Archive for consume

target: women

December 29, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, t.v.

i have been feeling like a bit of a bummer these days, so anything that makes me smile is much appreciated. thanks to one of my favorite blogs, gaycondo, i have been introduced to the hilarity that is sarah haskins’ “Target: Women” videos. she serves up brilliant comedic analyses on how the media, advertising specifically, targets women in bizarre and sometimes downright insulting ways.

this is familiar territory for me, as i think about this quite a bit, but sarah brings up some things i never really thought about before, like why birth control is sold as period control and not, um, BABY REDUCER. i guess it never occurred to me as a gay lady who takes birth control to control her periods (they are about 9-10 days otherwise) that most women who take the stuff do so to stay kidfree. with all the sexuality on tv, this is just kind of appalling. women have sex! FOR FUN!

here is the birth control video. it’s LOL funny, so watch at work with caution.


this one on chick flicks had joe and i both in hysterics over “friend-o’s” alone.


and finally, this one made me laugh a lot…


because it’s true, then days later i heard about this:

Splendafiber

splenda with fiber!!! fiber in your artificial sweetener. talk about a target audience.

of course you know, however, i WILL be purchasing this. i love a little extra boost of fiber. i’ll let you know how it works.

2 comments

down UNDER

November 14, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, gay, reviews

this might be my second post titled that. LOL.

anyway, as if we needed another reason why australia is so much more awesome than the usa, check out this commercial michael k. posted on Dlisted yesterday:

banned in the usa, of course! this is the kind of marketing genius we need. it’s a BIG FRIENDLY BEAVER. hillllarious!

anyway, speaking of beavers…

well, wait, i know most of you are waiting with bated breath (haha) for me to speak out on the recent injustice of Proposition 8 passing in my state of CA, but truthfully so many of my great blogging colleagues have spoken up so eloquently on the subject, i just don’t feel it necessary just now. i’m sure it will come up again because this is shaping up to be THE topic and THE civil rights issue of our time, but my sadness and anger has, through all the marching i have done (and will continue to do starting this saturday), turned into hope, real hope and pride in my community. it just doesn’t seem to warrant a rant at this time.

BUT, i will take you on a small mini-rant regarding another injustice.

moist wipes.

first of all, let me be clear, i am part of the faction of society that hates the word “moist.” god almighty, do i hate it! i also never thought i would buy moist wipes. i have friends who always have a pack of moist wipes or baby wipes by their toilets and i would just think to myself, “really? triple-ply paper is not enough, huh? gotta have a wet bum, huh? i don’t get it.” add that to the fact that one of my main pet peeves, as you may know, is to be damp in any way unless i am showering or swimming, and there you have it.

well, as we are all aware, life tends to take one on different journeys and minds and hearts can always be changed. as it turns out, wipes are great to have around for pre- and post-sex freshening. at my work (oh yeah, i work at a sex shop now. more on that later. maybe.) we have things called like SexxNaps or CumCleen, but truthfully unless they are anti-bacterial and being used to clean toys and such, plain baby wipes or moist wipes do the job and are way cheaper. so, yeah, even though usually i like things with sex-related names or that smell like mango or have a specific purpose and snappy packaging (i am an ad executive’s dream), i have been feeling pretty thrifty lately, so i decided to head out to the local target for this wipe expedition.

i don’t usually buy generic brand products. i know it’s RIDIC and wrong, but i am a 27 year-old woman that has grown to know and love her Opti-Free brand contact lens solution and i know the CVS brand says “compare to Opti-Free” on the side and costs half the price, but i do not care! well, for some reason, i tend to make many exceptions to this when it comes to target brand. i don’t know if it’s because it is a name i trust or if it’s the clean, appealing packaging, or even the quirky commercials, but i feel okay with target brand.

as further evidence that i am rapidly turning into a memaw, my new favorite thing is reading ingredients and comparing prices on EVERYTHING, even wet wipes. as i did this, i discovered that the target brand actually seemed to have the fewest confusing ingredients (hydrogenated oils are in some of the other brands. i know they won’t clog my arteries from there, but still, do i want to rub them on my precious gem? not really) and were (duh) the cheapest. i decided to then check out some of the ones that are made specifically for women. this makes no sense, as the products are essentially the same, but i tend to be drawn to products for women. my old roomate ashlee made so much fun of me the time i got athlete’s foot from standing in the salon all day and bought anti-fungal foot creme for women. what? it was purple and had extra moisturizers! and she still stole it and used it all when she needed it. anyway, in doing this comparison between the wet wipes, i discovered that the target brand wipes for women have the same ingredients, fewer wipes, yet are more expensive than the general ones! and the packaging is far-less user-friendly! very upsetting indeed.

i mean, we all know these “for women” products are a ploy, even i know that, but i guess i expected better from the normally fine value that is target generics. i almost purchased cotonelle, always, or even loves baby wipes in protest, but in the end the low low price, simple ingredients, and e-z pop box of the target brand wet wipes won me over. maybe i will say “screw the man” and refill the box with unscented baby wipes when i’m done with them.

they say it’s the small victories.

