Amanda: Failure Princess

an open letter to my former parish

Dear St. Therese Parish,

I am writing this letter to state how shocked and appalled I am by you allowing signs supporting Proposition 8 to be posted on your property.

Yes, I am well-aware of the Catholic Church's stance on homosexuality, and thusly on gay marriage, however, there are a few things I would like you to know, if not fully understand or accept.

I was born into a Catholic family and attended Catholic school for eight happy years, four of which were on your very grounds. I am proud of my background for many reasons, spiritual and otherwise. One of the things that makes me most proud to be a Catholic are the teachings I learned from Christ and from the community.

What I learned in Catholic school, and what I will keep with me for the rest of my life, are Christ's teachings on social justice. I learned that Jesus did not look down upon others, and in fact taught us that we are entrusted with the welfare of the poor and meek, the outcast and forgotten. I learned to value love and equality above all things. I am choked-up, as I write this, to realize the hypocrisy that you, or we, as representatives of the Church are displaying openly for the world and community to see.

By displaying signs that support a proposition that intends to alter the California constitution to take away civil rights from a certain law-abiding sector of the population, you are supporting a grave injustice. 

The fact is that as a homosexual woman, I have to disagree with you on your belief that the way I was born and choose to openly live is an abomination, and I do regret that I will never be able to marry within your walls, however, I respect your right as a religious institution to believe, teach, and uphold your ideals. There is no question of that, and I do not know anyone who truly opposes your right to enforce that inside your Church community.

What I need you to know, what I am sure of, is that one of these Catholic ideals is not and has never been bigotry and the denial of basic civil rights to American citizens, or citizens of the world at large. At the end of my life, I will be judged for my choices, one of which, incidentally, was not to be gay, but I feel confident in the knowledge that I have and will continue to do right by the teachings I learned as a little girl, to treat all those around me with honor and respect, even if I disagree with certain aspects of their lives, and that it would be inherently wrong to make or enforce laws to treat those people differently. If anything, we, your gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, are often downtrodden by society, and as such are some of the very people whom Jesus taught His followers to look after.

I do not expect to change your mind regarding homosexuality because of this letter. That is not my aim. What I do want to say is that having these signs in my neighborhood and on the property of a parish I once belonged to and occasionally attend is extremely offensive. To many, including myself, this is no different than displaying propaganda seeking to ban interracial marriage, which we must remember was also once against the law. I do not believe you would allow someone to or choose to post racist or sexist signs on your property, and as these signs represent a similar prejudice, I would appreciate it if you would remove them immediately.

Respectfully,

Amanda-Faye

awkward

so, a few weeks ago i was at a party where i didn't know that many people. for some reason everyone i knew kept coming and going in shifts, but i stayed because it was my friend's birthday and for some reason, even though i had only three drinks, i did not feel sober enough to drive (contact high? oh, marijuana, i DENOUNCE you!).

anyway, toward the end of the night i struck up what started as a very interesting conversation about queerness with a gay guy i had just met that night. i had stopped drinking because i planned on driving home at some point, but he was drinking straight whiskey, and as time wore on, our conversation became a little bizarre. basically, he was totally obsessed with the tv show "30 Rock", to the point where he was quoting it and asking me repeatedly if i watched it. i had seen it a few times, but don't get around to watching much primetime tv because of my schedule. i do think tina fey is hilarious. man, she sure is livin' the dream. i'd like to think i could have been like her if i had a little more self-confidence. and hotness. anyway, i digress. seriously, this guy would not shut up about how much he loved tina fey and how it was an absolute must that any guy he dated would be a big tina fey fan as well. not surprisingly, he had never had asteady boyfriend, but who am i to judge?

