Archive for March 4, 2008

soccer sunday

March 31, 2008 Amanda-Faye peeps, rare moments of optimism, this just in

i need to apologize upfront because i am simply not in the mood to write today and kind of need to go to bed, but alas, here i am, spewing forth my mediocrity into cyberspace.

Img_0613_8i was displeased with myself because i was so exhausted that i slept in on sunday and ran super-late to the lesbian soccer picnic, but there were still plenty of people there when we got there and the game was well underway. i only took a few pictures and then gave ajai my camera to take some. the best part of the day was actually when vanessa and kp gotImg_0615 Img_0626there with tons of delicious food for everyone, including folding table and playboy paper tablecloth (lesbians love boobs, rabbits, and bowties, so that logo really works for us), but by that time i had retired the camera in favor of a PBR so i don’t have any pictures of that or the dog who ate joe’s salsa. damnit.

some of us were slightly irate that instead of going to the much more local elysian park we trekked into the hollywood hills to this new place, but as scarlet pointed out, the ground was much flatter and better for soccer. unfortunately, upon arrival everyone noticed the signs that say NO SOCCER posted out front, which Img_0625Img_0639are clearly an attempt to keep latinos and lesbians at bay, but to no avail! soccer is apparently the game of my people, but i don’t play it. what i do play is drinking beers in public and peeing on hillsides above multi-million dollar homes, so i wholeheartedly supported the general consensus to play soccer anyway, as i am no stranger to bending the rules.

on the whole, it was a great day. i woke up, had sex, ate the crust from a slice of pizza joe was eating, had many laughs with my friends, then later hung out with my bff jenny and saw her new apartment. life is pretty good right now, if i may say.

*waits for wrench*

p.s. notice the lack of pictures of the actual game? this is journalistic gold, people. gold!

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it was a saturday!

March 29, 2008 Amanda-Faye culture, dance!, this just in

um, the title of this is from a song by my friend rachael cantu. she’s good, check her out!

anyway, it is a saturday and you may be wondering to what you owe this posting. well, first of all, every time i write a controversial post, i develop this terrible fear of dying or becoming incapacitated before i can write another, so here i am! i don’t know how i didn’t write about this already, i guess i was just SO EXCITED that i absolutely forgot, but the most hi lar ious thing happened on wednesday!

my friends and i decided it would be okay to abandon our usual wednesday queer haunt, shotgun at the eagle, for one week to check out this new girl’s night on fountain and normandie called “booby trap.” i don’t know what to say about it really. i mean, it was nice to be doing something different for a change, pretty much everyone i like was there except for a few select 9-5ers and orange county dwellers (you know who you are!), and the dj did play “red blooded woman” by kylie minogue. the prblem was it seems like the promoters are basically trying to bring a touch of the west side to the east side and that is annoying. i don’t see why someone can’t just do something different. must every lesbian bar (except shotgun) be a dark “lounge” with candles, expensive drinks, and terrible music? to be fair, there was a decent crowd there and a lot of people were dancing, but i don’t know, the crowd was weird and kind of gross. there were girls in awful hats and a lot of cheesily dressed, overly made-up femmes. not my scene. still, i will probably go back at some point. sad, right?

i was there with my friend and her girlfriend, who, as i think i mentioned once before, is a paparazzo. well, she got a tip from a friend of hers that none other than lindsay lohan was nearby at a local dive bar (like how i’m protecting her privacy? hahahahaha) with her main lez samantha ronson and no other paparazzi were there. obviously we had to race over there and see for ourselves! well, it was true. there she was, right when we walked in. just sitting there, laughing and talking with some average joe and jane looking friends. she actually looked much better in person than she looks in pics. she looked way more her age and relaxed, though it was a bit dark in there. anyway, right when we got there she slowly got up, grabbed her purse, and she and sam were off into the night! i think she recognized my friend. it was a bummer for her not to get a pic, but it was a kind of cool celeb sighting in our own neck of the woods.

after that we just went straight back to the booby trap where i smoked a bunch of cigarettes and lamented internally over the state of lesbian affairs in l.a.

it is, however, that time of year when it gets really fun to go out because a lot of people are out, everyone is in a great mood, and the weather is awesome. last year i believe i referred to this as the kickoff of “lesbian make-out season.” of course, this year i will not be drunkenly making out with any strangers or friends because i have my wonderful joe, but i am excited to be out and mingling with everyone, watching them make-out, and gossiping about it later. just kidding. sort of.