2 comments

this is a bit cheap

August 14, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, list it, this just in

but i am sleepy and in the arms of the one i love.

here are some lists in no particular order.

current top five things i hate most:
1) price of gas (not lowering fast enough!)
2) katy perry (constipated, airheaded, contemporary christian crapfest)
3) people who aren't funny or interesting. any one of the two even would be fine…
4) being totally no joke broke (bank balance = $.67)
5) not having health insurance (i need yasmin fast before my 10 day periods cause me to hurt someone)

current top five things i love (not counting joseph):
1) water aerobics (reason for living, truthfully)
2) sia (makes me laugh and cry)
3) the olympics (duh)
4) hansen's diet pomegranate soda (so fruity, so sweet, so splenda!)
5) when i can write something decent 

top five songs:
1) sia "lentil" (so beautiful. apparently it is about a dog, which killed it a little for me meaning-wise, but still, gorgeous.)
2) stevie nicks "stand back" (especially after watching this performance to it at mustache mondays last month. so hot!)
3) the game feat. lil wayne "my life"
4) sia "day too soon" (i know, OBSESSED.)
5) kate bush "babooshka" (this video could basically be actual footage of my brain activity. bonus: joe hates this song and freaks out every time it comes on my ipod. comedy gold.)

top five things i watch:
1) olympics (duh x2)
2) project runway (yes, this season's contestants are weak, esp considering last season was one of the best, but it's still entertaining. and i WILL meet tim gunn before i die if it kills me.)
3) re-watching skins (absolutely brilliant british tv show. you can watch series one and two without too much headache here, but also if you want to do it the old fashioned way, series one begins airing on BBC America this sunday @ 9 pm)
4) shear genius (why do i watch this crap? i can honestly say i have had the privilege of working with mostly talented AND smart hairstylists in my own short-lived hair career, but i do believe they may be rare. that fact may be changing, but this show is no reflection of that. AND I LOVE IT. sad, but i can't stop. if i had seen this before i went to beauty school, it would have scared me right back into college. oh well.)
5) oprah (i need a job and some zoloft, stat.)

well, i guess that takes care of that. in other news, i am getting my hair cut on friday and i don't know if i will get a trim or get the chop. i hate having long hair and it's hard to tell if i'm really balding with my hair being so long. i MUST know for sure before i start spending every waking minute obsessing about it, thereby inadvertently stressing the last remaining strands right off my skull, but the length makes it hard to judge the density. also, it's fucking hot in l.a. right now. then, i think of how long it took to grow it and how it will be winter in no time (aka 60 degrees in january). i just don't know what to do, but even if i keep it long, i definitely need a trim, as i am living deep in ponytail country.

my life is so interesting. thank god i have a blog.

No comments

angry fat chick

July 15, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, fat, list it, this just in

i’m sick. officially sick with fever. this weekend was too much fun. i will post all about it when i don’t feel like dying.

a couple of months ago this girl i used to be friends (if you could call it that) with, who turned out to be totally insane (i am losing my ability to judge character accurately) called me at 8 in the morning from the city far away she now lives in and left a crazed message calling me a “stupid fucking fat bitch” and accusing me of telling her girlfriend she kissed someone else, which i didn’t, but almost wish i had because then the story would be way better. anyway, i sorted the whole thing out, reasoning with her as much as i could. i got a few more crazy texts, but then at the end of it all, she said 

“blog about this and i will kick your ass.”

hahahaha. i thought that was so funny because i wish to god i had a blog in which i write about REAL LIFE gossip. totally Gossip Girl style. how fucking hilarious would that be? i just made up three different blind item entries i could write here, but i won’t because that would be awful. people tell me all the time i should have done an anonymous blog and written about all the gossip i know, but that was when i knew any gossip (i don’t anymore. or do i???) and even then i could never do that, mostly because i respect people’s privacy, but also because it would be really fucking obvious it was me. 

anyways, i don’t really care about gossip anymore. i have enough drama going in my little life to last a lifetime. wait, does sitting around being annoyed by stuff count as drama? whatevs. here is a list of things i find annoying. i am starting south beach next week and it’s going to be hard for me to not be a raging bitch, so i’m going to try and get it all out now. 

1) is it hard to make a milkshake? i wouldn’t know because i never do ridiculous things like make milkshakes at home, but it sounds easy enough. i’m not too big on milky sweets, but once in a while i get a craving and such cravings have been thwarted twice lately. once was at the drive thru at burger king (or something) because they said they didn’t make them after a certain time. what the eff? crazy. then a couple of weeks ago i had a horrible hangover only a black and white milkshake could fix (that’s when they make it with vanilla ice ice cream and chocolate syrup instead of chocolate ice cream) so joe said he’d get me one at the brite spot. he went there and they said they were understaffed for the lunch shift and couldn’t make any milkshakes. now, i am all for giving overworked employees a break, but their milkshakes are so grossly overpriced, you’d think it would be worth it for them to just take a minute and make one. luckily my man is resourceful and sweet and asked the kind folks at jack and the box to mix the vanilla and chocolate ice creams into a shake for me. good god, i am an ass-pain.