the next weekend, joe and i were trying to agree on a movie to rent at video hut. we have a real problem with this because for the most part he likes horror films and obscure comedies, while i like gay movies and french films. i know, i know. so, i saw season 1 disc 2 of "30 Rock" in the tv section and said "hey, why don't we rent this?" and he agreed. i don't think i have ever laughed that hard at a tv show in my whole life. alec baldwin may be nutmuffins, but he is a fucking comic timing genius! and tracy morgan... and kenneth the page! i finally feel like i have been let-in on a billion inside jokes i've seen all over the internet. "live every week like it's shark week." LOL! this may be the greatest comedy show on network tv today. i just finished the rest of season 2, which i drove to two different blockbuster videos to get, and i have to say, i can hardly wait until october 30th, when the new season starts! i can't believe i have to watch it in real time. i'm gonna die from one week to the next! and i'm never home on thursday nights. i need tivo now.

i guess the point of all that is, thanks socially awkward drunken gay guy, for opening my eyes to the wonders of "30 Rock." i'm sorry i doubted you, and i'm sorry i was too intoxicated to give you a ride home.

speaking of social awkwardness, i am having a hard time with that myself right now. in general, i always considered myself a pretty social person. i mean, i have a lot of friends and acquaintances. i make a lot of jokes, and people seem to laugh at them. i introduce myself to others and i am, for the most part, pretty good at introducing people to each other. i always try to make people feel comfortable in groups if they don't know a lot of people... i don't know, i guess i thought i was pretty good with people and a decent to good conversationalist. recently, as i have embarked upon this journey of self-discovery and healing, i realized that truthfully i am not really that great at being present in conversations. i listen and react, but there is always a part of me that isn't fully there in social situations. instead of growing socially as an adult, i think i have been more of a show pony, rode hard and put away wet, and now here i am, wanting desperately to have true intellectual connections with people, but not knowing where to start. most people i come into contact with more than once know my life story, or at least the funny parts, but there are only a handful of people who i would say truly know me. it makes me sad to think this, because there are people i can honestly say i wish i could get to know better and want to let get to know me, but i need to re-learn how to get there with someone.

and then there are times when i really don't feel worth knowing in the first place. i've been trying to think positively and do positive things for myself, but it creeps in on almost a daily basis. it's hard to go from feeling like an unstoppable party girl to a totally awkward freak who can't talk to anyone without cringing, but i realize that it's part of the learning process. plus, i know awkward isn't always bad. after all, tina fey has turned slightly awkward into the american dream, at least for the funny but imperfect.

perspective

i'm not proud of myself for not writing for so long. i beat myself up over it pretty much daily, but i just can't figure out what to say.

i mean, i have lots to say. for example, right now i am in a real tough spot because i obviously support obama, but i'm thinking i might have to take the obama sticker off my car. this is because i am a REALLY crappy driver and there are only three weeks before the election. this election has been so crazy, i am actually totally convinced that my total inability to merge onto the freeway with speed and skill could absolutely lose this thing for obama.

also, there is this whole proposition 8 situation in california. i cannot even begin to... i mean, how can i say that... there is just no way to contain my rage. i cannot believe that this is even an issue in my state. the ads that are running on the "yes on 8" side are so unbelievable. apparently if we don't ban gay marriage NOW, our kids might have to learn tolerance in schools! i know. soon enough they will be teaching black kids how to read and women will be able to vote. 

WTF.

anyway, aside from laziness, the main thing that is keeping me away from writing is that i just haven't figured out how to talk about my life right now. recently i fell further than i ever have. sure, i have had some pretty dark days, but those were when i was a teenager and all i had to do to feel better was cry in all of my classes, cut myself, and write tori amos lyrics in ballpoint pen on my fingers. those were sweet times. i realize that now that i've got some perspective. 

and perspective is a funny thing. i have been working at my new job for a little over a month now and it's hard to believe i had let things go so far. i don't want to be overly optimistic because, well, i am not capable of that, but i am really, truly happy for the first time in forever. i can say this because i am making myself happy. i have missteps every day because, let's face it, that's what makes life hilarious, but i can actually say that i am clearing a path for myself. i am trying to take care of myself in ways i have neglected for way too long. okay, i promise i will get into specifics as soon as i can find the words, but let me reassure you, i am still here. i'm still a Failure Princess. there's nothing in the rules that says you can't be trying to live out your full potential while also having an awful inclination toward dropping heavy stuff on your feet and accidentally getting gum on the side of your own car. 

