Amanda Failure Princess

it’s not that i HATE change. it’s just that i hate not being able to control it and every other aspect of the universe, as long as i’m at it. i don’t like not being able to to make myself feel the exact same way i did at any given time, or have things be the exact same way.

for example, the radio station in l.a. Movin’ 93.9, has changed it’s format after only a few months on the air. WTF??? okay, it’s not radically different, but the tagline used to be “the mix that makes you move” and now it’s “the 70s and 80s mix that makes you move.” this means that, while you can still hear such 80s classics as nice and wild’s “diamond girl,” you will not be hearing any current dance hits, or even any from the 90s. what it also means is that you will hear a shit ton of disco. this is fine if you crash weddings just to hear kool and the gang sing “celebration” or are my mother. if you are anything like me, though, it makes you very sad and depressed because you fucking hate disco.

i dunno, i was going to maybe start an angry letter-writing campaign, but my past angry letter-writing campaigns have all been imaginary, and therefore not very effective. see: the giant misogynistic american apparel billboard on sunset above burrito king. look, i like ass to the point that it is nearly criminal, but that ad is just ridiculous. i report this injustice to you, of course, from beneath the cradling fibers of solid black american apparel super-low v-neck. damn damn!

another change i am lamenting is the loss of jane magazine. i know this is old news, but it’s really just barely starting to sink in. maybe it’s because i am moving back into my old room and realizing that i have PILES AND PILES of old jane mags, as i refuse to throw away anything flammable. i really enjoyed jane because it was super-girly. but with a feminist edge. bust is good too, but it’s not the same. firstly, there isn’t enough makeup in it, and secondly, they seem like they are trying so hard to be liberating to women that they have actually taken things way too far. they talk about penises too much, and how to get one in your mouth and fast, “because you CAN and it’s OKAY to be a feminist and a slut.” i agree, but i don’t need to hear about it that much. plus, i don’t like penises. well, not the kind you can’t sanitize by boiling anyway.

to be honest, the real reason i was extra-bummed at jane’s passing was because i guess i always imagined there would be an article about me in there someday. no, not the cover, but a modest, yet illuminating interview piece. it would feature a picture of me, probably sitting on some stairs, smiling wryly with the side of my face resting in my hand. the subtitle would be “this ‘Failure Princess’ is a real success” and it would be HILARIOUS. oh well. another dream washed away by th cruel tides of time. what are you gonna do?

I KNOW! quit your job with no alternate plan in mind! well, that’s what i did anyway, and i feel GREAT. sure, i am totally fucked financially, but you know, i am tired of sitting around and waiting for something good to happen in my career. i’m going to go out and grab it. i don’t care if i end up writing ebay descriptions for a living, i am going to write professionally. it’s my time to shine, i just know it. well, i actually have no idea, but that’s what i have been told by astrologyzone.com, the psychic that lives with my friend ajai, and most importantly, j, who is totally not blinded by love or breasts.

and so it begins. my search for a job on craigslist, thoughts of going to school, technically living at my mother’s house (don’t tell her, but i am really not living here at all)… all of it. and yet, i am unafraid. some might say this is because i am foolish and spoiled, but i think it’s because this time i am armed with something i have never had before. well, a couple of things.