Tag Archive for australia

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this might be my second post titled that. LOL.

anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:

banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!

anyway, speaking of beavers…

well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.

BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.

moist wipes.

first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.

well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.

i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.

as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roommate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.

i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cottonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.

they say it’s the small victories.

lately i’ve had the strangest feeling…

this is depressing. skip to around 1:46 to see JoJo of the r&b group Jodeci collapse in an apparently alcohol/drug addled stupor while performing a show in australia. a) performing? b) australia?

according to his brother/bandmate K-Ci, JoJo was just exhausted and has epilepsy, but that’s hard to believe. read about it on Dlisted, which explains it better than i ever could.

this is sad because Jodeci was one of my favs in junior high. not only did i love “all my life”, which they are playing when the train wreck begins on this video, but their version of “lately” is really beautiful, and was one of my all time songs to get emo over.

then, at the eighth grade dance, it played, and i asked my friend michael to dance with me to it. he said no and was a total jerk about it, until i grabbed his arm and made him. that was my first slow dance. sad.

years later, he would become a dear friend and a HUGE FLAMING GAY, which makes me feel a little better. but just a little.

more aussie love: sia

i know the whole world, particularly lesbians for some reason, were obsessed with sia’s song “breathe me” a looong time ago, but i am a late-comer. i just finally got my hands on her latest album some people have real problems and it’s absolutely brilliant. i have issues with the whole neo-soul movement at times, but her voice is beautiful and i think her lyrics are amazing. nothing she does seems contrived to me. and yes she is from australia.

here is the video for “day too soon”, which is so beautiful and i can relate to so much.

Oh I’ve been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah I’ve been waiting all my life
You’re not a day you’re not day too soon

so i will try to post a longer entry today if i get the chance. i’m very broke and hitting the pavement looking for a second job.

oz

so, the promos for the new kath and kim usa series are now being aired on tv and they look just awful. selma blair is pretty good at playing bratty, and molly shannon is undeniably one of the funniest women in america, but i am just worried they won’t really push the envelope with this one, which needs to happen for it to be even APPROACHING the hilarity of the aussie version.

this is a clip from what i believe is an early kath and kim sketch before it was its own series. it’s impossible to find full episodes of kath and kim on youtube, which really sucks. i totally intend on buying all the series on dvd when i can, but it would be nice to get a fix. this is a pretty funny clip though. if you’ve never seen the show it gives you a good idea of the humor and how the accents really add a special something. as well as kath’s white-lady fro. i can’t believe american kath will have straight hair! BLASPHEMY!

this next video ends with a creepy, pervy still of kim’s ass some weirdo made on youtube, but i am posting it here because it will give you an idea of how kim is SUPPOSED to look. part of the joke is that she is obviously way too old and fat (oh, she is preggers in the above clip, btw) to dress the way she does and even if one wanted to bend those fashion rules (good on ‘er, as the aussies might say), she takes it way way over the top. selma blair is actually much older than she looks but she doesn’t LOOK 35 and she is just too thin! they seriously couldn’t find a heavier funny lady? i find that hard to believe. i read some interviews where she was talking about gaining 10 lb and having a belly roll, but she basically just looks like a normal person. it’s not like the whole point is to laugh at fat people or anything, but if they wanted to hire a skinny actress, they have to have adjusted the humor big time, and it doesn’t look like they did. i guess it’s also the fact that, as an american watching, an older woman playing a “stupid” girl in a whole other culture is funny, but a younger actress playing a stupid american girl is just… sad. and all too real.

okay, if you haven’t guessed i have aussie fever. there are a few australian (one by way of new zealand) friends of friends and now new friends of mine in town, and it’s been so much fun hanging out with them tons. normally foreign people don’t like me because if i spend to much time with them, i will start talking in their accent completely by accident and i think they think i am making fun of them, but really i just have a sensitive ear. also, i ask loads of questions, but luckily i got MOST of that out of my system the first day i met marian, the new zealander living in australia. to her fullest abilities, she answered all of my queries about the cost of living, local radio, transport, and most importantly, kylie minogue.

