you know, lately i have been thinking “wait, why is my website called this? i’m not so bad… ” but in the last couple of days i have been jarred back into reality. i am a complete and total fuckup. seriously, it’s almost absurd how i screw up everything and sabotage myself on the constant.
if there is a deadline, you can count on me not to meet it. bill to pay? nope. place i have to be at a certain date or time? nuh-uh. it’s really ridiculous, especially considering i can still remember the exact smell and feel of every fiber in my first love’s school sweater.
i don’t understand how someone so cynical can be so impressionable and naive. i have been so absolutely stupid these last few years, and even months, i can barely see.
i want to be one of those girls with an uncapturable heart, a thirst for any kind of love and for the blood of others, a thirst for… for just about anything. i want to hurt people and never care. i want to be aware of my power and wield it over others. i want to disappear. i want everything i believe in to disappear.
do you guys remember opposite day? that game was so fun. some jackass kid always took it way too far though, and ruined it for everyone. well, i miss opposite day. i wish today were opposite day.
if today were opposite day, i would have enough money to put gas in my car, the only person in the world who absolutely loves me and each quiver from my throat would not be someone i can’t talk to anymore, and my tits would point up.
if today were opposite day, that fourth paragraph would have any truth in it what-so-ever.
one day when i was a kindergarten teacher my class decided that it was opposite day. but because at age 5 most kids haven’t quite grasped numerous concepts (e.g., jokes, how to write tongue twisters, that their teachers don’t necessarily all live together in the school), it was pretty ridiculous. for some reason they decided that the most frequent use of opposite day should be to call each other by the wrong names. that’s not oppposite!