so basically there are no two people in the world i would rather have sex with than victoria and david beckham, together, bad tatoos and all. i don’t care that i’m a lezzer and he has a cock. seriously, if i found out he had SIX penises, i’d take on every one of them just to bathe in the sweat of this gorgeous man and his tiny, glamourous wife with dykey hair. i just think they are so hot. i watched that coming to america special with her in it and while, honestly, i was half-watching it and half looking at new phones on the internet, i could tell she is funny and oh so charming. i want to make out with her really bad. and she is my hero because she always wears heels and isn’t sorry. i was actually quite inspired by that because lately i have been shamed into wearing mostly flats and i am tired of this discrimination. i am a high femme, goddamn it. i thinnnnnk… whatever, i don’t care, i want to bang the beckhams though.
gonna need to buy some new heels, as all of mine are pretty tired, so it’s a good thing i am moving out of my place and saving money next month. if all goes well, my mom will think i am moving home to save some cash but i will secretly be living in silverlake with lacey, my psychic twin and drill sargent. omg, i am going to get so thin and so in tune with the universe, it won’t even be funny. seriously, it won’t be that funny at all, but it will probs be way more sexy.
like my new phone, 
the samsung SCH-u740! okay, it’s not that sexy and it’s no iPhone or sidekick, but verizon is lame. great service, crap phones. i like to think of its shimmering, gold exterior as a terrible misstep on a ripoff of the dolce and gabbana gold razr. haha, still, they tried, and the double hinge IS pretty cool. i have never had a phone with a querty keyboard before so i am so going to town. AND i have unlimited AIM and text. pretty exciting. wish i could IM at work like a normal spoiled person 
i still like my job, but my boss is bumming me out a little. he is way cool normally, but sometimes he starts power-tripping and i don’t know how to handle that, really. i mean, it’s his company and it’s very small, so it’s cool he wants to be involved in every step, but the word "micromanage" comes to mind. not that i even know what that exactly means, b/c i never went to college, you know. anyways, for a non-related illustrative example:
boss: "you pressed the wrong button, this is the right one."
me: " oh okay, i’m sorry. yeah, i see, that’s the green one, not the red. okay, yes."
boss: "you have to press the green button, not the red one. do you know what i’m saying?"
me: "yes, green button. sure that makes way more sense."
boss: "and, you know, when you press a button, you are basically using your finger and applying pressure to it. do you understand what that means?"
me: "uh, yeah, i definitely know how to press a button. it’s the green one, i see that now."
boss: "well, let’s sit here and you press the red one, that way you can see how it’s different from pressing the green one."
me: *dying inside*
i can most definitely handle criticism, but i don’t like when someone tells you over and over what you did wrong. i just don’t really learn from that. i also don’t like when they think you fucked up one way, but really
you fucked up a different way. i like to OWN my mistakes. the other day i got firmly reprimanded for not listening to the saved messages and no one would listen to me when i was trying to say duh, i totes did listen to them, i just forgot to write one of them down because i am a severely depressed, heavy drinker with sleep disorder. omg, also, today he told us girls we take too many bathroom breaks. i don’t know much about labor history, but i’m pretty sure even those monkeys with typewriters would not have stood for that kind of talk.
in any event, back to sex. i am insanely libidinous lately, which is honestly bizarre and disturbing considering the grief i have been experiencing. or maybe it makes all the sense in the world. i don’t know much about the sexual patterns in my brain and i prefer to keep it that way. just get drunk and fuck! haha, jk. sorta. i have issues… but for now, the matter at hand: i soooo want the cone! the cone is from great britain, just like victoria and david beckham. coincidence? YES! anyway, the cone seems so ridiculous, it just might be amazing! it’s expensive but my friend works at a sex shop, so i can get a discount, and i wanna try this thing! i haven’t bought a sex toy in a long time, though, so maybe i want to get a few instead of blowing so much cash on the cone. aw, but i really like saying "the cone." hmmm.
in this case… maybe cheaper isn’t better. i mean really. i’ve had that mentality before and it’s been a total failure.
get the cone. it shows you like a thousand positions for it on the box. that’s like having a thousand toys.
it’ll probably be worth it to use what you already have until you can afford to have the real goods.
the cone looks scary! i think anything that could double as a peter pan hat might damage my cooch, and i have enough problems already.
girl, you CAN IM @ work.
A little friend of mine called EBUDDY.COM.
abuse it? ABUSE IT.