seriously, this happens to me every time i try to litter. i know it's a total sign and i just need to stop throwing my gum out my window, but i'm taking this thing one day at a time.

lib

i have so much to say, but now i have waited to long to say it and i am SO TIRED and overwhelmed!

positive stuff:

a) i got a JOB! not only that, but it is the exact job i wanted, and possibly the perfect job for me right now. more later.

b) i feel amazing.

c) for the first time in so long i feel hopeful for the future of this country. barack obama is inspiring. he brought me to tears during his historical acceptance speech at the DNC. it is only starting to sink in what it could all mean, and it feels too good to be true, but it can be true. a better world can be a reality.

okay, now the harshness:

a) still broke.

b) I FUCKING HATE ALL REPUBLICANS. they are seriously the scum of the earth. i am not the person to come to when you want an objective or eloquent opinion on this. my more temperate friends often say "amanda, you can't say that about them because that's what they think about us. it's not fair either way and it's not right to hate." the problem with that argument is that i hate them because they hate. the "us" they are hateful toward in their speech and policies is so much of who i am, a liberal democrat (at least by official registration), a woman, a person of color, a feminist, and a queer person. in the spirit of ineloquence (which is not even a word), i say fuck you john mccain for running a campaign of negativity, lies, and sensationalism. fuck you sarah palin for trying to tell me what to do with my body and who to love. i will support staying out of your daughter's business when you stay the fuck out of mine. fuck you young republican bitch from orange county who is the youngest delegate from california at the RNC. sorry for directing you readers to the faux news website, but seriously, watch the video, it's so sickening. at the end she says "i'm a huge capitalist." and, for good measure: fuck you joe lieberman, you sick fucking asshole. i was forced to hear part of his speech tonight because i had the news on and his words were enraging me, but his voice was putting me to sleep at the same time. wow, what an inspiring convention. fuck you all, seriously. if, by some chance, there is a hell like the one the more religiously inclined of you choose to believe in (choice?!?! what a concept), it is you who will burn there if there is any justice in this world. 

c) as long as i am on the subject of faux news, i accidently watched part of it this evening while trying to avoid seeing even a second of "last call with carson daly" and they showed this quote from lindsay lohan's blog today 

"I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences."

which on its own may seem to be in support of sarah palin. too bad they forgot the next part

"I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden."

LiLo, or LezLo as i like to think of her affectionately, then went on to quote barack obama and say a bunch of pro-sex education stuff. look, i care about as much as you about what she says in her blog, but i found it so outrageous how much fox chose to edit down her quote to misrepresent it. we are living in a crazy, scary world people.

anyway, all this stuff makes me want to cry. conservatives are so fucking stupid, i can't even handle it. 

for the record, here are some answers to a couple of oft-asked questions:

q: what if your mom had decided to have an abortion?

a: well, i never would have known, and i wouldn't have to be talking to your stupid ass right now, so it's looking like win/win.

q: how can you be gay when it's against god and god says it's wrong in the bible?

a: how can you love the bible when you have never read it? i say this because you clearly don't understand the teachings of jesus. jesus loved and accepted everyone, even sinners, and he also showed us that some things we may have regarded as a sin were not actually sinful. i'm gonna go with loving another consenting adult and expressing that love romantically = NOT SINFUL.

omg, i can't even stand this. i also love how these are the same people who don't regard healthcare, education, food, and a safe place to live as a fundamental right. i went to catholic school for eight long years and every single religion book i EVER read said it is part of god's teachings that these are basic human rights. 

arggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

skins

my weekend was kind of like a delicious "skins" sandwich. friday i crawled around online like and obsessed 17 year-old fangirl looking up info and new stuff on the show. then, on sunday, i watched it as it made its us television premier. as you may know, i have already watched series one and two, which have already aired in the uk, but now that the powers that be (british people?) have brought "skins" to american shores officially via BBC America (which ps has the best programming! this evening i also watched a show called "my big breasts and me" and it was really fascinating), i am newly obsessed with the amazingness that is "skins." 

