let alone scottie dogs, but it is SO HILARIOUS. it is a double pin, with one part being one huge gold scottie dog and the other two smaller gold scottie dogs, CONNECTED WITH CHAINS DANGLING TWO MORE TINY SCOTTIE DOGS. so fucking fierce! i can’t believe he went back and bought it for me. so sweet!

in case you are wondering what i got him, i will tell you. it might sound kind of or not at all strange, but joe is really into skulls right now, so i went to necromance on melrose, which is actually a really rad store, and bought him a coyote skull. he was totally pleasantly surprised because i was sort of anti about the animal skull thing for a while, but the lady in necromance was really cool and she assured me that the animals weren’t killed just for their bones and she also said that the coyote was the best seller (wtf?) so i did some research on him and he seemed like a pretty cool spirit animal. joe loved it and said i was the best girlfriend ever, so all in all, it was a success!

i guess that’s all i have to say about that. i really need to make a “romance/barf” tag for these types of entries, but i have about 12 tags and i am way too lazy to make new ones. in fact, i have also been thinking about making a a “gay” tag, but since i am a flaming queen, pretty much all of my posts are gay.

and speaking of the gays, i am sooo excited to watch tonight’s episode of “project runway.” it’s the recap episode, which would normally annoy me, but there was so little drama this season, and i can’t get enough pure tim gunn. sweet raging crap, i need a guy like him in my life! what ever happened to the genteel gay man? i’m all about the perverts, the bears, and the twinks (you know this), but i long to meet an older, refined gentleman who will drink tea and go shopping with me.

as for someone to party with, i would love to hang out with christian siriano. i am basically the female version of him without the self-confidence, and i do love him so. he is so amazing, i really hope he wins the show! here is a strangely long, obsessive fan video with some of his fiercest moments. it’s worth the length though for some of those golden moments of his this season. my personal fav is “i am not feeling fierce right now.” hahahaha. television gold.

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fergalicious/handjobs

May 23, 2007 consume, reviews, uncategorized, work

Ferg_6 okay, so, i have a few things on my mind. the first is obviously fergie of the black eyed peas and solo fame. i say “obviously” because it is so not obvious. as you all know, i hate fergie… or so i THOUGHT. upon careful consideration i realized that i actually enjoy fergie, the woman. she seems like a real kick. i just hate her music. but wait, why do i LOVE the song “glamorous”? it is just so good. so bad it’s good! it might have something to do with it playing 500,000,000 times while molly and sarah were here, but for some reason i really enjoy it. i always sing along to it and accidentally sing “g-l-a-m-o-U…” and then feel like an idiot because everyone in the club must think i can’t spell. not so! i just spell glamourous the british way. duh.

anyways, i am also thoroughly enjoying the new radio station in l.a. called movin 93.9. it rules. where else can i listen to both 50 cent and lionel ritchie? seriously, the other day they played that lionel song “all night long” and i thought to myself “i should change this. this is wrong…. but i want to hear it…” and it was just a real pickle to be in. then i realized that it was okay to listen to it because it was playing on the station i was ALREADY listening to. thank god. fiesta forever!

in other news, i have decided to re-embark on my starvation diet. this diet, to remind you, includes mainly slim fast, cigarettes, ice chips, and shame. so i was at target and i decided to buy a twelve pack of slim fast optima and also a twelve pack of target brand ultimate diet shake and do a taste test showdown, as the target brand is a whopping $2 cheaper than the name brand. the only problem was i bought the slim fast in chocolate and the target brand in vanilla. so really, the taste test is compromised. i will tell you that the sf brand is 100 times thicker than the target brand, which is basically vanilla water (yum), and therefore is probably way more filling. i can’t tell you for sure yet at this time though, because i washed down my first round of diet shakes with thai noodles.