here is a classic kylie video. who would have guessed this little tan tart would become one of the most famous women in the world? um, the answer is: DUH, ANYONE WHO WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO THE FINE ACTING IN THIS VIDEO! note the scene of her singing to the picture on the bed and the bath bubbles scene. oscar-worthy.

and finally, last saturday i was honored to meet pip, better known as ladyhawke. i kept staring at her and it was kind of embarrassing because i was a bit starstruck, but she was friends with all the aussies so i played it cool (sort of. not really). ladyhawke is also originally from new zealand, but i think now she spreads her time between australia and england. i don’t know for sure because i am not a stalker! i’m not! anyway, her song “back of the van” came out quite a while ago, but her popularity is steadily rising and the songs keep coming. her music is seriously awesome and she was, for lack of a better word, really fucking cool.

well, that’s all for now. if you’re at work, try and check out the videos i’ve posted when you get home. i am going to post a lot of pictures soon, as i have many many good times to show you, but this new typepad makes posting pics a daunting task. i’d do it for you, though, i swear. i mean, i will do it. yeah, i so will.

spring/sprung

so, although i have been mysteriously MIA (aka sick to my stomach, then lazy, then without internet), my blog stats continue to climb thanks to my posts on home bikini waxing, labia, and my ever-growing australian fan base. hey, aussies, when the hell are you guys going to pool together enough money for me to bring my act on the road over there? i am pretty much dying to go to australia, thanks to the dvd’s caron made me watch of kath and kim and summer heights high, so please get on buying me that plane ticket. preferably for next summer. then i won’t have to know what winter is like for a whole year!

jk. sorta.

i do love spring/summer though. i love warm weather! i don’t really know why since i hate sweating and have been too self-conscious to wear a tank top since i was seven years old. i guess i just like how everyone seems to be in a better mood (at first, at least), and you can drink cold beers (secretly) in the park, and the birds keep me company at night with their chirping.

anyway, later this evening i am going to one of my favorite places in los angeles, babeland!

my shopping list includes a new lube they have called babeland naturals: naked organic lube. my partner likes to stock up on his favorite lube, liquid silk, which i also like a lot, as it works well, has no smell, and is very… um, how shall i say… “lifelike”? it’s not sticky or tacky at all like some lubes i’ve used in the past where you fall asleep feeling filthy¬† (actually, i like falling asleep feeling filthy, but not because my crotch is sticky and smells like an appletini). the only problems i have with liquid silk are that, although it is mostly water-based, it does have a tiny bit of silicone (which i imagine is why it works so well), and silicone lube is not recommended for silicone toys because it can break them down. this is what happened with our very expensive vixen goodfella cock. it works fine, but it had a bad reaction and in some areas the skin looks a bit chafed, which is how we started using condoms and i discovered i actually like condoms anyhow. so, in the end it all worked out, but still i would like to try a more natural, water-based lube, just for funsies. the other thing about the liquid silk is that it tastes really bitter. like i said, i’m not necessarily into candy lubes, but the description of the new babeland lubes sounds like it tastes a little sweet and nice.

Cockringthe next item in my cart will be a vibrating cock ring. i have never tried one of these before, but we have improvised (i won’t bore/horrify you with the details), and this seems like an exciting and logical next step to bedroom bliss. i don’t know what all the options are, but i have my eye on the sonic ring kit. i’ll let you know what i end up getting and how it works out.

Banditfinally, i don’t know if this is going to happen because we are super-strapped for cash, but if we don’t get the vixen bandit soon, i’m going to FREAK OUT. i don’t know if you know this (first-time reader?), but i am kind of a brat and when i get my mind on having something, i kind of become obsessed and pouty. lately, i have been looking at the poor goodfella with scorn that it really doesn’t deserve, what with the endless days and nights of pleasure my partner has brought me with it, but i’m ready for something new. what i like about the goodfella: the vixskin feels amazing, the balls are fun/hot, its size, shape, and where it rests on the pelvis make it really great for hard packing, and it’s just generally a really nice dick. hence, it will never be fully retired despite the fact that: the ridge of the head is kind of hurty for me sometimes, i am ready for a bit more girth but with a smoother head, and the longer length of the bandit should be more conducive to… uh… creativity. i’m a little wary of the length thing, as i am not one of those ladies that likes having my cervix jostled about, but i think all in all it will be better in certain positions and such. plus it’s a beauty! fyi, it is also made of the amazing, easy to sanitize, super-realistic vixskin silicone.