here's why:

1) the kids: living in a world, country, city, obsessed with youth culture is hard. i, for one, am completely tired of boring tv programming shoving wealthy, blonde, beach-going teens down my throat and informing me that this is the lifestyle i surely missed out on in my youth. i mean, i am all for re-capturing the good (awful) times, but i can never relate to any of these characters. i don't think i have related to a teen character since jessie spano on saved by the bell, and that was mostly because we are both feminists. well, "skins" is written in a way that somehow makes the characters entirely relatable, accessible, and even true-to-life, while still creating a fantasy world that, at least speaking as an adult, feels sensationalized, voyeuristic, shocking... all of the above. it feels like all the things i was and wasn't is represented somehow in each character. also, because they have british accents, they sound significantly less young and dumb, which is refreshing. 

2) the slang: what kind of wannabe fancy american would i be if i didn't love english slang words? the title of the show does not solely refer, in fact, to all the skin that is shown (and it definitely has it's moments!), nor the often painful shedding of one's youthful skin while squirming towards adulthood, but the word "skin" is also a slang term for the paper used to roll a joint. my personal fav, which i tried in my mind unsuccessfully to justify using aloud, is "safe" as a replacement for "cool." some of the words (such as "safe") even have multiple meanings. luckily there is a glossary guide on the show's page at the BBC America website. even more fortunate is the fact that the good people at BBCA have elected to add subtitles to certain parts of the show. it is absolutely necessary, at least in the first few episodes while you are getting used to the accents. this matter of convenience almost makes up for the censorship, though thus far i only noticed them editing out the word "fuck" and some nudity, not too bad.

3) cassie: i'll admit, i do tend to have a weakness for the dippy blonde in a bunch, but the character cassie on "skins" is so much more than that. the part is well-written and acted so brilliantly by hannah murray. she is certainly one of the more outwardly fucked-up of the group, as she suffers from anorexia and other severe self-image issues, but she is anything but heavy. any cassie screen time for me has been like magic faerie time and, as cheesy as that sounds, because of the writing and acting, it doesn't feel the least bit contrived. the second episode of series one, which first aired last night (they showed two episodes to kick off the show) is the first in-depth introduction to cassie. it will air again on sunday august 24th at 9 p.m., with another new episode right after at 10. 

4) the music: one of the first things i noticed while watching "skins" the first time was how they effectively used music from the past and current popular and indie music as well. it gave the show a more artistic feel, kind of like a movie, as opposed to the distinct feeling of product placement i get from the soundtracks on most shows these days, although truthfully, you will want to hunt down any manifestation of a soundtrack to this show. it's that good. i believe there is an iMix on itunes, but check out some of the fansites for more comprehensive songlistings. the remix to the gossip song "standing in the way of control" can be heard on the show as well as in certain promotional items i have seen, which is awesome to see. go brits for making the gossip the huge stars over there that they should have been here long ago!

5)  diversity: it's a bit more difficult for me to assess the success of an english show in being truly diverse. much like most american shows with an ensemble cast, "skins" consists of primarily straight, white kids. there is a certain sense of token-ism, then, when you throw the gay kid, the muslim kid, and the black kid into the mix. the show avoids the pitfall of being overly-patronizing though, again, because of the quality of the writing. it's definitely interesting, as an american, to watch a show in which one is learning about another culture (english) while also learning about other cultures within that culture, such as the experience of being an english muslim as opposed to a muslim-american. the show certainly centers around the friendship between the members of the group and isn't exactly a huge political or cultural statement, but i obviously think it is important for different groups of people to be represented in popular media, and a show like this brings that to the table. one of the things i liked was the fact that the gay storyline does not center on the gay character maxxie's coming out or something oft-depicted like that. there are definitely gay issues and issues of adversity that are tackled, but it is more about maxxie's life and experience in that particular time, with his particular friends that takes center stage, and his being gay is simply a part of who he is. i like that because i can relate to it, as that was my experience as a young, out teenager.