Wi_ronson_070531_mssunday my friend scarlet has planned a park day for everyone featuring soccer and a picnic, which should be super-fun. the weather has been nice and i’ve been wanting to get outside drinking beer in the park for the last four weekends, so i’m excited for this. i’ll try and take some pictures and post them here. it’s too bad sam and linds won’t be there to make my lesbian circle complete. DAMN.

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mega-menstrual over-share

March 28, 2008 Amanda-Faye el sexo, pain

the good news is, i have my period right now, so 1) i won’t have it next weekend at dinah shore, and 2) i’m not pms-ing anymore and will hopefully stop bursting into tears at any feelings of even mild discomfort.

the bad news is i don’t get to try out my new toys (lube, cock ring, condoms) until at least sunday or monday, when the coast is completely clear.

you might ask, “amanda, why not just do it while you’re on your period? are you not a modern, liberated woman in a steady relationship with a considerate partner?” well, the answer to your question, nosey, is yes, but for some reason period sex has always freaked me out a little. i know some women and their partners don’t mind it at all, some even enjoy it, claiming that the extra hormones and lubrication can lead to some kind of magic, but i am unconvinced. as sexually adventurous as i am, my terrible secret is that i kind of hate body fluids, even my own. being in love for the first time, with joe, has made me understand why people in love/high lust situations don’t mind having someone sweat and jizz all over them, and how it can even be fun, but i’m not into the idea of wet-napping my blood off of myself and my boyfriend.

okay… and there’s something else. since i have been such a bad blogger lately, i am going to let you guys in on a very personal sexual secret of mine. although, on second thought, i may actually be punishing some of you more than rewarding with juicy (unintentional pun) banter, so don’t read on if you hate hearing about ladystuffs.

once, a long time ago, when i was with my ex girlfriend, she insisted upon going down on me while i was on my period. i protested to the best of my abilities, but she wouldn’t let up, so finally i agreed. i was freshly showered and hadn’t been bleeding too heavily, so that kind of made me think everything would be okay. well, so, she was down there, right, and things were actually getting pretty good for me. it felt really intense and i was pretty sure the orgasm was going to be awesome. suddenly she stopped. i looked down at her, her mouth faintly smeared with red, and she was glancing up at me with a look of dismay that i had never seen on anyone before. her voice wavered, “i…i don’t think i can do this.”

it was so humiliating! i felt so disgusting and gross, even though it wasn’t my fault and it was her stupid idea. it only added to my shame that i had been enjoying it so much, and to this day i wonder if the pleasure equation in any way involved the menstrual factor. the answer to that question is something i will never know, however, because i vowed at that very moment that no lover of mine would ever look at me with that kind of unconcealable terror in their eyes again, at least not during the act.

so, there you have it, my traumatizing period sex story. it’s not like i haven’t fooled around or even had what i would consider sex while bleeding since, but i always make sure to keep it nice and clean, with nothing too crazy.

with that, i wish you a fine weekend. i am planning on taking it easy because i am going to have a busy week writing, hopefully working, and preparing for dinah aka not eating anything, running every day, and laying in the sun establishing a base tan… aka probably passing out and dying before i even get to palm springs!

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spring/sprung

March 26, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, el sexo, rare moments of optimism, reviews

so, although i have been mysteriously MIA (aka sick to my stomach, then lazy, then without internet), my blog stats continue to climb thanks to my posts on home bikini waxing, labia, and my ever-growing australian fan base. hey, aussies, when the hell are you guys going to pool together enough money for me to bring my act on the road over there? i am pretty much dying to go to australia, thanks to the dvd’s caron made me watch of kath and kim and summer heights high, so please get on buying me that plane ticket. preferably for next summer. then i won’t have to know what winter is like for a whole year!

jk. sorta.

i know you are all wondering to what you owe this glorious and rare early-evening appearance. well, i’m feeling a tad woozy as i just ate and took my metformin, but i am pretty excited about a couple of things.

a) spring/summer! i love when it gets warm. i don’t really know why since i hate sweating and have been too self-conscious to wear a tank top since i was seven years old. i guess i just like how everyone seems to be in a better mood (at first, at least), and you can drink cold beers (secretly) in the park, and the birds keep me company at night with their chirping.

