i am boring. it’s true. i know it’s hard to believe for most of you, especially those that know me in person and get to drink from the bubbling spring of my effervescent personality on a regular basis, but it’s true. i am just a regular girl who likes fucking girls who look like boys or identify as boys but have titties. B.O.R.I.N.G!
my coming out story? well, i was 17-18 and i fell in love with one of my best friends at the time (zZzZ snore) who was really kind of boyish and treated me somewhat indifferently (ladies, how much do we LOVE that?).
then i went to a somewhat prestigious writing summer school for teens where i learned that despite my talent, i was utterly ordinary and, upon returning home, tried to kill myself with sissy pills and ended up getting taken to the hospital by my real best friend, who is straight but had a shaved head and all the nurses assumed was my lesbo gf. she stayed by my side and painted my toenails in the hospital bed. they gave me this thick, black charcoal to drink and looked at me very sympathetically, but i heard them talking about how weak the prescription pills i took were, even if i did swallow 83 of them. better luck next time? fyi, the charcoal stuff leaks right out of your butt in the shower. it’s humiliating, in case you were thinking of trying it.
it was at that time that my mom told my whole family i was gay, and no one really gave a shit. that’s how i came out. there was no fanfare what-so-ever. there was no cursing or tears, no denial. i am lucky, i suppose.
years later, as i walk down the street and everyone assumes i am straight, i feel bitter. i am sad that i will never get the “gay nod” from other homos. yet, i also feel cheated that despite my “feminine” appearance, i will never enjoy the luxury of being ogled and revered by butches and tranny boys as forbidden fruit. no, alas, i am just your average, normal, everyday queer girl who never fucked a bio guy in her life.
super-boring.