i really hope you all will tune in to "skins" on BBC America. you can visit the official website for fun content, pictures, videos, and the schedule.

here is a version of the trailer that calls the show "a better gossip girl." i couldn't agree more. that's why i'm posting about it. i hope that people will watch it to show that americans are interested in watching shows from other parts of the world. a well-written, well-acted show should be able to translate from culture to culture, and i think that "skins" definitely does.

okay, okay, i just officially pulled an all-nighter. i am going on vacation today with my family and joe and will be offline (GASP!) until wednesday. i can't imagine that i will be posting anything before thursday night, but if i do, you will for sure be the first to know... since this is my blog... and you read it religiously... yeah.

this is a bit cheap

but i am sleepy and in the arms of the one i love.

here are some lists in no particular order.

current top five things i hate most:

1) price of gas (not lowering fast enough!)

2) katy perry (constipated, airheaded, contemporary christian crapfest)

3) people who aren't funny or interesting. any one of the two even would be fine...

4) being totally no joke broke (bank balance = $.67)

5) not having health insurance (i need yasmin fast before my 10 day periods cause me to hurt someone)

current top five things i love (not counting joseph):

1) water aerobics (reason for living, truthfully)

2) sia (makes me laugh and cry)

3) the olympics (duh)

4) hansen's diet pomegranate soda (so fruity, so sweet, so splenda!)

5) when i can write something decent 

top five songs:

1) sia "lentil" (so beautiful. apparently it is about a dog, which killed it a little for me meaning-wise, but still, gorgeous.)

2) stevie nicks "stand back" (especially after watching this performance to it at mustache mondays last month. so hot!)

3) the game feat. lil wayne "my life"

4) sia "day too soon" (i know, OBSESSED.)

5) kate bush "babooshka" (this video could basically be actual footage of my brain activity. bonus: joe hates this song and freaks out every time it comes on my ipod. comedy gold.)

top five things i watch:

1) olympics (duh x2)

2) project runway (yes, this season's contestants are weak, esp considering last season was one of the best, but it's still entertaining. and i WILL meet tim gunn before i die if it kills me.)

3) re-watching skins (absolutely brilliant british tv show. you can watch series one and two without too much headache here, but also if you want to do it the old fashioned way, series one begins airing on BBC America this sunday @ 9 pm)

4) shear genius (why do i watch this crap? i can honestly say i have had the privilege of working with mostly talented AND smart hairstylists in my own short-lived hair career, but i do believe they may be rare. that fact may be changing, but this show is no reflection of that. AND I LOVE IT. sad, but i can't stop. if i had seen this before i went to beauty school, it would have scared me right back into college. oh well.)

5) oprah (i need a job and some zoloft, stat.)

well, i guess that takes care of that. in other news, i am getting my hair cut on friday and i don't know if i will get a trim or get the chop. i hate having long hair and it's hard to tell if i'm really balding with my hair being so long. i MUST know for sure before i start spending every waking minute obsessing about it, thereby inadvertently stressing the last remaining strands right off my skull, but the length makes it hard to judge the density. also, it's fucking hot in l.a. right now. then, i think of how long it took to grow it and how it will be winter in no time (aka 60 degrees in january). i just don't know what to do, but even if i keep it long, i definitely need a trim, as i am living deep in ponytail country.

my life is so interesting. thank god i have a blog.

more sports?!?!

sorry guys, i'll try to write more later today if i get a chance, but i'm exhausted.