b) as some of you know, one of my favorite writers on earth is dorothy allison. she is the kind of writer that i aspire to be, the kind of writer who makes you feel like you just sat down and she started telling you this amazing story and now you don’t care that it’s dinnertime or bedtime and you never want it to end. her book bastard out of carolina is in my top three favorite books of all time. when i told joe that he said something to the effect of that being a typical girl/lesbian favorite book and i was indignant. the good news is, i lent him my copy of trash, allison’s book of short stories, and he’s really getting into it. this makes me happy. last night i was reading aloud from it and it made me remember why i wanted to be a writer in the first place. now to keep the trials of daily life (excess facial hair, traffic, debilitating emotional scars) from blurring that dream into obscurity again.

c) dinah shore weekend is the weekend after next, and although in some ways it’s going to be a working weekend for me, i am so excited and it’s going to be so so so fun! if not fun, then at least “funny” and that’s fine by me.

d) later this evening i am going to one of my favorite places in los angeles, babeland!

my shopping list includes a new lube they have called babeland naturals: naked organic lube. joe likes to stock up on his favorite lube, liquid silk, which i also like a lot, as it works well, has no smell, and is very… um, how shall i say… “lifelike”? it’s not sticky or tacky at all like some lubes i’ve used in the past where you fall asleep feeling like a filthy whore (actually, i like falling asleep feeling like a filthy whore, but not because my crotch is sticky and smells like an appletini). the only problems i have with liquid silk are that, although it is mostly water-based, it does have a tiny bit of silicone (which i imagine is why it works so well), and silicone lube is not recommended for silicone toys because it can break them down. this is what happened with our very expensive vixen goodfella cock. it works fine, but it had a bad reaction and in some areas the skin looks a bit chafed, which is why we started using condoms and i discovered i like condoms better anyhow. so, in the end it all worked out, but still i would like to try a more natural, water-based lube, just for funsies. the other thing about the liquid silk is that it tastes really bitter. like i said, i’m not necessarily into candy lubes, but the description of the new babeland lubes sounds like it tastes a little sweet and nice.

Cockringthe next item in my cart will be a vibrating cock ring. i have never tried one of these before, but we have improvised (i won’t bore/horrify you with the details), and this seems like an exciting and logical next step to bedroom bliss. i don’t know what all the options are, but i have my eye on the sonic ring kit. i’ll let you know what i end up getting and how it works out.

Banditfinally, i don’t know if this is going to happen because we are super-strapped for cash, but if we don’t get the vixen bandit soon, i’m going to FREAK OUT. i don’t know if you know this (first-time reader?), but i am kind of a brat and when i get my mind on having something, i kind of become obsessed and pouty. lately, i have been looking at the poor goodfella with such scorn that it really doesn’t deserve, what with the endless days and nights of pleasure joe has brought me with it, but i am ready for something new. joe says it’s good i’m not into bio-guys because if i got bored with cocks this easily in that instance, it would be a real problem. what i like about the goodfella: the vixskin feels amazing, the balls are fun/hot, its size, shape, and where it rests on the pelvis make it really great for hard packing, and it’s just generally a really nice dick. hence, it will never be fully retired despite the fact that: the ridge of the head is kind of hurty for me sometimes, i am ready for a bit more girth but with a smoother head, and the longer length of the bandit should be more conducive to… uh… creativity. i’m a little wary of the length thing, as i am not one of those ladies that likes having my cervix jostled about, but i think all in all it will be better in certain positions and such. plus it’s a beauty! fyi, it is also made of the amazing, easy to sanitize, super-realistic vixskin silicone.

well, i guess i’ll be off. gotta go get some more writing done and ogle sex toys i can’t afford. i will be posting regularly in the very near future, i promise.

4 comments

please do stop the music

March 18, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, musica, this just in

sorry my posts have been so blah lately. i’ve been working a lot, sleeping a lot (finally!), and i had some of my favorite friends from portland in town thurs-mon so i have been a busy bee. i finished reading my boss’ new novel and it’s great. i was the second-to last (before her) person to see it before it goes into final editing and production, so i felt pretty special. copy-editing is kind of my secret nerdy passion, but i also kind of have trouble concentrating, so i don’t think it will ever be a reality. still, i did discover about seven or eight mistakes and it was a GREAT read. i’ll post more about it when it comes out.

