last night, or this morning, i guess, i was up until 7:30 a.m. so i slept until about 2 p.m. today. the good news is, i am kind of tired now, so maybe i won't be up so late tonight.
i feel like i have so much to write about, but i'm feeling really fucking lazy. i have been working quite a bit at home, feeling depressed, and to top it all off i am pretty sure i'm getting sick. i always get sick right before something fun is going to happen, and as you know joe and i are traveling to san francisco this coming weekend, so i am drinking emercen-c lite with MSM for joint support lemon-lime/ass flavor like there is no tomorrow. i wish i could be drinking the sweet nectar that is new acai flavor emergen-c, but alas i am slowly but steadily re-embarking upon the journey toward limiting unnecessary sugars. so far so good today, but i really need to incorporate exercise into this routine. of course, i do mean to start gradually, doing things like "removing my pajamas," the ever-popular "leaving the house," or even some "cherry pickers" to stretch out the old musculars.
this is all in preparation for some pretty hardcore dieting i am going to have to endure if i'm going to get myself into tip top shape for what is sure to be one of the highlights of my year, a lifelong lesbian goal realized: dinah shore weekend. i can't even go into this because it honestly deserves its own post, but this hilarious dream will be realized the first weekend of april, and i need to lose at least 15 pounds if i want any aging bull dykes in bikinis to look my way. i mean, OBVIOUSLY i am attached to the most beautiful, amazing joe in the world, but a little double-take and wink of one dorky-sunglasses-wearing-eye never hurt a lady. joe is secure, believe me. in fact, i'm pretty sure i will come back from that weekend praising jesus for him and he won't be able to peel me off his dick for a week, but my friends and i are going to have a blast (i think)!
i feel so fortunate to have a boyfriend who is secure enough in himself to not mind if i write about whatever i want. granted, i would most likely balk at being censored, but still it is refreshing to know he would not wish that upon me. in fact, joe is sometimes infuriatingly not jealous! he only paused a moment when i told him i was going to write about trader joe's lesbian crushes. my theory is that every queer girl has at least one trader joe's lesbian crush. for some reason (veggie sushi? goddess dressing? six varieties of hummus?), trader joe's is a mecca for lesbian employees as well as patrons. i have hot a friend who used to work at the TJ's in silverlake and i swear to god, if she didn't already have a hot hot girlfriend, she would have gotten so much trader poon! girls were always like "don't you work at trader joe's, heehee." then there was this other girl i heard of that had fallen hard for a trader joe's lesbian somewhere over on the west side and suffered a heart more wilted than the mexican broccoli right before produce turnover day. my trader joe's lesbian crush works at the pasadena store by my mom's house. she is cute and very butchy, with a sexy low voice, but she wears baggy light wash jeans (!) and hideously nerdy kicks, so it's kind of good she is behind that checkout stand. i keep trying to give her the "i'm gay too" eye, which joe says he and other queers he knows find annoying, but when you are a femme who has lived your entire gay life largely deprived of it, as i have, the thrill of it is indescribable. the first time she as my cashier i was there with joe and she seemed extra cool to us, but last time i went in alone and she didn't even know i was alive. that's okay, though, because i have the best joe in the world, and i wouldn't trade him for anything. awww *hand claps*
oh my god, where does the time go? this is not even what i set out to write about tonight. mostly i wanted to tell you all that i am boycotting perez hilton's website, not because it lacks any semblance of true wit (which i now realize is reason enough!), but because he has finally gone too far by taking part in what i can only call a smear campaign against presidential candidate barack obama. twice this week he posted pictures of obama fundraising volunteers in houston, tx who had a che guevara flag up two different spots in their offices. the suggestion was that obama is somehow a communist. i think it is fairly obvious that the opinions reflected on that wall are those of the young staffers answering the phones and not of senator obama himself, and i believe that is is inflammatory and irresponsible for perez to publish those photos without explaining that fact to his readers. i can understand why the pics would irritate him (despite my own stance on the matter), but i don't appreciate the way he reported it. then, yesterday, he posted a youtube video with the clinton allegations that obama plagiarized a speech without explaining the full story AT ALL (get it here). like it or not, perez is fairly popular and influential and i think that at this point in his career, he has a responsibility to at least report all the facts, if he insists on straying from petty celeb gossip and into the world of politics. as for clinton's aide's allegations, the straw grasping there is just damn embarrassing. i knew hillary was going to help elect john mccain. for now, i am supporting obama. i will support clinton if i have to, it's not like i'm a total hater, but she is making that harder for me by the day. ugh. i will be sticking to dlisted.com to get my celeb news from now on. mike might not have the immediate l.a. scoop like perez does, but at least he is HILARIOUS and can actually write.
in other gay blog news, i would like to officially introduce one of my new favorite blogs, gaycondo from portland, oregon. while i do not know any of these folks personally, i was introduced to their blog by new friend kayla, who i met on joe's and my portland trip extravaganza 2007/8. gaycondo is the hilarious adventures and learned musings of an actual condo in pdx filled with gays! well, two gay couples, one male and one female, all four of whom write in the blog. check it out!
there are a few more blogs i have been checking out, but i will need to read them more before i can give my full assessment. blogs are pretty awesome, aren't they? well, when they are used for good and not evil. or if it's evil, at least funny evil.
i will leave you with this little tidbit. the other night i caught the last quarter of the movie "bound" starring jennifer tilly and gina gershon. it is a lesbian classic, to the point that when my friend emily's purse got stolen from this skanky lesbo bar once, the thieves totally used her blockbuster card to rent "bound" and never return it. LOL (years later, that is, not at the time). in case you have never seen it (wtf) you should go out and rent it, because even though it is by no means a "lesbian" movie, it is very stylistic, suspensful, and sexy. kind of a crime classic, i'd say. the trailer is below. anyway, the point is, i'm sure i have written about it before, because it is one of the greatest (and least true) compliments i have ever received, but this past summer, when i was much thinner, this random girl at told me i look like jennifer tilly. i was tickled, to say the least. i guess i do kind of have the slanty-eyes and the lips, but her body is so so hot. i will never look like that, but i suppose getting just a little tiny bit closer to it will make all the lettuce and pickles on lettuce sandwiches and diet rite colas i am going to have to consume that much more worthwhile.
Thank god for you, seriously. I never would have remembered the whole purse stealing incident that led to my blockbuster fiasco if you hadn't have mentioned it. That's fucking hilarious. I mean seriously, could they have been more fucking predictable? Why don't you just go and rent High Art while you're at it.
Fucking lesbians. p.s. they were highland park/eagle rock lesbians. BITCHES!
Posted by: emily | February 19, 2008 at 04:04 PM
FUCKING LOVE this post.
a. Craigslist missed connections in philly were all wholefoods/trader joe's..i dont think it's a lesbian thing as much as just an entire dating thing.
b. I totally wanted to go to dinah and april was like hell no :(
c. You do kinda look like JT!
d. dlisted is much funnier
e. i love the hand claps *really*
Posted by: jenelle | February 19, 2008 at 04:25 PM
hey! you are not the only one boycotting perez hilton! boycottperezhilton.com
Posted by: perez | February 26, 2008 at 01:12 PM