Amanda Failure Princess

okay, i’m not trying to turn this into a sex blog, but in the next few posts i may have a few things to get off my chest.

the first is the subject of labiaplasty. if you will remember, i wrote a post about this surgery a long time ago. to this day, i get loads of google hits from people either looking for more info about getting the surgery, or people who want to see pics of women with “huge labia naked.” good times. basically, it entails having the inner (more commonly) or outer labia reduced in size surgically. it is one of the fastest-growing types of plastic surgery. this is a complicated subject for me because sometimes i go insane and think of all the different plastic surgeries i “need”, so at this point it’s kind of like, “okay, okay, i’ll have one of those too!” but… well, i think this one is the most misogynistic of all. i have read accounts of women having it because their labia are so large it is painful during sex or to ride a bike or whatever, but i have also read that that is extremely uncommon and most of the labiaplasty surgeries being performed today are for cosmetics reasons.

i caught the last 2/3rds of an episode of dr. 90210 the other day where he was performing this surgery on a girl who supposedly had the former problem. but then, after, she kept saying something like, “i’m going to feel so confident with the way i look” and “now i can wear a bikini at the beach.” okay, what? i am fat, so i never shop for swimwear, but i say unless you are rocking the stylish number to the right (which i’m pretty sure is only legal in florida due to the laws of good taste in other states), there would never be the chance of an “inner-lip slip.” she would seriously have to have dumbo wings down there, and the doctor showed the detached skin pieces during the surgery and they were not THAT huge!

which brings me to my side point of why can they show pieces of labia on tv and not labia on a woman? also, in that same episode of dr. 90210 another doctor was performing top surgery on a transman (female to male). he was showing him before and after photos on the computer and the pictures of the guys chests before surgery, with female breasts, were blurred, but the ones post-surgery were not. i don’t know… it just got me thinking. everyone knows you can show a man’s chest on tv and not a woman’s, but i forgot why. decency? and what makes a man’s chest a man’s chest? surgery? hormones? and then it is suddenly “decent”? i am not meaning to be transphobic here, because i am fully behind the fact that a transman is 100% a man, but i really would like to know what makes his body more decent than mine, regardless of which chromosomes he was born with.

anyhoo, some speculate that the real reason labiaplasty is spreading like wildfire, as well as vaginal rejuvenation, and other surgeries that create “designer vaginas,” is that porn has become so mainstream, therefore women suddenly have pictures to compare themselves to. these pictures, however, depict most often an “ideal” that the majority of women don’t live up to, namely tiny or non-existent labia. studies have even shown, however, that men (should you care what they think. i personally do not.) actually prefer larger labia. my google hits are certainly an example of that fact! don’t tell this to the women, though, who are flocking to have this procedure done. this makes me sad. the real reason i love plastic surgery so much is because sometimes it can be SO FUNNY, like the terrifying freaky monsterface ladies on “the real housewives of orange county,” a host of people who are actually famous for a reason, and half the women that used to come into the salon i worked at. man, that shit is hi.lar.ious! i guess, in many ways, this is a societal problem as well, but i like to think that unnecessary plastic surgeries, the chiseled noses, taught-skinned faces, and shiny balloon animal lips, are a present that god (or whomever) gave to those of us who have any perception of reality what-so-ever to look at and giggle. it doesn’t help any of us at all, though, for ladies to be going around messing with the perfection that is the pussy. that is just not funny at all!

so, you are probably thinking, “amanda, if you are so disturbed by all of these google hits re: labiaplasty, why are you writing about it again?” WELL, the reason is before i was a tiny bit ambivalent about it, but i would like to let it be known hereafter that i absolutely denounce this surgery unless it is a serious, painful case. if you landed here on my blog because you are curious to know if you look normal, get yourself a copy of the cunt coloring book, some colored pencils, a case of beer, rent some lesbian porn (mostly boooooring sex scenes, but realistic bodies), and invite over your friends. you don’t have to bring hand mirrors a la the 70s, but talk about it, and you will most definitely learn a lot about what “normal” looks like.