Rihannaumbr1well, i really only have three things to say. the first is: curse you rihanna, for fooling me so completely! i knew i hated her from “pon de replay” because she has a weird alien voice (not in a good way) and can’t dance for shit, but last year when “umbrella” came out, i couldn’t help but love it. i think it was the almost poetic repetition of “ella ella ella” but i guess i will never know. well, her newest abomination “please don’t stop the music” has reminded me once and for all that she blows hard and i should never be duped again! yes, she’s cute as a button, and yes, she is making nasty with the equally cute chris brown, but he has an alien voice in a good way and he is an amazing dancer. it’s really her voice that just gets under my skin for some reason. and i hate how she say “actin’ naughty” in all of her songs. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!? grr.

the second is i am taking these crazy colon cleanse pills called oxy-cleanse and i will tell you how they work whether you like it or not. i was impressed by the label’s claims that it uses oxygen as opposed to fiber or artificial laxatives to get things moving, but the main ingredient is basically a mega-dose of vitamin c and as anyone who has ever tried to cure a cold in one day by drinking seven emergen-c packets will tell you: vita c gives you the trots! anyway, my tummy is going to be in a general state of rage for a while because i also saw the doctor last week and she wrote me a scrip for metformin, which is a drug used to treat diabetes, but also polycystic ovarian syndrome with insulin resistance, which i was diagnosed with two years ago. i was taking this drug then, but have been off it and the birth control pill yasmin for about a year, both of which helped me to lose at least 30 lb. this med is serious stuff, though, so i was kinda horrified that she wrote the prescription without so much as raising an eyebrow. i guess that’s a clinic for you, but i’m a little nervous because the side affects are gnar. on the plus side, she also wrote me a scrip for retin-a micro, so once i see the gyno and get back on the pill i’m gonna have flawless skin as well as (hopefully) lose a bit of weight. i’ve been exercising and trying to eat decently, so we shall see.

speaking of the pill, this video is HILARIOUS and is exactly why i am terrified of those once a year period pills. good god, having ones cycle is not THAT BAD! never having it is what seems unnatural. it’s just that mine are, like, nine days, super-irregular, and cause suicidal pms, which was helped a lot by starting to take yasmin. it actually helped my moods, unlike this:

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too legit

March 14, 2008 Amanda-Faye childhood trauma

yeah, i’m making up another new category.  i’m pretty mixed up
(read: suicidal) right now on account of the fact that i am incapable
of loving or being loved, and it’s pretty much impossible to write
without any direction.

moving right along, today when i was driving my ipod was on shuffle
and the mc hammer song "2 legit 2 quit" came on. my first thought was
obviously "HELL YEAH," but then slowly i felt a deep, hollow sadness
creep over me. i was confused. i mean, it easily could have been
because of the bravado of the lyrics combined with the knowledge that hammer
died cold, poor, and alone (i think he’s alive and i just made that up
for dramatic effect, actually), but i didn’t think that was it. suddenly, through my salty tears, i remembered why that song always fills me with a sense of profound loss.

when i was a kid i constantly had my face in a book. i know that’s hard to believe what with how stupid and useless i am now, but i was quite the avid reader in my youth. i walked around reading a book in the supermarket, at disneyland, and in the car. one night, when i was 10 or so, i was reading one of those mystery/thriller books for teens (do you like how i’m pretending i don’t remember which one?) and it got to a really sad part in which the protagonist realizes that she was wrong about  who killed her brother. throughout the whole book she had blamed her best friend for the suicide of her brother, but really the suicide was staged and the killer was in love with her, but about to kill her because she would never be with him. it was a very intense moment, scary and really depressing at the same time. there was just something lonely about the the characters, even though they were both kind of assholes. anyway, i was riding in my mom’s car reading this on the way to my aunt’s house when "2 legit" came on the radio, and apparently to this day that song takes me back to that place. to a place where my own young, lonely heart was learning to ache on a dark night, captive of the page, of emotions i could not control, of the music.

which just happened to be a song by a man who is best known for his iconic pants, "hammer pants." seriously, i am trying to google an image and i can’t even find the real name for these pants.