2) this fake nerd look has gone too far. i’m not going to say it doesn’t look cute on some people, but if i see one more blonde-highlighted mall girl-cum-hipster in fake black eyeglasses i am going to walk right up to her and poke her in the eyeballs. i happen to be pretty much legally blind and consider people wearing fake glasses not totally unlike blackface. okay, that is way over the top, but still, i don’t like it. i think my glasses are pretty cute, and i don’t find my contacts to be too much of a hassle, usually, but it’s scary to know that without those things i would be totally dependent on someone else for my simple well being, as i cannot see my own hand unless it is four inches in front of my face. no joke. 

3) i hate how “back to school” starts in july. if i still went to school, that would depress the hell out of me. do kids even get summer off anymore? i bet they don’t. look, i hate dealing with children as much as the next person who hates children, but summer memories were some of the best of my life and i guess it’s good for them to be in the general population sometimes. institutionalization is great and all, but so is this. 

4) lately i haven’t been sleeping well. my sleep has been very surface, if that makes sense. it feels almost like getting just outside of your body and just rolling over and watching yourself sleep, but still being semi-conscious. and because of this, my dreams have been BEYOND ordinary. i really want to apply to one of those sleep problems things on craigslist, but i’m thinking they probably make you sleep in a tiny glass room wearing a paper nightgown and who could fall asleep like that? also, if you were to fall asleep, what if you fart or confess something embarrassing in your sleep? i mean, i never fart, obviously, or i’d be way less tense, but i totally talk in my sleep, i’ve been told. at length. 

5) in my old age, i have gotten way more sensitive to weird stuff. for example, i used to think it was funny when you go somewhere shitty like a coffee shop or something and the person working there is an ass to you. this is for two reasons, one being that i worked in customer service for a long time and i was 19-23 and fucking so rude to stupid people if i thought i could get away with it, and two because if they are rude to you then you can be REALLY rude back, provided they are not in any position to tamper with your food. i have found that being rude back works because it makes the person realize what an ass they are being and usually they start being nice, plus is gets my bitchiness quota for the day over with and i can leave said establishment with a sense of accomplishment knowing that perhaps i paved the way for that clerk/barista/sandwich guy to be nicer to the next customer. anyways, lately i have been really bummed when people are rude. like joe and i were in subway and he was ordering a sandwich and the guy working there was so mean. he was throwing the veggies around and when joe asked for extra mustard he squirted it on all exaggerated-like. this made me very sad because joe was being so polite to this guy and his sandwich order was not that complicated. that dude should have counted his lucky stars i wasn’t getting anything that day because i order mine with heavy lettuce, medium bell peppers, light onions, medium mustard, extra vinegar, but only regular oil, salt and pepper, and pepperoncinis, not too many, but enough and oh, please distribute them evenly on the sandwich. look, i realize that job has to suck pretty fucking bad, but unfortunately getting to choose to have things exactly how you want them is the whole point of subway sandwiches. that dude that was mean to my baby made me so mad, i wanted to ask for his manager, but he was scary and had a neck tattoo and i figured maybe he had enough issues to worry about.

6) in fact, and maybe this is because it’s been so long since i worked in the service industry, or maybe it’s just because i am getting old, but it bothers me a lot more when people drop the ball on the customer service front. i guess that’s because i usually try to be the best customer i can, except for that whole complicated ordering thing, but i always apologize for that and tip well. i used to work in a hair salon and things there were kind of medium in terms of service. like, as an assistant, i hated when they ladies were like “yes, please order my lunch and please test my coffee on your wrist before i drink it so i can make sure it’s not too hot” but i would do it with a smile because it was the best idea to keep them happy and also i did not want to get fired. all of the stylists and colorists there were very professional but it wasn’t overly stuffy, which i hate. well, joe went to get his hair cut at this cute, hip little salon in silverlake and it was cool in there and all, but kind of weird. we stood there for a long time before this guy who i think was the owner got off the couch and said “can i help you?” and then when stylist came out of the b
ack she said, “i’ll be right with you” then proceeded to eat her snack and chit chat with the receptionist for a long time. i know they don’t get much time to eat and stuff, but it was weird not to have anyone offer us drinks or magazines and usually stylists eat in the back room. it just looks better, i think. the girl who did his hair was nice and all, but during the cut she and the owner, who was also cutting, mostly joked and chatted amongst themselves which was weird. i mean, it’s really hard/annoying to have to talk to clients all day, i get that, but why would anyone want to sit there trapped under a cape and a sharp object while you have a conversation with someone else about your partying and inside jokes? no way. then  a few days later we were in santa barbara at some record shop and the salesgirl was talking really loudly, even over blasting music, about “the stupid fucking cunt next door” who got her car ticketed. i found it jarring. am i just becoming REALLY old fashioned? i dunno, i also found it strange when she then turned down the music so it was literally silent in the entire store and proceeded to order a sandwich and curse out her friend on the phone. 

