Tag Archive for menstural matters

down UNDER

this might be my second post titled that. LOL.

anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:

banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!

anyway, speaking of beavers…

well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.

BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.

moist wipes.

first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.

well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.

i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.

as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roommate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.

i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cottonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.

they say it’s the small victories.

mega-menstrual over-share

the good news is, i have my period right now, so 1) i won’t have it next weekend at dinah shore, and 2) i’m not pms-ing anymore and will hopefully stop bursting into tears at any feelings of even mild discomfort.

the bad news is i don’t get to try out my new toys (lube, cock ring, condoms) until at least sunday or monday, when the coast is completely clear.

you might ask, “amanda, why not just do it while you’re on your period? are you not a modern, liberated woman in a steady relationship with a considerate partner?” well, the answer to your question, nosey, is yes, but for some reason period sex has always freaked me out a little. i know some women and their partners don’t mind it at all, some even enjoy it, claiming that the extra hormones and lubrication can lead to some kind of magic, but i am unconvinced. as sexually adventurous as i am, my terrible secret is that i kind of hate body fluids, even my own. being in love for the first time has made me understand why people in love/high lust situations don’t mind having someone sweat and jizz all over them, and how it can even be fun, but i’m not into the idea of wet-napping my blood off of myself and my partner.

okay… and there’s something else. since i have been such a bad blogger lately, i am going to let you guys in on a very personal sexual secret of mine. although, on second thought, i may actually be punishing some of you more than rewarding with juicy (unintentional pun) banter, so don’t read on if you hate hearing about ladystuffs.

once, a long time ago, when i was with my ex girlfriend, she insisted upon going down on me while i was on my period. i protested to the best of my abilities, but she wouldn’t let up, so finally i agreed. i was freshly showered and hadn’t been bleeding too heavily, so that kind of made me think everything would be okay. well, so, she was down there, right, and things were actually getting pretty good for me. it felt really intense and i was pretty sure the orgasm was going to be awesome. suddenly she stopped. i looked down at her, her mouth faintly smeared with red, and she was glancing up at me with a look of dismay that i had never seen on anyone before. her voice wavered, “i…i don’t think i can do this.”

it was so humiliating! i felt so disgusting and gross, even though it wasn’t my fault and it was her stupid idea. it only added to my shame that i had been enjoying it so much, and to this day i wonder if the pleasure equation in any way involved the menstrual factor. the answer to that question is something i will never know, however, because i vowed at that very moment that no lover of mine would ever look at me with that kind of un-concealable terror in their eyes again, at least not during the act.

so, there you have it, my traumatizing period sex story. it’s not like i haven’t fooled around or even had what i would consider sex while bleeding since, but i always make sure to keep it nice and clean, with nothing too crazy.

with that, i wish you a fine weekend. i am planning on taking it easy because i am going to have a busy week writing, hopefully working, and preparing for dinah aka not eating anything, running every day, and laying in the sun establishing a base tan… aka probably passing out and dying before i even get to palm springs!

weekend update

just a few reviews for those of you who are into that sort of thing:

well, first i need to talk about my period because i told caron that pretty much all i ever talk about on my blog is my period and now i have to live up to that threat. a small follow up to my review of target brand tampons. as well as the previous concerns, i have also come to realize that these tampons simply DO NOT work. for my next period i may as well try safety-pinning a coffee filter to my underpants and crossing my fingers. jesus!

Lipgloss so the other day i made my journey to sephora to use my gift card. ajai made the horrible mistake of coming with me. i have lost more friends by taking someone with me into a sephora… i can’t even tell you. look, i like to comparison shop, okay? i was in the market for a new foundation and the people that work there have no idea what they are talking about so i had to do everything myself. i tried on six different formulas and about three shades each before finally settling on the bare minerals (again, duh. this shit is magic) in the light shade. i was in there for about two hours and ajai (who is a fellow makeup freak) was ready to murder me. i just didn’t know how to use the remainder of the gift card so i was shopping around and around. i finally decided on this new lipgloss by bourjois called “eau de gloss” in the orange shade. i have been searching for the perfect orange lipgloss since 2005 when MAC falsely advertized their new line of flavored lipglass, making the woman in the ad have the most gorgeous shade of perfect, bright yellow-orange glossy lips, when in reality the corresponding color in the line was more of a frosty peach. gag. ANYWAY, the bourjois turned out to be another miss and is going back asap (i also love returning things). the color is a bright, juicy orange but i don’t like the texture. the whole point is it has a high water content and is very shiny and not sticky at all, more like cool and slippery. it kind of reminds me of lube, actually. anyway, it looks and feels good for a while, but the unfortunate fact is that sticky lipgloss just lasts longer and is shinier. this stuff goes away in minutes and it actually made my lips feel more dry in the end. bummer.

also, can i just tell you that i Stylingcremebb totally just fell back into love with bumble and bumble styling creme after a brief falling out due to unwanted stickiness and low style-longevity. turns out, it was all my fault. i have taken full responsibility and styling creme has come back to me and become my favorite styling product once again. if you use the perfect amount the hold is just unbeatable while still being soft and touchable (or pullable, hahaha. really.)

Sir_activ_lg and finally, as most of your heads are probably exploding reading this, i have to tell you about my new favorite face scrub. it’s called sircuit cosmeceuticals sir-active and it rules. it smells like sweet tarts and makes your skin super smooth without being too abrasive. the price point is a little high for me right now, but i got a sample and now i really want the full-size. i have also tried the cleansers from this line (x-trap and savior) and love them both, as well as the spot treament for acne called fixzit. the fixzit is only for use on individual pimples, which makes me a little uncomfortable because i am lazy and like slathering things all over my face, but it really works. it burns them right off in no time.

this weekend i am going to relax. maybe i will go to sephora and return that $15 crap lipgloss. omg, what am i going to buy??? i am freaking out already. ugh.