here is a video i found on youtube with a montage of changes in the uneven bars in gymnastics over the years. i found it while looking for videos of soviet gymnast larissa latynina, the first and (so far) only woman to ever win 9 gold medals, and is also, i think, the most decorated olympian of all time with 18 medals total. as i was watching videos of her i noticed first how her body was so much more "womanly" than those of gymnasts today. i used that term within quotations because i am well-aware that women's bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but the difference in their appearance is striking. sure, she is still thin, but she isn't as small or muscular as they seem to be today. it seems like back then it was a little more about grace and style. it is the natural evolution of a sport, of course, and it is wonderful to see the female gymnasts of today exhibiting such strength, it just makes me uneasy that they look, and are, so very very young.

you will also note the use of tori amos' "little earthquakes". how emo!

eye of the tiger overfed housecat

i promised myself i wouldn't let it happen this time. i avoided the tv, avoided checking up on it on the internets... but alas, i have caught OLYMPIC FEVER!!! it cannot be stopped.

four years ago my ex took me on vacation to vegas and i swear to god, we spent nearly the entire trip glued to the television watching gymnastics. it was fun and all, but i still think about how kind of lame that was, especially since i have weirdly decent luck in vegas and probably could have won some shrimp cocktail money on the penny slots. damn.

like anyone who doesn't understand sports with balls and stuff, my favorites to watch are any race-type sport, particularly swimming, and like anyone who dreams of being a cute flying tiny, i also love to watch gymnastics. the problem with those two sports are that when i picture the people that get into doing them, at least in the usa, i think of white kids with rich parents having the time and money to do whatever they want. that's all fine and good, and certainly no one could deny or diminish their athletic talent, but it's not nearly as fun as a crazy story about rising up from nothing to win gold and the love and respect of your entire country. because of this, and i tend to root for whatever athlete/country has the most interesting story and/or is the underdog. sometimes that happens to be the usa, such as in the SUPER-AMAZING men's freestyle relay i watched tonight. man, that was good. i also watched cuba CRUSH the usa 3-0 in women's volleyball, which was awesome. okay, so cuba wasn't the underdog in that game, but what can i say?

now i am watching the chinese women (can you even call them that? there is even some controversy this year with people saying some of them are not the required age of 16, and it certainly looks to be true, although the olympics committee says it isn't.) do floor exercise. floor exercise kind of bores me sometimes and so does the chinese team. they are a bit robotic, and i like a little drama. the announcers are talking about how the romanian team sucks now and aren't as rigid and hard on the girls as they used to be. they are talking about how the girls used to focus only on their routines back in the day and now they actually talk to each other and when one does bad the coach still hugs them, whereas before he would just walk away. um, okay, this is awful. i don't know why i love watching gymnastics so much, it is a terrible sport! a bunch of ripped mini-ladies with amenorrhea and ponytails so tight it is probably killing their brain cells. plus, the american team looks so boring this year. i need to research them, but on looks and outward-shining personality alone, none of them looks special. i bet they are all named "staci." are they? they are, right? i'm gonna google it.

who am i kidding, though. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! still, no one will ever be svetlana khorkina to me. she is a goddess! i always liked the russians. dunno why. anyway, if it comes down to usa vs. china, i will definitely be cheering for my countrywomen. there is some kind of mini-crisis re: injuries going on just now making them seem much more appealing to me. also, one of them, nastia liukin, is apparently russian and there is another girl with giant boobies and gay face. okay, done, i'm totally on board.

anyway, swimming is still my favorite, it's so exciting! i also like to watch diving. in fact, i like to think of the aquatic sports as "my" sports, because as you may know, i am taking water aerobics now. yeah, i really know my way around a pool, i gotta say.

water aerobics is really fun and, with the right teacher, actually an awesome workout. there are things about it that make me a little uneasy, like how everyone else walking by the pool kind of looks at us funny, which is not helped by the interesting music the teachers sometimes play. yesterday i walked into the pool just as a mega-mix of hanson's "MmmBop" was ripping through the crisp sunday morning peace. i was also nervous at first about being in my bathing suit and exercising. luckily my fears were put to rest on day one when i was greeted with at least 30 women who were about 30-40 pounds heavier than me and mostly much older. there are a few skinny women, but everyone is really nice and being under the cover of the water is truly a blessing. although, i shudder to think of what the view from an underwater lens would be like. yikes! all in all, though, i am into it. i'm not into how the bottom of the pool is making me have sandpaper-feet, though, so i am getting pair of water socks. i know that's super-gay, but luckily so am i.

wow, this is totally becoming a sports blog! i think i am going to go out and buy a tracksuit! and by "tracksuit", i mean "ice cream cake."