7) i hate having long hair. i am cutting it off forever next spring.

8) most of all i guess i am over myself. i have been such a hater lately and, while i feel most, if not all, of it is warranted, it is tiring and i would like to move on. 

SO… yeah. i’m just gonna try and work on making myself better and trying to make this blog interesting again. i wish i had some interesting stuff like gay celeb sightings or something, but it takes SO MUCH out of me to go out in hollywood and west hollywood these days, i can’t even imagine doing it. it’s hard to go out at all, actually. i feel really in my own head and out of place. i’m thinking i should take advantage of that time to try and write a lot more and work more on my projects and such, but then i used to get such inspiration from being out, seeing people, etc. these days it all feels so uninspiring. what i really need is a change of scenery, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. all i can see on the horizon is an endless sea of craigslist job postings. and maybe the odd vodka soda.

p.s. if i get my ass kicked, you all know who did it. 
No comments

cloudbusting

June 30, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, gay, musica, pain

this is my new fav video (thanks natasha!). it is kate bush’s “cloudbusting“, which is based on a true story. it is such a beautiful song and the video makes me cry. i especially get weepy when she whispers toward the end “i’m cloudbusting, Daddy.” do i have daddy issues? yes. but also, there is the obvious in my life right now, which is that i am trying to change the weather. “i just know that something good is gonna happen. i don’t know when, but just saying it could even make it happen…”

i should mention that the job hunt isn’t going so well. i am in a constant state of worry, bordering on hysterics, which is proving to have a range of negative side-effects, from chest cavity-melting heartburn all the way to friction in my relationship. this is deeply vexing because while i am lucky enough to have a prescription for generic zantac, i do not have what i really need, which is deep, intensive psychotherapy. 

to make matters worse, i am (obviously) less than confident about how i look right now because of my weight-gain and because i am pretty sure i am going bald. this makes it difficult to look for a job because i have this idea in my head that i am not hot enough to work anywhere. joe says this is crazy. he says “do i always have to listen to you talking shit about yourself?” and i say “yes. welcome to the next 50 years of your life.” jk i hope maybe i will get some self-esteem in the next couple of months, but honestly getting a second job is one thing that is really going to help that. but then how do i get a job is i am stupid, and ugly? SEE WHAT I MEAN??? vicious cycle! 

this is obviously old news, but i just saw a story on the news about sexy coffee shops popping up all over the pacific northwest. two thoughts: 

a) wtf? see, i knew it was just going to get harder and harder for regular-looking people to get jobs. it’s bad enough living in l.a. where you sometimes feel like you have to be a hot model type, punky/piercings type, or hipster girl-uniform-wearing type (think skinny jeans, overpriced t-shirt, and bored facial expression) to get a job anywhere in the city at a retail store, but now you are telling me i might someday need to look great in garters to sell coffee? ridiculous. heinous. i’m going to resume planning my suicide now. 

b) speaking of wtf, wtf is up with the pacific northwest? i feel like they are playing a big joke on the rest of us. first they are like, “hey! everyone should do what we’re doing! we make quality coffee with care and we have shops that we hang out in and it’s like, our culture!” then they are like, “hey, now your coffee is going to be served by Suicide Girls rejects.” i don’t get it. when i think of the NW, i think of flannel, falling rain, and feminists (blame riot grrrl), and yet i always hear about crazy things happening there like drinking allowed in fully naked strip clubs (good idea? bad idea?) and now half-naked girl coffee! 

fine, i guess that’s only two things, and i guess it’s my fault for seeing the NW as some kind of stereotypical queer utopia (minus the flannel and rain). joe says if i move there, which i toy with often, i will realize that there are downsides and upsides to living in any town. as you know, i LOVE l.a., but i am currently feeling a bit down on the queer community here, and on any sense of community at all. i’m craving that, especially a community of real, down, queer femmes, who are less interested in screwing each other over for andro/butch/guy attention and more interested in being besties, shopping for lipstick, making muffins, and having reading groups. maybe it’s right in front of me and i am looking in all the wrong places, but i am having a hard time, nonetheless. 

last time i was in portland i was like, i HAVE to move here, i don’t have a choice. i NEED this. then i was in the bathroom and i had an epiphany. i don’t remember what club i was at, but the bathroom was the same as any club in l.a., minus the hair extensions, and it occurred to me, no amanda-faye, running up here would be the easy way out, you must stay in l.a. and try to build that community, try to make it better, BE the femme you want to be friends with! then i got home and one of my friends was hanging out with this really obnoxious girl who i’m pretty sure isn’t even gay, and i realized i was a) up against the impossible, and b) a total judgemental bitch in addition to being lazy. i am probably not the person to try and carry the l.a. femme revolution on her back. can anyone help? i googled los angeles femme groups, but it didn’t go so well. i REALLY don’t want to have to move. my boyfriend goes to school here, i am very close to my family, and i am simply in love with this breathtaking city in ways that no one who doesn’t love los angeles could ever understand. 

plus, if i move to portland, i will not have nearly enough use for HD wraparounds, these beautiful and stylish sunglasses, which i MUST have.