well, i guess i’ll be off. gotta go get some more writing done and ogle sex toys i can’t afford. i will be posting regularly in the very near future, i promise.

welcome foreigners, and not so much

Knk_largeso my friend amy was in australia like, FOREVER and she finally came back right in time for my birthday. she brought with her gifts of comedy and inspiration, including season 3 of the hit comedy show from australia “kath and kim,” which i had been meaning to check out since i heard there was going to be an american remake of the series on nbc starring molly shannon and selma blair. the show is basically about the misadventures of a tacky mother and daughter team named kath and kim. after watching it i have two things to say: 1) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! oh my god, this is pure hilarity. it takes about fifteen minutes into the first episode to understand what the hell they are saying and adjust fully to the aussie humor and then you are in for a fabulous treat. i have to watch it on my laptop because it’s region 4 (annoying) but if you have the chance and you haven’t seen it you need to get your hands on this. 2) selma blair as the daughter kim??? no, this will never do. i like selma a lot actually, but it just seems all wrong. i can just picture how she is going to attempt to play tawdry and unseemly, and i just can’t see how it’s going to work. i mean, it would be great if it does though. everyone on the internet who knows the show, particularly the australians, are wailing about it. i tend to agree that american humor doesn’t always have that special zing, but after you have read “OH MY GOD NOOO THE AMERICANS ARE GOING TO RUIN IT LIKE THEY RUINED THE OFFICE!!!!!!” a million times it does start to hurt one’s feelings, patriotic or not. anyway, i like the american version of “the office.” it’s funny. still, i don’t know how i will feel about “kath and kim” without the aussie accents and kylie references.

Yakult_460kbin other foreign affairs news, i have finally got my hands on a pack of yakult, a probiotic drink sold in asia, europe, and mexico that has recently started advertising on us television. as soon as i saw the commercial i was intrigued, and then i read a bunch of reviews online and it sounded great. it is supposed to help balance your digestive system and support immune functioning. i decided to buy it when i saw it at the ralph’s in silverlake, even though i am trying to avoid unnecessary sugars and this is basically a shot of sugar, dairy, and good bacteria. i read that it tasted really good, but i found it only alright, so if i don’t notice an improvement in my health i don’t know if i’ll buy it more than a couple of times. i am obsessed with these tiny yogurt type drinks because i had one when i was in europe more than ten years ago and i still haven’t forgotten it. it was weird but tasted really yummy, and i can’t remember the damn name… oh well.

all this talk is just making me want to travel. i have never been to australia, anywhere in asia, or even mexico! unless you count that time my friends and i drove down to san felipe, but that’s baja, so i don’t know if it does. we did get pulled over by the terrifying federales (police) and get hideously stomach sick when we got home, but i refuse to believe that is the gist of the mexican experience! after all, i am half mexican! today, beirut’s “postcards from italy” came on my ipod in the car and i was imagining joe and i driving around on a cobblestone road in some hot, seaside town with the windows down. i would be in heaven! in actuality, we were driving the cats home from the vet, the new kitten having crapped in it’s carrier, with the windows down to air out the car. still, it was a kind of heaven. i love running errands with joe, and today was a beautiful l.a. day with perfect weather.