(half)pipe dreams

lately i had begun to think that none of my dreams would ever come true. oh, sorry, i think i am using the term "dreams" rather loosely. i don't really have any of those kind that begin with "someday i'll be..." or "i want to achieve success in the field of..." 

i just wasn't built that way.

it was revisiting this thought, that most of the dreams i dream are rather small, that finally cheered me up a bit this weekend, as it also brought me to the realization that i have actually been living out many of my dreams left and right! first off, i now own and love a vixen bandit dildo (which i promise to review later this week), started taking a water aerobics class (more on that in another post), and finally made it into the basement of the staples center.

but let me start at the beginning. 

it was friday, august 1st, 2008 at 2:30 p.m. joseph and i were headed to the X-Games 14 women's street skate finals, which were being held on a large course built on a parking lot just outside the staples center in downtown l.a. we were going there to watch my friends amy caron, vanessa torres, sophie poppe, and evelien bouilliart compete. i was also looking forward to watching marisa dal santo, as i had never seen her skate in person, and leticia bufoni, whom i had seen the weekend before at the S3 Supergirl competition in huntington beach. leticia is a 15 year-old brazilian tiny who skates like a maniac. look, i don't know anything about skating and i won't pretend to, but i know what i like to watch. it's fun to watch them when they have serious tenacity and keep going after a trick until they get it, or make it look easy (i think that's called "style"). anyway, i love watching little leticia almost as much as i like watching my good friends skate. marisa (who won the silver medal that day) was fucking awesome to watch too, as well as (obviously) the day's gold medal winner elissa steamer. 

but my most favorite skater EVER, partly because she's awesome at skating, partly because she is really funny, and partly because last summer she looked-after my black-out drunken ass in ways i may never know, is amy caron, and i am so proud of her for winning the bronze medal! 

the competition was set up in three jams of seven minutes each on different parts of the course. joe and i had awesome passes because sophie hooked us up with her friends and family passes, so the view was great to watch the comp, but not so great for taking pics because i couldn't actually get on the course. everyone was skating really well, but it seemed by the third jam, which was on a rail, that leticia bufoni and rachel reinhard were duking it out for third place, at least that's what the announcers were saying. it did seem like they were both hitting the pavement hard trying to complete some fancy kickflips over the stairs, and according to what the girls said later, that part of the course was really gnarly, which i assume means steep. it's hard to get that perspective when you are standing beside it, but i guess it looks much more daunting standing at the top staring down at the pavement below, or rather careening toward it on a piece of wood with wheels on it

anyway, as i said, amy had been skating well, but i don't think she felt like she was in medal contention, or at least that's what i was getting from her body language after the third jam. when she heard that she was currently in fourth place just before the final jam began, though, it was really on. the crowd watched her kick it into overdrive, and it was an amazing thing to see. if i remember correctly, she was the only person to skate the ledge, and the trick she did was beautiful. it is called a 5-0 and please don't ask me why that is, but here is what it looked like. after this part there was a perfect landing and a lot of cheering. it was awesome. 