 
 

this is hilarious. the best part is the guy who is TOTALLY SHOCKED that his clip-on sunglasses let light in on the sides. 

i probably would seriously wear them, though, because lord knows i totally wear my sunglasses over my scrip glasses whenever i can’t wear contacts. i honestly do in the car, and sometimes forget to take them off in public! emabarrassing!
No comments

yesterday was maybe the worst day of my life

June 27, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, el sexo

there once was a time when i thought the worst day of my life was the time i was working as a hostess at Buffalo Kitchen and, because i hated that job so much i thought i was going to lose my shit completely and commit suicide in the neighboring American Girl Place (*shudder*) right in front of some over-privileged American Brats, i begged the girl i was working with to let me leave early instead of her. that very same day, only an hour or so after i left, none other than britney spears herself, in the middle, juicy stages of her downward spiral (post head-shaving, pre-child hostage-holding), showed up and chowed down on some ribs. she also attempted to smoke on the enclosed non-smoking back patio and was asked to cease and desist, as the servers on duty scrambled to get the prized souvenir cigarette butt.

the fact that i missed that so i could lay on my couch watching “according to jim” and contemplating my wasted youth will haunt me for the rest of my life. until today, i didn’t think it could get much worse. then i Cocowalked into the pleasure chest in west hollywood thursday evening at 11 p.m. and realized, to my horror, that i had missed another potential greatest moment of my life ever. when we pulled up in the car, we knew something was afoot because there were camera crews walking out. then, as we entered, i saw the posters for the event. we had literally JUST missed the beautiful and glamorous coco, bikini model and wife of ice t. WTF! awful, seriously awful. ice t had been there too and i’m pretty much obsessed with him on law and order SVU, not to mention that whole seminal gangsta rapper thing and that adorable lisp! oh sadness! coco maintains that her ass is all-natural despite the fact that it defies all laws of nature and logic. i, for one, am inclined to believe her. if you can’t believe that somehow, in this crazy, fucked-up world, a 5’2″ 135 lb white woman can have ass-cleavage like two beanbag chairs in her bikini bottom, then what the hell can you believe in? i’m all about it. plus, i saw an interview once with her in it and she seemed like a sweetheart. 

luckily, i was soothed when joe bought me a new toy. it is a pinwheel, something i have been wanting for a VERY long time. i wouldn’t say i am huge into “sensation play” but ever since i tested this thing out on myPinwheel
 arm at the late babeland store on melrose, i knew i had to have it. the little prickles it gives when used lightly feel so good! i can’t wait to use it in more, um, creative ways in private. another bit of wonderful news is i finally got my hands on a vixen bandit and we are having tons and tons of fun with that. i will post a full review of that was well as some other things next week. 

the other good news is that i am house/kitty-sitting for a very good friend of mine this weekend, since i, sadly, could not make it to san francisco for gay pride. i will be somewhat lonesome here this weekend without most of my homos, BUT this is the house i was house-sitting when joseph and i first uncovered our love aka dit it all night long on our first date. i had a good feeling here from the beginning, but now it has an especially fuzzy feeling. 

also, sorry i haven’t been writing to much. i’ve been a bit moody, but also it’s not fun to write posts in this new typepad compose window. i’m also sorry if there is wonky formatting, but i have NO IDEA how to fix it. 