86954_1

One comment

ironic handbag/birth control

March 11, 2008 Amanda-Faye awesome stuff i have

you guys probably think i’m a lazy sack of crap, but in actuality i have simply been very busy. today. doing important stuff. anyway, i would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new segment here on A: FP i’m going to call “awesome stuff i have” because i have been sitting her for three hours trying to think of a different name for it that was a) clever, or b) at least some kind of pun involving the word “gay.”

anyhoo, i am pleased to announce that after nearly two years of sheer laziness, i have decided to change purses. this non-purse-changing thing is so not like me, as i have about a hundred handbags from the beautiful to ridiculous, but i was seduced by the convenience and (in my opinion, timeless) style of the le sportsac deluxe everyday bag. by god, it holds EVERYTHING! and i have it in the best pattern ever, which is tiny pastel rainbow hearts on black. goes with everything. i have an unnatural attachment to le sportsac because my aunt lent me her classic taupe deluxe everyday bag both times i went to europe. it served me well in many ways. firstly, it is large with many compartments, but perhaps most importantly, it has a long, wide, adjustable strap. this really eased the paranoia, oh, even terror that my aunt and mother instilled in me over the thought of getting my purse stolen.

sample rant:

“oh, and mija*, you have to keep your purse with you at all times. don’t let it out of your sight. even when you sleep, wind the strap around your ankle!”

the strap was perfect for that and other winding endeavors. nothing says “carefree american girl enjoying her first parisian cafe” quite like said girl sporting a leg wrapped ace-bandage-style in sensible taupe. whatever, it wasn’t bad advice. i have never (knock on wood) to this day had my purse stolen, and again, this is partly why i was so married to the le sportsac over the last couple of years. it can be worn across the chest while dancing at the club. glamourous? no. clumsy? yes. but i’m a good dancer, so it’s okay. (for more on dancing with handbags, see this post.)

the decision to change purses this week was more of a maintenance thing, because the rainbow hearts were looking kind of grey (ew) and needed a wash, but once i laid my eyes on the replacement bag… man, i dunno when i will want to change back. i had totally forgotten about this little gem.

Img_0529_9

they say one person’s trash is another’s treasure, and i basically live my life by this, except that i am really bad at throwing things away unless they are really just awful, so whomever’s treasure my trash is is t-a-c-k-y! (LOL @ me calling anyone tacky). anyway, my ex’s older sister gave him this for christmas a few years ago. this is much more shocking if you know that my ex was a big, huge dyke at the time, and has since come out as a boy. i mean, his sister KNEW this. i think she thought since maybe this is kinda goth-y (teehee), my ex might like it, since he likes dark things (tee-effing-hee!). needless to say, he was horrified and the purse was doomed to the depths of his closet until i came along and snatched it to safety. let’s review the specs, shall we?

  • spacious interior large enough to fit all the girly essentials as well as a book or two and a medium-sized bottle of booze.
  • roomy pleather straps
  • black and white 80s-looking girl surrounded by weird dots and graphic rosettes
  • who is clutching at her neck with long, grey talon-nails
  • and has an inexplicably in-color tattoo of a rose and the word “DIVA.”
  • did i mention on one side the tat and her earring are beaded? with little seed beads? luxe!

this bag is basically ruling my life right now, but i am a little concerned that when i carry it around now, as opposed to my younger years in which i dressed with a little more “edge,” people might take it seriously. i don’t believe that fashion should be a constant barrage of irony like some people (hipsters), but i do like the funny joke bag, sweater, or shoes here and there and it worries me that i might have aged-out of this being cute. i know it is nothing to fret over and i shouldn’t care what other people think, but fretting and caring what other people think are part of my charm.

which leads me to an awesome thing i don’t have: a pill pak is a holder for your birth control pills that has an alarm that reminds you to take it. i need one of these desperately, as i am about to get back on the pill (for medical reasons) and the last time i tried this i missed so many pills so often i made myself kind of sick. it’s not a huge deal since i am not taking them to prevent pregnancy (as i do not have sex with bio-penis), but it’s still bad for your health. i just have the Pillpakworst memory, so a self-contained alarm would be fab! unfortunately, the color options for the rectangular case (i am going to use yasmin again. i heart yasmin!) are all god-awful and i am bummed. my only choice is to buy the most hideous one and just go with it. what do you think? unfortunately, zebra print seems to be sold out and i don’t feel safe enough in this political climate to find any humor in the american flag print . i’m thinking xoxo kisses. yeah… that’s funny, right?

*mija = (from the urban dictionary) “Derives from the spanish language and often used as slang. Mija is shorted from ‘mi hija’. Which means my daughter. It is the same for males. ‘mi hijo’, mijo.” but it is not always literal for daughters and is also used loosely between family members, friends, etc.

