anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:
banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!
anyway, speaking of beavers…
well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.
BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.
first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.
well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.
i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.
as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roommate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.
i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cottonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.
let me start by saying i feel a bit overwhelmed because i haven’t written for so long. you must understand that i write to you all day in my head. every time the breeze blows a grain of sand into my eye, every time i go into a bathroom that is out of hand soap, and every time i accidentally think of miley cyrus in a sexual way (so wrong), i think “that’s going in the blog!”
so, as you can imagine, a week-long hiatus, particularly during a week in which i went out nearly every night, the supreme court of california overturned the ban on gay marriage, and i saw one of the best live shows i’ve ever seen, i have a lot to say. oh yeah, and i was kidding about miley, although i do love blasting “see you again” from my car, and it gets some weird looks from other adults. whatever, that song rules.
okay, for starters, there is a new queer night in los angeles called Wildness, which takes place at a dive bar in korea town called the silver platter on tuesday nights. the only bad things i can say about this night is that the bar is beer and wine only and that it gets a little crowded. seriously, it’s totally “off the hook” as they used to say like, four years ago. what do they say now? can anyone help me be cool? email me at email@example.com if you can. anyhoo, the night is basic in that it consists of djs, a dance floor, beer, crappy bathroom situations, etc. what makes it unique is the crowd, which is so diverse i don’t even know where to start. the best way to describe it i guess would be “art fag” though that doesn’t really say anything does it? let me just say that the patrons of this particular club cross all gender, orientation, ethnic, and age lines, but what they have in common, from the locals to the lookie-loos, is the desire to dance up a storm, check out awesome performances (last week was sister mantos), dress to impress (in so many ways), and just be… free i guess. i know it sounds sorta hippie-ish, but i’m into it. i’ve been kind of bah-humbug lately, but i would go to this every week if i had it in me. last week there was a limo parked out front where you could lounge with your friends and buy $2 tequila shots. at one point, this guy burst into the limo shouting “who has the poppers?!?!?” no, he was not joking. he never did find those poppers, but it made me feel good knowing he had them at some point. disco isn’t dead, my friends.
wednesday night i went to a benefit show for my friend vanessa, whose bicycle-cum-art piece was stolen from the very place the benefit was held (echo curio). the cartographers played, there was much dancing and merriment, then we all headed to the eagle for some more fun. it was a really fun night, but again, i am having mood issues. i know it’s partly pms but i feel something else at work. i just don’t feel motivated to go out anymore, and it’s not just cause i’m in a relationship. i just feel kind of “blah” and it makes me sad because i love my friends and i love being out and about.
i don’t know what’s up with that. i mean, i have a few ideas, but it’s going to take a lot of effort to get to where i want to be… that being in my favorite dress and back in heels. here’s the deal: i barely dance anymore. i feel impeded by two things, the first being that i’m just not comfortable with my body at all right now. this is not to say that i think there is anything wrong with how i, or any other people of size (lol, i mean fat people), look on the dance floor, as everyone knows that dancing well is more about confidence, rhythm, and making a hilarious/sexy dance face than how a person’s body looks. i have seen some hot, skinny bitches massacre a dance floor before, much to my horror. seriously, i get chills up my spine just thinking of one girl in particular. eesh! still, my body just doesn’t feel good to me right now. it is difficult to focus on perfecting one’s booty shake when you can feel your belly fat a-jigglin’ too, i’m not going to lie. the second reason i am having trouble with the dance is that i dance much better in heels, but i never wear heels anymore. i wasn’t able to wear them when i was younger, but about three years ago, when i started to lose weight, i was suddenly comfortable in them and wore them out nearly every night all last summer. it’s so much easier and fun to dance in heels, especially if you are going to be pulling any fancy booty-dropping moves. well, now that i have gained all this weight, i seriously can’t wear them for more than 15 minutes without wanting to stab my feet to death for betraying me. i will always and forever admire those fat ladies and drag queens who can wear heels all day into the the night.
in other news, i missed long beach gay pride this weekend, which i am pretty bummed about, BUT the awesome thing was the reason i missed saturday night was that i won 2 tickets (through perezhilton.com. don’t judge me!) to see robyn! i have never won a thing in my life and i won these days before i had big plans. oh well, i decided i had to go to the show because a) i WON!, and b) i love robyn’s new(ish. been out in europe forevs) album and heard her show was really brilliant. it WAS! i was so impressed by how great she sounded live and how great her band sounded as well. she has two drummers, which i have never seen before and is awesome, and a guy on keys/computer, plus sometimes one of them plays guitar. she is SO cute and adorable and i love how she is straight but has lesbian hair. the audience was 90% gay men, so of course i felt at home and at ease. i took joe as my date and he really enjoyed the show too, even though he’s not a robyn fan, that’s how good it was. you guys OBVIOUSLY remember robyn’s hit “show me love” from the 90s, if only from the movie, right? i happen to think that song is great, but her new stuff is very different since she has her own label now, and just REALLY good. here i am enjoying the souvenir robyn canvas tote that joe bought me. you must MUST download “cobrastyle”, “be mine!” (original version, not ballad), “with every heartbeat”, “handle me”, and “who’s that girl” (produced by the knife), all of which were even better live. plus, she did an encore of “show me love” reworked to be much slower and more her new style, but very awesome to hear that song live. i was not expecting that, though i’d hoped for it.
last summer i went to long beach, l.a., and sf pride. so far this year, like i said, i missed long beach, and i don’t know if i’m going to make it to sf. my one consolation is that l.a. pride is going to KICK ASS this year, thanks to the organizing of some very special peeps. last year east side pride, aka the silverlake dyke march, afterparty at the eagle, and super-party at mj higgins put on by packin’ heat were so amazing, i just knew it could only get better. this year it most definitely will with dyke day l.a., a day in the park preceding the dyke march that will feature djs, bands, comedy, arts, etc. i’m REALLY REALLY excited about this because i am hungering for a queer community, a truly queer community and not the gay bar culture of west hollywood, in los angeles. i know i need to challenge myself and my own shyness and insecurity (and laziness) to become more involved. i patted myself on the back briefly because joe and i volunteered a few months ago to gather signatures to counter the people who are gathering signatures to put another anti gay marriage initiative on the ballot. then i remembered that i really sucked at getting signatures while joseph, mr. “i’m not as social as you” was ACE. you should have seen him, it was so hot. i wanted to eff him right there on those library steps! anyway, i was butt-hurt and disappointed at how bad i was at it and complained a bunch and vowed never to do it again. still, there MUST be a way to apply my talents to some type of activism, right? haha, omg, i fear that perhaps being an activist entails some kind of hope and optimism that i simply do not possess.
no, i know that’s not true. i feel alive with hope when i think of all the good things to come in the future, not just for “my people,” but for everyone. i did shed a few tears of joy when i read the supreme court verdict, and not just because, since finding the first true love i’ve ever had, i can see more than ever to possibility of walking down the aisle myself, but because of all of the committed partners that came before us and paved the way for this. this is a huge step in history, for the gay couples who never got the chance to marry, for the gay couples that will marry now after waiting so long, the gay couples that will marry in the future, and for the gay couples that will say “fuck that, i never want to get married!” because they have that choice to make. that’s what the freedom to marry is about, you know, freedom. definitely one giant leap for love.
classic robyn video, “show me love”. the nineties were so scary/wonderful!
the awesome video for “be mine” by robyn. such a sad, yet danceable song. my fav kind!
and to end on a happy note, robyn’s GENIUS performance of “cobrastyle” (a teddybears cover) on david letterman recently. and no, her band didn’t wear those bear heads at the show, heh.