:(


No comments

40 ounces of fury

June 6, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, gay, musica

Uo40cozy

mmkay, so this 40 ounce cozy is an item from the ever-unpopular (on this blog, anyway) Urban Outfitters. i have a weakness for going to their site and looking at the home items because a) i like knick-knacky crap, b) i would never buy it anyway cause it's way overpriced, and c) if i were to ever cave and buy something from them, at least the whole world wouldn't have to know how lazy and unoriginal i had become, only trusted house guests.
well, when i saw this my first thought was, naturally, "OFFENSIVE!" call me a reactionary, politically correct whatever-the-fuck, but i do not appreciate the connotative meaning of the bandana pattern. it's pretty racist and the giant white hand doesn't help. OH HOW IRONIC! you darn clever hipsters and your ironic alcohol choices! my second thought, upon reading the product copy, was that the idea of a 40 oz cozy is actually rather clever, as they do tend to get warm as you drink them. finally, i thought of how weird it is to see things like this being mass-produced and marketed to idiotic college kids (there's that irony again). i mean, hopefully in those fancy classes they teach critical thinking and maybe the reality is that most people who saw this would be like "ew. that's offensive. i am going to make my own." because, as i mentioned, there is definitely a market for all types of beverage cozies, if you ask me.
also, why do some american regional dialects insist upon calling them "coozies"? wtf? that sounds so wrong if you know and understand the accepted definition of the word cooze.
far be it for me to judge, however, as i guess i'm all about tolerance and stuff. i guess.
one more thing i will mention is this singer chick katy perry, whose song "i kissed a girl" is racing up the iTunes charts. i was intrigued by the title, despite myself. i had heard of her growing popularity on myspace and watched the video for her song "ur so gay" which, in addition to having unbelievably derogatory lyrics, just generally sucks. it's a good example of the BAD things that happen now that anyone hot can be famous. well, i listened to the short iTunes clip of "i kissed a girl" to see what the hype was all about. i liked the music and the fact that behind the harder electronic beats, her gritty voice sounds much better. i decided to seek out the lyrics and the entire clip after reading an opinion on it at your daily lesbian moment. well, i have to say that i was really disappointed. firstly, aside from the catchy chorus, the song structure is extremely discordant, and the way she sings is awkward… i don't know enough about music to explain it right, but it sounds bad and not in a good way. secondly, much like the daily lesbian moment blogger, i want to believe that "i kissed a girl" has good intentions behind it, promoting the fact that experimentation is okay, etc., but i found the lyrics very confusing, immature, and bordering on offensive (there's that word again! i swear, i'm not super-sensitive today). that's two strikes of shady against the gays and i'm not cool with that. why is this chick obsessed with us? are we sure she's really straight? someone look into this, please. i'm not going to post the lyrics or videos here, because at this point i have made my decision and don't care to promote her music, but both videos are on the blog i linked and you can google the lyrics. 
well, that's all i have to rant about, for now. i am looking forward to pride weekend. l.a. pride has never been my favorite thing in the world, but as i mentioned before, the east side of l.a. has really gotten it together this year, and i think it's going to be better than EVER! i'm going to be buried up to my ears in queers all weekend, and i wouldn't have it any other way. expect tons of pictures and stories. 
xo
2 comments

special engaYgement (seriously, i could do this all day.)

June 3, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, gay

i often wonder if it's better for me to not write at all or to write short, half-hearted entries when i am not feeling like or don't have time to write. clearly, i have decided to do the latter this evening. 

honestly, part of why it's been hard for me to commit to writing is that i hate this new typepad thing so bad and also my computer is painfully slow.
in the good news department, i finally got a good night's sleep last night. it made for a much better day today, even though i spent half the day in traffic and i didn't get this job i interviewed for. in some ways, didn't want it anyway cause it was a big commitment, but i could have used the money. 

L_4d1fa6a65a08fddc6b7de9b03f6aad8b
speaking of commitments, my friend vanessa is having this HUGE gay pride warehouse party in downtown l.a. on saturday. the whole thing has a wedding theme. people will be getting engaged, there will be wedding cake, a wedding singer, and even a real minister performing gay weddings.
at first i was like "OMG, that's so AWESOME!" then i thought about how drunk we're all going to be and started to get worried that having people get married at a big gay warehouse party might send out the wrong idea, particularly to straights, that we really don't take marriage seriously. normally i'm a fan of bucking tradition in favor of something totally out of the ordinary, but i guess i was feeling worried about giving any ammunition to our detractors. this, of course, sent me into a spiral of thought. i wondered if caring what "they" thought about what we do in the first place meant i was buying into their hatred. 

all was saved when i opened my email last week to this gem from IKEA: 

IKEA is hosting a huge wedding for twenty lucky couples to celebrate Universal Pictures’ release of Mamma Mia! The Movie, in theatres July 18, 2008. 

We'll take care of the reception, justice of the peace, entertainment and cake. 

We'll lay out a Swedish spread and host the ceremony at IKEA Burbank. 

Marriage, commitment ceremony or renewal of vows, it's your choice. The date is already set – July 17, 2008.
You can invite 16 of your closest friends and family to share your glorious day with 19 other couples. 

We’ll even get you started in your new life by giving you a $500 IKEA gift card and other goodies. For your mini-honeymoon, we’re taking you to a pre-screening of Mamma Mia! The Movie. 

All you have to say is "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do." 

