alright, let me be frank, i need to write this fast. the reason for that is that ever since i was a small child, despite being otherwise mild-mannered and compliant, i will get in these moods where everything starts to irritate me and i literally want to DESTROY EVERYTHING IN MY PATH. it could be the smallest thing! for example, right now it’s my glasses, which i have been forced to wear since i lost my last pair of contacts halfway through the trip to portland. my nose has finally had it. it feels like these things are constructed of barbed wire. i just want to rip them off, crush them, and set them ablaze. my laptop is also bothering me. the wrist rest area feels like it is actually slitting my wrists… my skin is crawling… i hate everything. ugh.
okay, not i am tuoinf without my classes on. what do you thin?
nevermind, i put them back on.
i don’t have much to say except it’s really starting to get on my nerves that just because i am in a relationship half of my friends never call me anymore or invite me places. I AM NOT IN A BORING COUPLE. yes, we spend a lot of time together, but we are also trying to spend some healthy time apart and i have many of my own interests. i am determined not to become completely and utterly boring just because i am in love. my friend amy caron always says “i like you and joe because you are a couple, but you’re not boring. you still hang out.” apparently, no one else sees it that way. it’s not like we sit around nude on a bear skin rug playing board games and popping each other’s zits. WE ARE EXCITING. on the other side of the coin, what’s so fun about being single? okay, i admit it: i had a lot of fun being single and if, for some fucked up reason, i should find myself being single again there is no doubt in my mind that i will be fierce as ever at it. i am pretty good at entertaining myself because more often than not, i make myself the entertainment. however, i am also a very lonely person naturally, who hides behind a lot of jokes and booze, and i should think that my friends would be happy that i have met someone who makes me feel like my chest is made of pop rocks and soda (in a good way). i just don’t feel like they are sometimes, and it makes me feel bad.
i need to get out of the house. i spent all day inside today watching tv and doing online work for my boss in a pink robe, which basically means that a) i have achieved my greatest dream, and b) i am going fucking insane! i need to get another part time job that gets me out of the house.
the beauty of living in san gabriel is that i never have to worry about random friends stopping by and catching me in my pjs, the night sky is huge and forgiving, and the train whistle’s lonely wail is strangely comforting. the problem is, this is way to close to home to feel nostalgic. it’s way too close to home to be where i live.
to make matters worse, i am pmsing hard. i nearly started crying when i read about lily allen’s miscarriage the other day, and i took the news of heath ledger’s death today especially hard. don’t get me wrong, both of these things suck really really bad, but i normally don’t get misty over celeb news.
i don’t know, i guess i am just looking for something to occupy my mind right now. for a while, hunting ebay for a replacement for my long-lost black jacket was doing the trick, but i have even lost interest in that.
send any ideas my way, along with a steak. i think i need more iron in my diet.
I sit and read this wearing a pink Hello Kitty bath robe, and for a second I had a creepy surveillance feeling.