what i can tell you for certain, however, is that target brand “compare to playtex” tampons do NOT Thumb_ggmultipack38046 compare to playtex. i buy playtex tampons because as they absorb moisture, they open all the way around, like a gentle flower. other brands, such as tampax, get longer and fatter. this creates a situation in which you know to change your tampon because it begins to actually emerge from your pussy. now, maybe i have a shallow vagina or something, but in general i find this to be fairly vexatious. well friends, just fyi, the target brand “playtex” tampons do that too. they are not like playtex at all, not at all!

well, that’s about all i have to say re: consumer affairs. i was beginning to worry that my poverty was turning me into a butch because i am so poor that looking at the sephora catalog didn’t even give me half a boner, but now i have spent a good half a paragraph talking about my va-jay-jay, so i feel whole again. plus the whole catalog is practically about bronzer and i have already found my fav bronzer (NARS laguna, if you will recall) and i dunno why everyone is so obsessed with being tan anyway.

it is nearly five a.m. and i have a job interview tomorrow. i have decided that i don’t think i can keep my job at Buffalo Kitchen because it is nipping away at the last few drops of my dignity. i am not a proud person (obviously) but i don’t like feeling stupid and i think everyone at Buffalo Kitchen thinks i am some kind of idiot because i refuse to learn how and where to seat the “guests.” the harsh truth is that i simply don’t care. i am sorry, i simply do not care! if you ask me, the servers should be standing at the host stand, gnashing their teeth at one another to get those “guests” and the tips they hold within their wallets. instead, they get mad every time i seat someone in their section. hostess, indeed! my idea of being a true hostess would include at least giving a hand job, and a tip for ME. seriously, i would take more pride in that.

so there you have it. not only do i like a fergie song, but i am chubby, have a tiny ‘gina, and would totally give $10 hand jobs.

okay, so why do i love myself more than EVER right now?

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i’m “buy.” hardy har.

March 23, 2007 uncategorized

Lineup_04_2 clearly the consumer concern over the enormous size of pringles chips has reached fever pitch. i say this because they have finally released pringles mini. i say this like i don’t wish i had some right now. i so fall for it when they make a product smaller or a different color. it’s sad. i miss crystal pepsi. i am old enough to remember when they first started making hawaiian punch in colors other than red. it was so exciting! i’m thinking that knowing my weakness makes it okay, but i don’t know, maybe i am fooling myself. last summer when NARS came out with the orgasm blush/laguna bronzer duoNars i HAD to buy it, even though i already have orgasm and laguna in their separate packagings. ah the convenience! you will note that i almost never take my blush or bronzer to go, so really this was pointless, but look how cute they are together, aw! but seriously, if you wear these things and you don’t have either or these colors buy this. orgasm is hands down my favorite blush. i know it’s so typical, but it really does look good on everyone. it makes you look glowy, freshly-fucked and gorgeous. and laguna is the only shimmery bronzer i will use. all the others are way too flashy, but this is subtle and the color is perfect. just fyi.

Image053 the other day i went to the 99 cent store in lincoln heights with albert. we walked the two blocks there, almost got hit by an SUV and saw the most gorgeous pitbull ever. she was white with ice blue eyes and her owner had named her guera. and he was selling her puppies, one of which was named casper. hahahaha. anyway, it was maybe one of the best trips to the 99 cent store ever. i was very impressed with this particular location’s stock of “what the fuck?” items. first, there was the handy nutrigrain bar tote you see here. i didn’t even notice the ritz cracker holder behind it, ha! then, there was this awesome piggy bank albert bought for danielle that has a backside that looks exactly like a boob. at the checkout line there was a display selling chapstick brand chapstick. it was a display from christmas time and there was a woman dressed like santa giving someone the gift of chapstick. this would be a fine gift for someone like myself, who lives on that shit, but i don’t think most people would appreciate that very much.

i love shopping, even at cheap stores. i get the fever. most of my friends hate shopping with me because i read all the labels and group things together to compare them over and over again and it takes forever. i may be a hopeless consumer, but at least i comparison shop, right? not right. i need to quit. well, i have been forced into not buying as many things since i am so utterly poor, but i still buy stuff i shouldn’t and i do miss spending my money on books and cds and makeup. now it all goes to gas and food and booze.

sad.

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