Swedeballs
my mind was instantly put at ease. i realized that weddings aren't about gender, sexuality, or anything like that, but rather the curious mix of love, capitalism, and tiny fuckin' hors d'oeuvres. i also remembered that theme weddings and "on location" weddings have been around since the dawn of time, or at least the invention of bungee jumping and morning talk shows. the straights are just as nutty as the gays when it comes to celebrations and ceremonies, which is quite refreshing, actually. 

while we're on the subject of IKEA, can i ask how it can be simultaneously so straight and entirely gay at the same time? is that a euro thing? also a related subject, i will be forcing joe to go see the "mama mia" movie with me, but only because i have a girlie crush on the actress that plays the daughter and also a mature lady crush on meryl streep. that and all the ABBA music, duh.

on one final note, in case you are wondering, no, joe and i will not be getting married or engaged this weekend. we are just not quite ready to take the plunge yet. also, for the record, i would actually consider doing the ikea wedding thing for the $500 gift certificate and swedish meatballs, if only it wasn't in burbank. wtf? that's like, one of the shittiest IKEAs of all. 
One comment

even my makeup is gay

April 18, 2008 Amanda-Faye beauty, clothings, consume, reviews

i am currently on a mission to try and not look like a sea hag every day. it’s not really that hard, i guess. the hardest part used to be doing my hair, but when i became a woman (three years ago), the ability to style my hair properly finally took hold and now, for the most part, my hair always looks presentable-to-nice-to-luscious.

one thing i have had trouble with over the last several years is being too damn lazy to do my makeup. i know this is shocking to those of you who know i own a mountain of cosmetics, the monetary value of which could probably send two or three orphans to college, but it’s true.

i must first note that i totally respect the decision some girls make not to wear makeup at all. most of my most beautiful friends don’t even know how to hold a mascara wand. but the fact remains, however shallow, that makeup makes ugly people look way less ugly, sometimes even pretty. i discovered when i was around 21 that when i go out, even grocery shopping or to the mall, that people are WAY nicer to me when i’m wearing a full face than when i am makeup free (aka foundation only… ha! like i’d EVER leave the house without foundation). the radical, status quo-hating feminist in me understands fully that this is wrong and everyone should be treated equally despite how they look, because we all have something special shining inside, but my fug-hating eyes know exactly how they feel.

the point of this all is that recently my quest for simple beauty was made much easier. i have been using and enjoying MAC studio fix liquid in NC25 with MAC mineralize skinfinish in medium over it. i love the way this looks. the studio fix liquid is a dream foundation, with great coverage, blendability, the famously wonderful MAC color selection, and none of the pore-clogging effects i have found with studio fix powder (which it broke my heart when i had to stop using it. best powder foundation EVER other than that.) right before dinah, though, i decided i needed a makeup that would be a little more hassle-free, sun, and sweat-friendly, so i repurchased bare minerals at sephora. every time i stop using this stuff then buy it again, i am reminded of why i love it so much. the coverage is brilliant, it looks like real skin (some people call that “shiny” but i always get compliments on my “glow”), and it stays on really well, even through a night of dancing. i apply it with the MAC 182 buffer brush, which is a short-handled, ultra-fluffy kabuki brush. I LOVE THIS BRUSH! it’s so soft and luxurious, and at $45 it’s cheaper than many luxe brushes on the market. it applies the minerals perfectly, with plenty of coverage but not too cakey.

AmandalHeatherette_for_mac_2what i’m REALLY excited about from MAC, though, is the recent launch of their Heatherette for MAC line. for those not in the know, Heatherette is a design duo out of NYC. richie rich and traver rains create outrageous, fun, over-the-top designs that are inspired by glitter, club kids, and self-described freaks. the fabulous amanda lepore is one of their muses. one of their runway shows featured lepore and recently-retired porn superstar jenna jameson as models. i was looking forward to the MAC launch because i knew that the colors would be very girlie and hopefully involve a lot of pink. then, when the Fafi for MAC line came out and the colors were so blah, disappointing, and overly-glittery, i became worried. luckily, i had no need to fear! the Heatherette line is absolutely GORGEOUS! i seriously would have bough every single lipstick, lipgloss, and powder if i could. in the end, i bought the beauty powder in “alpha girl”, a warm, sheer pink with a slight sheen. it’s very pale, but as colors tend to oxidize and darken on me, it shows up nicely as a natural flush. the compact is so so pretty too (bright bubblegum pink with a Heatherette logo disco ball). i also got the lipstick in “melrose mood”, an opaque pepto-pink, and “lollipop loving”, which is a beautiful medium peach with a green/gold shimmer. “lollipop loving” is the more wearable of the two, but i really love oddly opaque light-colored lipsticks like “melrose mood”, especially with a summer tan.

the collection is mostly sold out on MAC’s website, but i had no trouble finding it in stores a few weeks ago. i would definitely recommend the beauty powder and “lollipop loving” lipstick. all i have to do is dash these on, along with some black eyeliner on my lower lids and a coat of mascara, and i look summer-ready. if i’m feeling sassy, i have been wearing a bit of eyeshadow again as well, which is a nice touch. if all goes well with my new non-haggard look, i will be earning less and less disdain everywhere i go!

p.s. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD go here to watch the Heatherette for MAC video. there is no way to embed it here, but it is the gayest thing ever and makes me feel all warm inside. why was i born with a vagina? i was meant to run free with the fags!

p.s.s. this man, andre j, international model and covergirl, is my new favorite person. i’m SO OVER lesbians with mustaches. drag queens with full beards = so all about.