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the sweet smell of moderate success at things no one cares about but me

March 7, 2008 Amanda-Faye beauty, clothings, consume, reviews

first things first, i am pretty sure you guys all understand this, but i want to remind you just in case you forgot: i write these generally between 2-6 a.m. because i am a crazed night owl, so when i say “today” it means yesterday to you, and “yesterday” means the day before, etc etc.

so, regarding “today,” i had one of those not leaving the house all day life sucks bummer bummer days again, but that’s mostly because i cannot seem to shake these cold-like symptoms and also i went to long beach last night to hang out with the lbc crew and i drank a little too much because… well… i was in long beach.

i’m having serious self-esteem issues right now on account of the feeling that i’m wearing a fat suit on the day to day, so it was probably not the best idea to then, as my only outing of the day today, go try on a bunch of hideous clothes, but my mom came home and insisted that i go to kohl’s with her, so i did. YES I SAID KOHL’S. my mom loves the new kohl’s they put in in our neighborhood something awful. man, does she love it! it was actually a kind of nice outing in which we bonded over choosing colorful new bathroom rugs and a shower curtain, but then she asked me to look for something to wear to the women’s luncheon we are going to this weekend. trying on clothes at kohl’s of all places is not what you wanna do when you are depressed and fat. it’s a wonder i didn’t kill myself then and there with the pointy end of a clothes hanger, but somehow i made it out with a very simple but cute black blouse for saturday. when i get fat i instantly go goth, it’s actually very sexy. hahahaha.

Missdiorspeaking of sexy, my friend baby d always smells really good and she refuses to tell anyone what it is she wears. i tried to explain that it’s not really my jam anyway and i just wanted to know out of curiosity, but her lips are sealed. i think this plan is actually quite genius, very sexy and mysterious-like. i would steal it, in fact, but i already told the world that my signature scent is christian dior miss dior cherie. this truth was threatened recently, however, when my mom found this extra bottle of it she bought last christmas when she bought one for me. one morning i woke up with a start, sniffing like a hound because i smelled it in the air as she was leaving for work. the following evening i politely (shrilly) explained to her that as my mother she is not allowed to jack my signature scent! first of all, the strawberry, raspberry sorbet, and caramel corn notes in the scent are far too unsophisticated for a woman of her age and stature, and secondly i have a very very strong sense of scent-memory, and i cannot feel like i smell like my mother when she’s headed to work in the morning as i do the things i do on a daily basis, which generally involve booze and sex. just kidding! mostly. i don’t drink every day. usually.

Yellowmati do, however, usually wear miss dior cherie every day because it is heavy and womanly enough for night, but also young and fruity enough for warm weather, day, and a girl my age. good stuff. some days i switch it up though, because even though i decided when i turned 25 i needed a signature scent, i am still a perfume whore. for xmas i got a bottle of yellow mat by masaki matsushima, which i have been dying to have for AGES. it basically looks and smells like sunshine in a bottle, with notes of citrus, watermelon, and then watery woods. the only problem i have with it is that it doesn’t seem to me that it lasts at all, but when i wear it i always get compliments, so i guess maybe it just wears off for the wearer. oh, also, it is this close to smelling like d&g light blue and moschino i love love, both of which i love in the bottle and on others, but smell like ass on me. yellow mat smells good on me, but it has similar dry down notes so i always get nervous for a second.

then there is the matter of the new scent joe got me for vday, escada moon sparkle. i feel like that one is good for layering because it adds that fruitiness that i like. people always wrinkle their nose at fruity of foody perfumes, but i found i get so many compliments when i wear them! weird. joe does really hate my comptoir sud pacifique vanille abricot though. he makes a hideous face every time i get in the car wearing it, opens the window, and says “babe, you smell like ice cream!” EWWW ICE CREAM?!?!?! whatever, joe, what do you know? i had to explain to himVersace_new_fragrance38397 that that fragrance is very popular, somewhat expensive, and from france! he did not care. the good news is i think i have discovered my new backup signature scent, should my mom, my grandma, or, say, joe himself ever decide that they too must smell like fruity lady popcorn. the new one from versace is super feminine and very floral, as you can imagine by the maker and the bottle, but it is also has a freshness to it and a slight sparkle that makes me want to check it out. i know it’s the last thing i need, but what do i need really? besides money, stability, and the sweet relief that my injured mind craves day-in and day-out?

oh crap.