the rest, as they say, is history. amy won the bronze medal at X-Games for the second year in a row and it was time to celebrate. the first thing we did was head down to the athlete's lounge at the staples center to hang out and wait for her to be done with interviews and stuff. the passes we had enabled us to go down there, but we needed to have another special pass to actually WALK down there. it was kind of ridiculous, but it made me feel very special and VIP when we finally found someone to escort us down. okay, so i never realized i had always dreamed of walking into the bowels of the staples center until i  was doing it, but it was just sort of exhilarating! almost as exciting as the actual athlete's lounge, which was stocked with all manner of free non-alcoholic  beverages, a catering station, baskets and baskets of powerbar products, a free photobooth, massage therapist, flat screen tv, leather couches, and a unisex bathroom! i felt like kobe bryant himself! i'm pretty sure i opened one of each of every free drink in the place just to taste it. unfortunately i am a moron who was in the direct sun for four hours that day and i lost my head, so the only two pictures i have of the experience are one of half of sophie's face and marisa and evelien eating free sandwiches and one of amy texting really gay-ly. BEST DAY EVER

now, i know this coverage isn't exactly in-depth, as i obviously know nothing about the technical aspects of skateboarding, but i wanted to share my day with you. i was super-disappointed when i went to the X-Games blog and was met with this post about the women's event, which is lackluster at best, and downright offensive at worst. i guess it is supposed to be flip and funny in the classic skateboarder way, but i didn't find it amusing and a lot of the information was wrong. one would think that in a sports world that lives outside of the norm, that women wouldn't have to work extra hard to be considered legit, but i guess some things are universal.

anyway, here is the video of the highlights they posted, thankfully.

on the up-side, i had a great time hanging out with all the girls at once. sophie and evelien were visiting from belgium, vanessa was down from northern california, marisa says funny stuff and is from chicago, and meeting leticia was really cool, even though there is a language barrier. these women have the ultimate respect for each other, as athletes and as people, and they drive each other, which makes the sport even better.

 

*the picture of amy's 5-0 trick was taken by ashley brennan (click to make photos larger). you can see a few more of my pics from the competition and the ensuing madness on my Flickr page.

more like Cul-de-sac of the Dolls

first, two things:

1) my cold is gone, but now i am completely despondent and sick with self-loathing.

2) i'm pretty sure i'm mildly dyslexic. if it's possible to be "mildly" dyslexic.

on the bright side, my sick time last week was spent reading. sure, it was the trash classic valley of the dolls, but hey, emphasis on CLASSIC. i can't believe i hadn't read this before! i had a lot of problems with the narrative, not to mention the over-indulgent use of the word "fag," but i have to say once i started i couldn't put it down. i am always fascinated by stories where, while there are moments of vulnerability and goodness, most if not all of the characters are not terribly likable. i guess this comes from my early exposure and love for soap operas. i was hooked on guiding light, as the world turns, and the young and the restless by the time i was seven. i've mentioned before how i feel like this warped my brain a bit. instead of fairy tale complex, i definitely have it in my mind that life is a never ending struggle in which more than likely you are going to lose your husband to your best friend, probably get hit by a car, and the event of having your baby stolen by an escaped mental patient is just shy of inevitable. some people call that being dramatic, negative, or paranoid, but i think of it as being mentally prepared.

anyway, i always thought the "dolls" in this book were the women, but they are slang for the pills the women take, specifically seconal. pills scare me because i feel like it would be super-easy to get addicted to them by accident. it's not like you have to score them in some crack den. well, personally i think the crack den aspect of addiction would be the most rewarding because of all the wacky characters and atmosphere, but that must be the writer in me. 

most of my experience with pills was limited to the time in high school when my best friend and i met this older guy who gave us valiums and vicodins all the time. the valium got me through some rough spots, such as my graduation day when i was sitting there knowing i wasn't going to get my diploma, but honestly i think the most i ever popped was two, and i mostly only used them when i felt i "needed" one. nerd alert, right? as for vicodin, i learned my lesson with that shit when i took one on an empty stomach once before religion class (catholic high school), and not only did i feel like i was on storm-beaten ship, but the teacher asked me to get up and shut the door and, upon doing so in my dazed state, it smacked me right on my forehead. i think she knew something was up then, and i never really got into that stuff again.

when i think of what could have happened (see: the episode of A&E's show intervention about a woman named sandra who is addicted to pain pills), i feel lucky, but then i remember that i don't really have an addictive personality. truthfully i am a big square deep down, don't let my tales of boozing and public sex fool you.