Portrait01

No comments

may your cocks hummeth over

April 16, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, el sexo, reviews

i would like you all to know that i am resisting with every fiber of my being blogging about friday night lights again. wait, can i just say i must concur with emno – why can’t ALL guys be matt saracens? *sigh*

anyway, my life is BEYOND boring right now. i went to a fun party for sujey’s birthday on saturday, but thanks to the fact that my camera died at dinah, i have very little documentation of that fact. i have a warranty on the damn thing, but they wouldn’t just give me a new one, they had to send it in for repairs, which is so annoying because you know it’s just going to break again. ugh!

since i have a grand total of $60 to my very name, i obviously can’t afford to get a bikini wax right now, so tomorrow i have decided to dedicate the day to grooming myself. this is going to be somewhat unpleasant, but i am armed with the knowledge i attained from my last home bikini wax and two cold PBRs so everything might be okay. i also have to pluck my eyebrows which, in case you are wondering, now have two grey trespassers. it’s enough to make a grown woman cry right into her face cream. i mean, one who is a lot more shallow than i… uh, yeah.

what else? oh yeah, so we have tried the vibrating cock ring from babeland several times now. it’s amazing. i will say it’s a little distracting for me during “man on top” sex, because for the most part i am the kind of girl who likes things, such as clitoral and vaginal stimulation, one at a time.

when i was little, my family used to call me “cafeteria girl” because i always insisted on having each of my foods on separate plates or separated very carefully on the plate, with no one thing touching another. i guess in some ways that has spilled over into my sex life. heartwarming? creepy? well, in any case it’s true. for the most part, i like to get off externally first by having my clit stimulated either manually or orally, then be penetrated and come again that way. i rarely used to come from penetration, but joe has opened a whole other world for me when it comes to that. a fun, fabulous world of wonder!

Elexawhich leads us back to the cock ring. when joe is on top fucking me, it’s by no means bad (how could you go wrong with a vibrator?), but it’s kind of like bzzt – bzzt – bzzt, and that’s a bit disconcerting when i’m trying to fully enjoy the rhythm of his thrusting. however, when i’m on top, it’s a whole other story! i’m SO all about this thing. riding it, i can control the rhythm and intensity of the vibration, and the feeling of coming inside and out at the same time is unreal. the silicone cock also conducts the vibration really well, pretty much turning joe into a human vibrator with great hair and a cute smile, who makes me laugh. good times. it’s kind of embarrassing being unable to control my bliss, but i think joe likes it, so it’s okay. my advice to the ladies is get one and try it out. i have even heard great things about the elexa disposable vibrating ring (pictured here), which they carry at babeland as well as most major drug stores.

Icon5_4it’s kind of crazy how sexy drug stores are getting! my local CVS basically has a wall of lube, couples massage oils, and even novelty condoms, like the inspiral dolphin condom. the original inspiral is going to be part of my condom story, as it came in the babeland condom sampler. i pretty much know how it’s going to turn out because the spiral bit is supposed to enhance the wearer’s pleasure, which is fairly useless to joe and i, as well as the fact that it has been my experience that the extra bagginess and texture might actually be hurty, but i will give it a try for the sake of research. i’m very dedicated and brave! the condom story is on hold for now because i am saving up to buy the vixen bandit, and i don’t want to change cocks half way through the experiment. lately, we have busted out the old vixen woody, just like the one pictrured except in the vanilla color, not black.

Goodfella2_2Prod_woodyblkthe woody is very similar in size and shape to our goodfella, but it doesn’t have balls and is made of smooth, hard silicone as opposed to vixskin silicone, which is vixen’s trademark, skinlike material. i love vixskin, and they now make the mustang, which is a vixskin version of the woody. what i love about the woody over the goodfella, though, is the ridge beneath the head is slightly different. they both look VERY similar, but on the woody, despite the fact that the ridge is larger, it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable. i don’t know if the size compliments my anatomy better or if it has something to do with the material, but i am actually enjoying woody better than goodfella! also, because the hard silicone is so smooth, i haven’t found it necessary to use a condom on it. fyi silicone can be sanitized by boiling for 5-10 minutes, which is cleanly AND fun. joe and i had a boiling party recently and it was actually wildly amusing to see all the cocks in pots on the stove. still, i can’t WAIT to try the bandit. i’m looking forward to the shape and the slight size upgrade, as well as the creative positions we can dream up, thanks to the length.

well, i guess that’s all. i’m on the last episode of season two of FNL and i don’t know what i’m going to do after this! can i just say, why do all the boys on the show, even the assy ones, have redeeming qualities, but the girls kind of suck? a lot? i hate lyla, julie is a bratbitch, and i did not like how tyra submarined that poor girl that liked landon. the only female on the show i really like is tami taylor, the mom. she’s so sassy and strong!

One comment
« Older Entries