Ringwormoh yeah, joe’s sister got a new kitten and she is absolutely gorgeous! the only problem is the little kitty came with a little gift known as ringworm, which is not as bad as it sounds, but still unpleasant. it’s not a worm at all, but a skin fungus that causes an actual red ring to form on infected areas of the skin. luckily joe’s sister only had one mark, but i recognized it right away from the epidemic my ex roommate caused when she refused to admit her newly adopted persian cat (which was in actuality a mangy bag of bones and teeth) caused her, our other roommate, and every single person who came over except for me to get ringworm. this even though everyone said it HAD to be the cat because they are the most common carriers! eight months after the epidemic began, she finally took the cat to the vet to get the shampoo and it ended. to this day it is a real mystery how literally everyone who even set foot in our house got it except for me. at first we all had a theory that mexicans must be immune, but then slowly all of my other mexican friends got it too and i was still the only one to not. if it doesn’t appear on me this time, i will be convinced of my super-immunity, because i have been loving up that new little fuzzball like crazy! it makes me itchy just thinking about it, but we got the anti-fungal shampoo for both the cats and the human cure is as simple as athlete’s foot cream, so i’m not going to panic. it’s very common, but i can imagine it does feel strange to have something foreign living on your skin, even if it’s just a fungus and not a worm.

i guess that’s about all. i am obviously able to think of little else other than wednesday and the project runway finale! victoria beckham is one of the guest judges, so as you know i will be entranced for the hour. i’m actually really nervous that my man christian might not win, because rami’s collection could turn out really great and jillian has always been consistently good. i can’t stand her, though, she puts me to sleep. she reminds me of one of those overly-confident nerds with no friends i always hated in school. i myself was your good old-fashioned humble, self-deprecating nerd. and look at me now! oh, wait….

sounds and hounds

first things first, my boyfriend joe has the most hilarious taste in music ever. mostly, he listens to hardcore and metal. one might think this would be a problem since i don’t like to listen to either of those musics, but it isn’t because a) i think it’s kind of sexy that he does, and b) he has this freaky, inexplicable passion for bad 80s soft rock. seriously. i find this SO adorable, but so so so strange! it’s not like joe’s some kind of poseur (at least i assume not, i don’t really know anything about metal and hardcore, but he seems pretty fucking serious about it), it’s just that he really enjoys such classics as “i can’t go for that” by hall and oates. oops, i forgot to ask his permission to write about this (he is a “permission” nazi. wtf how annoying. i warned him of the privacy dangers of hooking up with a blogger the first night he boned me on kp’s balcony.) still, i think it will be okay because he seems almost PROUD of this sick little fetish. upon the second time on our roadtrip “i keep forgetting (every time you’re near)” by michael mcdonald came on his ipod, i shot him a smile and he said “what? it’s a good song.” with utter confidence. hot.

i’m writing this blog because i feel like everyone has probably been thinking “i wonder what amanda-faye has been listening to lately, music-wise. i’m really just so curious…” WELL, here goes:

britney

okay, duh, no one these days can even legally have a blog without discussing her, but i am here to talk about the MUSIC. britney, britney, why? you have gone about this “crazy album” thing all wrong! the “crazy” album is supposed to be an album of rebellion and freedom, of you saying FUCK YOU to the industry and all Britbefaft_4of it’s constraints, thereby selling very few records, but earning the respect of one of the subcultures and/or australia (i love you, australia!). blackout could have really been your underdog hipster breakout album had you handled this correctly. let me just say, i tend to run with a pretty hip crowd (haha) and i have not been to one single party or club in the last several months that has not played “gimme more,” often multiple times! and since “piece of me” came out the story is similar, yet no one is really saying much about it. i think this is because brit has not attempted to milk this aspect. by god britney, this was your chance to build your non-mainstream gay fanbase and you FAILED! seriously, i have listened to all of the blackout clips and the album as a whole is AWFUL, but i would probably dance to any of the songs if they came on in a club. i can see why/how they could have become huge underground club hits. as for her actions, the hip gays don’t really give a shit about her kids or her using drugs, and shaving her head = awesome. she should have just rolled with it. the key to semi-longevity and semi-fan loyalty in this scene would be britney making any kind of effort to back the album, even in a rebellious and hilarious way. for example, instead of having her body photoshopped to be thinner in the “piece of me” video, she should have had something funny photoshopped onto her body… like, a dinosaur body, or maybe have her body be slowly and gorily falling apart a la that weird robbie williams music video that was banned by mtv in the u.s. but huge in europe. she could have become “indie” britney, just like kylie minogue crossed over to “indie” kylie with her album “impossible princess” which bombed in the uk, but was a huge success in her native australia, where the single “did it again” was even played on rock radio as well as to her typical top 40 audience.

omg, could i BE any gayer.