Telescopiccleandefinitionwhatever, i also need a decent fucking mascara. i still have not found my holy grail of mascaras, but i have been buying and enjoying telescopic by l’oreal since i made this post, which is a big deal for me because normally i have no mascara attention span what-so-ever. recently i decided to stray, though not too far, to try l’oreal telescopic clean definition mascara. HUGE mistake. let me give you a tip that i have finally learned for myself: in the mascara world, “clean” means “invisible,” at least on me. i have decent eyelashes, but my eyes are really tiny, so i like lots of drama to make them stand out. i’m not talking drag queen-style (well, sometimes i do break out the falsies), but i want big, full lashes. no go with this, folks. it has the same shape of brush as original telescopic, meaning it’s one of those comb-style brushes that should apply a lot of product for volume, but still define the lashes well once you learn not to be too heavy-handed. what they have done with this version is made the brush out of that squishy rubber all the companies are using now to tout their wands as “clump-free.” the problem with “clump-free” is it usually also means there won’t be too much volume, so i would only recommend this if you already have lots of lash110507_covergirl_b or if you are looking for the natural look. even then, though, this stuff if a little too gooey and wet upon application and smears and flakes a bit. no go. oh ps i also tried that new cover girl mascara “lash blast” that drew barrymore is whoring and there is NO BLAST. same problem with the rubber bush, no volume. nothing. invisible. i guess there are bigger problems in the world, but it would be nice to settle this mascara thing once and for all. i think i will try one of the newer MAC formulas next, since i can buy them for cheap with my pro card.

well, this weekend is going to be another mellow one in preparation for good times ahead. the next three weekends are going to be kinda crazy so i better rest my pipes. my throat feels like it’s bleeding. no bueno.

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claws for concern

March 5, 2008 Amanda-Faye this just in

so let me be clear that at this time i continue to believe that barack obama is the democratic party’s best bet to beat mccain. the decision to support him has been difficult for me for many reasons, but the bottom line is i think he can win. i keep reading about all these “rabid” and “cult-like” obama supporters, but i haven’t seen any and i live, work, and play in young liberal ground zero. maybe that is because for whatever reason the majority of the people i am surrounded by on a daily basis are white, middle-class lesbians whose only argument for hilary so far has been that she is a woman. this makes me very uneasy. almost as uneasy as the fact that i can’t say exactly that my reasons for supporting obama are any less asinine. as far as i can tell, on the record, hillary clinton has come out as a stronger candidate for we gays, but i do not trust her rhetoric. how sad is it when it has come to having more trust in someone who is reluctant to give us full rights than someone who supposedly leans more toward supporting that idea? i’m not looking forward to watching the two candidates attack each other for two reasons, the first being that if obama does end up with the nomination, it will be unfortunate to see him wounded this far before he gets to mccain. the other reason is that while i (again) have little trust in clinton and honestly believe that she represents the establishment just as much as any man in her camp, there is something inside of me that hates to see her being torn down. perhaps it is the part of me that knows she has wanted to be the first woman president since she was a little girl. perhaps it is the part of me that has waited to see that day since i myself was a little girl. either way, i know that’s not the way to vote. i just really hope it doesn’t get too too ugly. can we keep the claws out of it?

wishful thinking?

anyway, all this campaigning by celebs is driving me nuts! nuts with joy, i mean. the LOLz just keep coming. hillary’s appearance on SNL was downright horrendously painful! will.i.am’s most recent obama video is pretty cheesetastic as well. like i said, i like obama, but i hope he is not relying on this type of fuckery to win anything. yikes! first of all, will.i.am seems like a real douche, and according to a friend i have that works at a local music store he went into once, he really is. one of those “do you know who i am?” types. and lord knows i can’t stand jessica alba. she gives me the fucking creeps.

anyways, here’s the video. i’m sleeepy!


as a side note, i think it’s funny/scary that some people are all freaked out because barack obama’s middle name is hussein. i don’t think that’s cause for concern at all. in fact, many of us have middle names that don’t represent us at all. for example (and i can’t believe i am about to admit this in public), my middle name is Joy! how hilarious is that???

