Archive for September 3, 2008

big wheels keep on turnin’

if you guys think just because the weather is getting all fall-like and crisp that i have quit doing water aerobics, you are so wrong! okay, actually this is l.a. so it is only slightly fall-like and crisp but only at night , but i plan on doing water aerobics all year-long if my work schedule will permit. it's no longer my only reason for living, but it is definitely still a bright spot in my ever-darkening life. it gets pretty cold when we get out of the pool at around 7:30, and i know that will only get worse as the weather gets colder, but it's worth it. i love being in the water, especially at night.

in keeping with my general existential theme, that being failure, i cannot afford to have even a low-cost heath insurance plan. i am pretty much legally blind and my glasses are hideously ill-fitting, scratched, and horribly out of date, so i rely on my contact lenses. seeing as i have no insurance, i have been wearing the same disposable monthly pair for like seven months! this is wrong on many levels, but i have justified it by removing and cleaning them meticulously each night. well, my eyes have been bugging me  Michaeldlately. i have experienced itching, soreness, and sensitivity to light… all VERY BAD THINGS. oops. well, i have been trying to wear them less, but my glasses make me feel useless because they suck so much. last night i had a dream in which my eyes hurt the whole dream and they were getting puffier and puffier, like an old person's eyes, all hooded and saggy. then, finally, i looked in the mirror and i had morphed into MICHAEL DOUGLAS! wtf is that supposed to mean?

Water
i don't know what made me think of that just now. i guess because i have been trying to wear my glasses to water aerobics because it's not super-important to see perfectly or look good, but it's hard to have on glasses in the water. there is this one girl, no, two, who wear glasses and they are both kind of the nerds of the class and they always strain really hard to hear the teacher, try to be extra-fast and impressive, and don't really ever smile or talk to anyone else. total over-achievers. it's kind of hilarious. on the other end, there are these two women, and i mean WOMEN, like, in their 30s, who obviously know each other outside of class because they talk THE WHOLE TIME. i always try to stand either away from them or near the radio, but they not only talk, they also have the nerve to stand in the medium-front-center of class! i like to be toward the front on the side, so i often end up right near them. every time i have a class with them, i think of things to say to them like, "hey, maybe you guys wanna talk about this later over lattes?" or "well, your mouths must enjoy this workout!" but then i just lower my head and suffer in silence because i don't want to alienate myself from everyone in the class. i guess some things never change, by land or by sea. 

last night's class was mediocre at first because we had this one teacher that just basically stands at the edge of the pool and does these weird interpretive dance moves while practically whispering the instructions. normally, i would most def be into interpretive water dancing, but since it is a) done with no sense of irony whatsoever, and b) so unlike the GREAT workout we get from our two other teachers, it's frustrating and annoying. 

then, at the very end of the class, there was this nice little moment. we were all doing the bicycle, pumping our legs in the water while using pool noodles as handlebars, when the teacher put on tina turner's version of "proud mary." slowly, softly, thirty women in a swimming pool began singing along. it was kind of embarrassing, but by the rippling glow of the underwater lights, i don't know, it was also kind of beautiful.

"rollin' rollin' rollin' on the river…"

i met sia!

last night (tuesday) at wildness, jd samson was djing. it was great and everyone was on the dancefloor. as i mentioned in a previous post, i have seen jd and sia out together in l.a. before and they are SO CUTE together, but that’s not the point.
now, i am a los angeles native, born and raised, so i try not to get too star-struck when i see celebrities. i mean, for godssake, when i worked at the salon, i washed tom hanks’ hair!!! but, when i see/meet an artist whose work i really really admire, i just lose it. sia is so fucking talented. her most recent album some people have real problems is brilliant. her voice is gorgeous and her lyrics are so so beautiful. i just love it.

well, before i even got there, i accidentally drank a sparks, which if you don’t know is a fine malt beverage MIXED WITH ENERGY DRINK. if you know me in real life, you know i am not allowed to drink energy drinks or i become completely insane. one time i had two sugar free red bulls and then watched an in-line skating contest where the girls were jumping on rails and falling on their faces left and right and i was just screaming uncontrollably. my heart almost leapt right out of my chest and when i was coming down from my high all i wanted to do was suck my thumb and cry.

now imagine that combined with full sugar and a touch of booze. not pretty. i had to have a glass of champagne and a beer just to bring me to almost normal.

then i get in line for the bathroom RIGHT BEHIND SIA!

i had to say something because the way i see it, even if i was a celebrity trying to lay low and hang out with my girlfriend in a tranny dive bar in macarthur park, i would love it if some energy drink-crazed, curly-headed mess came up to me and started screaming in my face about how i am her absolute favorite and she just loves me blah blah blah.

actually, i am not joking, i really would like it, but it didn’t happen exactly that way. when i walked into the alley that the restroom is in (uh huh) she was the only other person in line and i was like “this is awkward, but, uh, i’m a BIG fan!” and she thought that was really funny. she was so so so nice and asked my name and introduced herself (lol) and was the cutest thing ever and really fast in the bathroom, which was a big plus cause i had to pee pretty bad from the sparks and the things i tried to chase it with.

i wanted to ask her to sign my little notebook, but i decided that was just going a bit too far. now i wish i did though because wtf, who cares. i don’t think she would have thought any less of me. oh well. it was really cool and i feel like a dork, but i don’t care. also let me add that she’s a great dancer! i feel like you can really tell a lot about a person by how well they dance to 90s club hits.

you can learn even more about sia and hear her music and see videos on her website. her latest single “soon we’ll be found” is one of the only things in the world that is bringing me any hope and happiness right now. here is the beautiful video and the lyrics.