Kyliexanyways, speaking of kylie, her new album is out in the uk, but it doesn’t come out here until next month! i have only heard two of the songs, but i love them both! “2 hearts” and “wow” are both so fucking catchy and the “2 hearts” video is FIERCE! i can’t decide if i should buy the album on import or wait and see if the us version has additional tracks.

for my next item: alicia keys’ “no one”

okay, this song was good at first, but now i am starting to hate it. it takes a lot for me to get sick of a song, but the mainstream radio is apparently doing everything it takes to best my tolerance. i propose that they Chrisbrownjv10simply make an entire station that only plays that song and nothing else, that way whenever i get a hankering for it i can just tune in, leaving me at peace with chris brown’s “kiss kiss” on rotation six-times-an-hour on all the other stations. oh, chris, why is our love so forbidden???

paramore

don’t even get me started on their music, the name of this band fills me with uncontrollable rage! i have accepted long ago that while i am super-down with pure pop and hip-pop, i am way too old for pop rock. i grew up on the likes of paula abdul and bel biv devoe, but when i came into my own, the rock i listened to was bikini kill, bratmobile, and sleater-kinney, bands that actually rocked something, women who talked about things other than their boyfriends. okay, MAYBE i’m to old for that stuff too, but i just don’t understand the shit they play on “alternative” radio these days… there was a time when you tuned in to KROQ (local l.a. rock station) to get away from the bs on top 40 stations, and now they play the exact same rock bands, except i can’t hear chris brown’s “kiss kiss” on KROQ (*blows a kiss to chris* so young… so forbidden… so not gay enough for me.) the thing about paramore that disappoints me is that i actually probably would give it a secret guilty-pleasure listen because i am a sucker for female-fronted bands, and their song “misery business” is catchy as hell, damnit, but they had to go and spell their name that way! it’s PARAMOUR you bastards! yes, i have researched it, yes, i know they spelled it that way in the beginning because it was an (ex) bandmember’s last name before they realized the meaning of the homophone “paramour” (illicit lover), but still, i feel that since they were still a new band they should have felt bound by COMMON DECENCY to spell the word “paramour.” by god, what are we teaching our children? this irresponsible spelling of band names combined with text slang and internet speak… the world is coming to an end. fo shiz.

kate bush

i have been listening to a lot of kate bush’s album “the hounds of love.” that’s all i have to say about that, really. she’s a nut, but i’m into it. before i ever heard her i would get really defensive when people accused tori amos of stealing her steez (and i’m pretty sure around that time i also referred to tori amos as “the goddess tori.” what? don’t pretend you were never sixteen!), but now i realize that early tori seems to have been heavily kate-influenced, which is not a bad thing. they both rule.

joe and i have decided i need to buy a tori amos t-shirt on ebay and wear the shit out of it all over town. Amos5how funny/cool would that be? so funny/cool. haha. i’m in the process of finding the perfect one, though, i have specific ideas. i really want one with the pic on the right. vintage 90s tori. so hot. it has inspired me to start growing out my hair and wear it huge and frizzy… well, actually the weather in portland inspired that, but it is what it is.

oh, by the way, i also listen to a lot of “really cool” indie music and bands you probs never heard of. i swear!

what? i swear!

rule #5

always know who your friends are. your real friends will love you even when you are being a huge douchebag who never calls them, never writes any blogs, and when you start to feel like you don’t even know yourself anymore. they will say things like, “shut up and suck my dick, amanda.” and you will laugh and laugh at nothing together, because you love them and they love you, and you understand each other. i personally barely believe in anything, but my friends remind me again and again that life is worth living just to know people and to love them, because what else is there besides friends, love, dancing, and togetherness. that is, i mean, besides money, huge piles of sweet sweet money. and plastic surgery. and discounts on beauty products.

oh hell.

p.s. i love australians. you are my new favorite people. thanks for reading my blog.