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welcome foreigners, and not so much

March 4, 2008 Amanda-Faye consume, culture, this just in, travels

Knk_largeso my friend amy was in australia like, FOREVER and she finally came back right in time for my birthday. she brought with her gifts of comedy and inspiration, including season 3 of the hit comedy show from australia “kath and kim,” which i had been meaning to check out since i heard there was going to be an american remake of the series on nbc starring molly shannon and selma blair. the show is basically about the misadventures of a tacky mother and daughter team named kath and kim. after watching it i have two things to say: 1) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! oh my god, this is pure hilarity. it takes about fifteen minutes into the first episode to understand what the hell they are saying and adjust fully to the aussie humor and then you are in for a fabulous treat. i have to watch it on my laptop because it’s reagion 4 (annoying) but if you have the chance and you haven’t seen it you need to get your hands on this. 2) selma blair as the daughter kim??? no, this will never do. i like selma a lot actually, but it just seems all wrong. i can just picture how she is going to attempt to play tawdry and unseemly, and i just can’t see how it’s going to work. i mean, it would be great if it does though. everyone on the internet who knows the show, particularly the australians, are wailing about it. i tend to agree that american humor doesn’t always have that special zing, but after you have read “OH MY GOD NOOO THE AMERICANS ARE GOING TO RUIN IT LIKE THEY RUINED THE OFFICE!!!!!!” a million times it does start to hurt one’s feelings, patriotic or not. anyway, i like the american version of “the office.” it’s funny. still, i don’t know how i will feel about “kath and kim” without the aussie accents and kylie references.

Yakult_460kbin other foreign affairs news, i have finally got my hands on a pack of yakult, a probiotic drink sold in asia, europe, and mexico that has recently started advertising on us television. as soon as i saw the commercial i was intrigued, and then i read a bunch of reviews online and it sounded great. it is supposed to help balance your digestive system and support immune functioning. i decided to buy it when i saw it at the ralph’s in silverlake, even though i am trying to avoid unnecessary sugars and this is basically a shot of sugar, dairy, and good bacteria. i read that it tasted really good, but i found it only alright, so if i don’t notice an improvement in my health i don’t know if i’ll buy it more than a couple of times. i am obsessed with these tiny yogurt type drinks because i had one when i was in europe more than ten years ago and i still haven’t forgotten it. it was weird but tasted really yummy, but i can’t remember the damn name… oh well.

all this talk is just making me want to travel. i have never been to australia, anywhere in asia, or even mexico! unless you count that time my friends and i drove down to san felipe, but that’s baja, so i don’t know if it does. we did get pulled over by the terrifying federales (police) and get hideously stomach sick when we got home, but i refuse to believe that is the gist of the mexican experience! after all, i am half mexican! today, beirut’s “postcards from italy” came on my ipod in the car and i was imagining joe and i driving around on a cobblestone road in some hot, seaside town with the windows down. i would be in heaven! in actuality, we were driving the cats home from the vet, the new kitten having crapped in it’s carrier, with the windows down to air out the car. still, it was a kind of heaven. i love running errands with joe, and today was a beautiful l.a. day with perfect weather.

Ringwormoh yeah, joe’s sister got a new kitten and she is absolutely gorgeous! the only problem is the little kitty came with a little gift known as ringworm, which is not as bad as it sounds, but still unpleasant. it’s not a worm at all, but a skin fungus that causes an actual red ring to form on infected areas of the skin. luckily joe’s sister only had one mark, but i recognized it right away from the epidemic my ex roommate caused when she refused to admit her newly adopted persian cat (which was in actuality a mangy bag of bones and teeth) caused her, our other roommate, and every single person who came over except for me to get ringworm. this even though everyone said it HAD to be the cat because they are the most common carriers! eight months after the epidemic began, she finally took the cat to the vet to get the shampoo and it ended. to this day it is a real mystery how literally everyone who even set foot in our house got it except for me. at first we all had a theory that mexicans must be immune, but then slowly all of my other mexican friends got it too and i was still the only one to not. if it doesn’t appear on me this time, i will be convinced of my super-immunity, because i have been loving up that new little fuzzball like crazy! it makes me itchy just thinking about it, but we got the anti-fungal shampoo for both the cats and the human cure is as simple as athlete’s foot cream, so i’m not going to panic. it’s very common, but i can imagine it does feel strange to have something foreign living on your skin, even if it’s just a fungus and not a worm.

i guess that’s about all. i am obviously able to think of little else other than wednesday and the project runway finale! victoria beckham is one of the guest judges, so as you know i will be entranced for the hour. i’m actually really nervous that my man christian might not win, because rami’s collection could turn out really great and jillian has always been consistently good. i can’t stand her, though, she puts me to sleep. she reminds me of one of those overly-confident nerds with no friends i always hated in school. i myself was your good old-fashioned humble, self-deprecating nerd. and look at me now! oh, wait….

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