perspective

i'm not proud of myself for not writing for so long. i beat myself up over it pretty much daily, but i just can't figure out what to say.

i mean, i have lots to say. for example, right now i am in a real tough spot because i obviously support obama, but i'm thinking i might have to take the obama sticker off my car. this is because i am a REALLY crappy driver and there are only three weeks before the election. this election has been so crazy, i am actually totally convinced that my total inability to merge onto the freeway with speed and skill could absolutely lose this thing for obama.

also, there is this whole proposition 8 situation in california. i cannot even begin to... i mean, how can i say that... there is just no way to contain my rage. i cannot believe that this is even an issue in my state. the ads that are running on the "yes on 8" side are so unbelievable. apparently if we don't ban gay marriage NOW, our kids might have to learn tolerance in schools! i know. soon enough they will be teaching black kids how to read and women will be able to vote. 

WTF.

anyway, aside from laziness, the main thing that is keeping me away from writing is that i just haven't figured out how to talk about my life right now. recently i fell further than i ever have. sure, i have had some pretty dark days, but those were when i was a teenager and all i had to do to feel better was cry in all of my classes, cut myself, and write tori amos lyrics in ballpoint pen on my fingers. those were sweet times. i realize that now that i've got some perspective. 

and perspective is a funny thing. i have been working at my new job for a little over a month now and it's hard to believe i had let things go so far. i don't want to be overly optimistic because, well, i am not capable of that, but i am really, truly happy for the first time in forever. i can say this because i am making myself happy. i have missteps every day because, let's face it, that's what makes life hilarious, but i can actually say that i am clearing a path for myself. i am trying to take care of myself in ways i have neglected for way too long. okay, i promise i will get into specifics as soon as i can find the words, but let me reassure you, i am still here. i'm still a Failure Princess. there's nothing in the rules that says you can't be trying to live out your full potential while also having an awful inclination toward dropping heavy stuff on your feet and accidentally getting gum on the side of your own car. 

seriously, this happens to me every time i try to litter. i know it's a total sign and i just need to stop throwing my gum out my window, but i'm taking this thing one day at a time.

Comments

[the sarah]

I'm so happy you've discovered the joy of 30 Rock! I'm trying to convince my sister that she needs to watch it, if only to get all the references Ian and I are always sprinkling into our conversations.

Give me your fingernails!

And so on.

Also, FYI, you can watch new episodes online before they actually show on tv: go to www.hulu.com . They have the season premiere up already. Yesssssssss.