you guys probably think i’m a lazy sack of crap, but in actuality i have simply been very busy. today. doing important stuff. anyway, i would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new segment here on A: FP i’m going to call “awesome stuff i have” because i have been sitting her for three hours trying to think of a different name for it that was a) clever, or b) at least some kind of pun involving the word “gay.”
anyhoo, i am pleased to announce that after nearly two years of sheer laziness, i have decided to change purses. this non-purse-changing thing is so not like me, as i have about a hundred handbags from the beautiful to ridiculous, but i was seduced by the convenience and (in my opinion, timeless) style of the le sportsac deluxe everyday bag. by god, it holds EVERYTHING! and i have it in the best pattern ever, which is tiny pastel rainbow hearts on black. goes with everything. i have an unnatural attachment to le sportsac because my aunt lent me her classic taupe deluxe everyday bag both times i went to europe. it served me well in many ways. firstly, it is large with many compartments, but perhaps most importantly, it has a long, wide, adjustable strap. this really eased the paranoia, oh, even terror that my aunt and mother instilled in me over the thought of getting my purse stolen.
sample rant:
“oh, and mija*, you have to keep your purse with you at all times. don’t let it out of your sight. even when you sleep, wind the strap around your ankle!”
the strap was perfect for that and other winding endeavors. nothing says “carefree american girl enjoying her first parisian cafe” quite like said girl sporting a leg wrapped ace-bandage-style in sensible taupe. whatever, it wasn’t bad advice. i have never (knock on wood) to this day had my purse stolen, and again, this is partly why i was so married to the le sportsac over the last couple of years. it can be worn across the chest while dancing at the club. glamourous? no. clumsy? yes. but i’m a good dancer, so it’s okay. (for more on dancing with handbags, see this post.)
the decision to change purses this week was more of a maintenance thing, because the rainbow hearts were looking kind of grey (ew) and needed a wash, but once i laid my eyes on the replacement bag… man, i dunno when i will want to change back. i had totally forgotten about this little gem.
they say one person’s trash is another’s treasure, and i basically live my life by this, except that i am really bad at throwing things away unless they are really just awful, so whomever’s treasure my trash is is t-a-c-k-y! (LOL @ me calling anyone tacky). anyway, my ex’s older sister gave him this for christmas a few years ago. this is much more shocking if you know that my ex was a big, huge dyke at the time, and has since come out as a boy. i mean, his sister KNEW this. i think she thought since maybe this is kinda goth-y (teehee), my ex might like it, since he likes dark things (tee-effing-hee!). needless to say, he was horrified and the purse was doomed to the depths of his closet until i came along and snatched it to safety. let’s review the specs, shall we?
- spacious interior large enough to fit all the girly essentials as well as a book or two and a medium-sized bottle of booze.
- roomy pleather straps
- black and white 80s-looking girl surrounded by weird dots and graphic rosettes
- who is clutching at her neck with long, grey talon-nails
- and has an inexplicably in-color tattoo of a rose and the word “DIVA.”
- did i mention on one side the tat and her earring are beaded? with little seed beads? luxe!
this bag is basically ruling my life right now, but i am a little concerned that when i carry it around now, as opposed to my younger years in which i dressed with a little more “edge,” people might take it seriously. i don’t believe that fashion should be a constant barrage of irony like some people (hipsters), but i do like the funny joke bag, sweater, or shoes here and there and it worries me that i might have aged-out of this being cute. i know it is nothing to fret over and i shouldn’t care what other people think, but fretting and caring what other people think are part of my charm.
which leads me to an awesome thing i don’t have: a pill pak is a holder for your birth control pills that has an alarm that reminds you to take it. i need one of these desperately, as i am about to get back on the pill (for medical reasons) and the last time i tried this i missed so many pills so often i made myself kind of sick. it’s not a huge deal since i am not taking them to prevent pregnancy (as i do not have sex with bio-penis), but it’s still bad for your health. i just have the 
worst memory, so a self-contained alarm would be fab! unfortunately, the color options for the rectangular case (i am going to use yasmin again. i heart yasmin!) are all god-awful and i am bummed. my only choice is to buy the most hideous one and just go with it. what do you think? unfortunately, zebra print seems to be sold out and i don’t feel safe enough in this political climate to find any humor in the american flag print . i’m thinking xoxo kisses. yeah… that’s funny, right?
*mija = (from the urban dictionary) “Derives from the spanish language and often used as slang. Mija is shorted from ‘mi hija’. Which means my daughter. It is the same for males. ‘mi hijo’, mijo.” but it is not always literal for daughters and is also used loosely between family members, friends, etc.
thank you, dude