if each day is a precious gift, then most days you will find me digging through the tissue paper in the box, frantically searching for the receipt.
today was an exception.
i had a decent day at work. i have been holding out on you guys, I GOT A NEW JOB! i haven’t quit Buffalo Kitchen yet, but i have to now because the new job just told me they want me to work full time. it’s a pretty sweet gig, working out of an office in los feliz for a skincare company with cool people. 10-5, not too shabby. lord knows i’m not a morning person, but ten isn’t too bad. and i get to do stuff my crazy little brain loves like filing stuff and being anywhere near beauty products. oh man. today i pre-filed a bunch of invoices and i nearly had an orgasm. plus i have been using the product line and so far i love it. full review to come. omg, plus the pay is really good for me and i get to be at least semi-by the computer.
also, yes, i’m kind of depressed right now, but it feels kind of good and familiar. going out every night and dancing and smiling, sure, that’s great and all, but one must never forget where they come from. i come from sitting in the shower, clutching my knees against my chest beneath the rushing water, imagining that if i could just cry hard enough, the drain would take me too.
hahahahaha. um.
seriously though, i am pretty down. i had some special time alone with myself last night, but i didn’t feel like writing much. amy gave me the new tegan and sara album and i listened to it all the way home from driving her to LAX. bad move. it needs to grow on me, but some of the songs are quite good, and very sad. something about tegan and sara just gets to me. i don’t really know what it is, but it pierces me in the heart part and makes me feel all longing and shit. for what or whom, i do not know.
i haven’t been sleeping well. i still have no curtains and moon and then the sun don’t want me to sleep. been having strange, realistic dreams. the other night i dreamt i was dancing with myself and i woke up clutching one of my dresses. not one of my favorites.
oh, yeah, anyway, back to why today DIDN’T suck. i was really tired at work, obviously. i think it’s so unfair that i’m not going out but i still get no sleep. my brain didn’t really wake up until about 1:30 p.m. and by then i was in full filing swing. good times. i have never had a legit daytime job before. it’s pretty interesting. after two o’clock the day whizzes by.
after work i actually decided to suck it up and go walking around the reservoir. turns out i decided to run most of the way. as they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned excercising. it was pretty incredible, actually. i haven’t run that thing in so long. it felt really good to be out in the sunshine sweating it out. i was pretty shocked i could even run half an inch with how out of shape i am, but i’m thinking all the dancing i do has something to do with it. well, that and the concentrated rage.
so all in all, it was a good day. i am thinking too much and being in my head for the first time in some time, and it is painful, but i think it’s good. i am working hard and working out, which is good. i’m going out tonight sober, which can be oddly entertaining if you’re with the right people, and i will be.
thank you, Whomever, for this decent day.