Come along it is the break of day
Surely now, you’ll have some things to say
It’s not the time for telling tales on me

So come along, it wont be long
‘Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let’s desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we’ll be free

Let’s not fight I’m tired can’t we just sleep tonight
don’t Turn away it’s just there’s nothing left here to say
Turn around I know we’re lost but soon we’ll be found

Well it’s been rough but we’ll be just fine
Work it out yeah we’ll survive
You musn’t let a few bad times dictate

So come along, it wont be long
‘Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let’s desert this day of work
Tomorrow we’ll be free

Let’s not fight I’m tired can’t we just sleep tonight
don’t turn away it’s just there’s nothing left here to say
Turn around I know we’re lost but soon we’ll be found

broken.

if you ask me, building a relationship can be like working with clay. i know it's a bit cliché, but it's just true.

in the beginning, you hold it in your hands and it just feels so good. it is unusual, slippery, wet, gritty, solid, pleasing. and it moves with you, warms to your touch as you mold it.

with a little work, it will become the perfect vessel for two, to be filled with all the loving things both of you can conjure. you know this, you have planned it all out. you can picture the shape in your minds because you know it in your hearts. it's simply a matter of making it real.

but if your hands are idle, you will feel it start to harden in them. maybe you were too unsure, and you hesitated a bit too long. now you have over-manipulated the clay, your vision is blurred, and nothing feels natural anymore. your hands have grown weary. you might be able to still shape the vessel, but when it dries, the cracks will show. they may be too large to mend. 

would it even matter what you put inside it then?

i read a book when i was little that said broken pieces of pottery can be added in with the fresh clay, and it will make the new pots stronger.

stronger and stronger.

i can only hope this is true now.

lib

i have so much to say, but now i have waited to long to say it and i am SO TIRED and overwhelmed!

positive stuff:

a) i got a JOB! not only that, but it is the exact job i wanted, and possibly the perfect job for me right now. more later.

b) i feel amazing.

c) for the first time in so long i feel hopeful for the future of this country. barack obama is inspiring. he brought me to tears during his historical acceptance speech at the DNC. it is only starting to sink in what it could all mean, and it feels too good to be true, but it can be true. a better world can be a reality.

okay, now the harshness:

a) still broke.

b) I FUCKING HATE ALL REPUBLICANS. they are seriously the scum of the earth. i am not the person to come to when you want an objective or eloquent opinion on this. my more temperate friends often say "amanda, you can't say that about them because that's what they think about us. it's not fair either way and it's not right to hate." the problem with that argument is that i hate them because they hate. the "us" they are hateful toward in their speech and policies is so much of who i am, a liberal democrat (at least by official registration), a woman, a person of color, a feminist, and a queer person. in the spirit of ineloquence (which is not even a word), i say fuck you john mccain for running a campaign of negativity, lies, and sensationalism. fuck you sarah palin for trying to tell me what to do with my body and who to love. i will support staying out of your daughter's business when you stay the fuck out of mine. fuck you young republican bitch from orange county who is the youngest delegate from california at the RNC. sorry for directing you readers to the faux news website, but seriously, watch the video, it's so sickening. at the end she says "i'm a huge capitalist." and, for good measure: fuck you joe lieberman, you sick fucking asshole. i was forced to hear part of his speech tonight because i had the news on and his words were enraging me, but his voice was putting me to sleep at the same time. wow, what an inspiring convention. fuck you all, seriously. if, by some chance, there is a hell like the one the more religiously inclined of you choose to believe in (choice?!?! what a concept), it is you who will burn there if there is any justice in this world. 

c) as long as i am on the subject of faux news, i accidently watched part of it this evening while trying to avoid seeing even a second of "last call with carson daly" and they showed this quote from lindsay lohan's blog today 

"I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else – and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences."

which on its own may seem to be in support of sarah palin. too bad they forgot the next part

"I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden."

LiLo, or LezLo as i like to think of her affectionately, then went on to quote barack obama and say a bunch of pro-sex education stuff. look, i care about as much as you about what she says in her blog, but i found it so outrageous how much fox chose to edit down her quote to misrepresent it. we are living in a crazy, scary world people.

anyway, all this stuff makes me want to cry. conservatives are so fucking stupid, i can't even handle it. 

for the record, here are some answers to a couple of oft-asked questions:

q: what if your mom had decided to have an abortion?

a: well, i never would have known, and i wouldn't have to be talking to your stupid ass right now, so it's looking like win/win.

q: how can you be gay when it's against god and god says it's wrong in the bible?

a: how can you love the bible when you have never read it? i say this because you clearly don't understand the teachings of jesus. jesus loved and accepted everyone, even sinners, and he also showed us that some things we may have regarded as a sin were not actually sinful. i'm gonna go with loving another consenting adult and expressing that love romantically = NOT SINFUL.

omg, i can't even stand this. i also love how these are the same people who don't regard healthcare, education, food, and a safe place to live as a fundamental right. i went to catholic school for eight long years and every single religion book i EVER read said it is part of god's teachings that these are basic human rights. 

arggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!