i remember the first time i ever saw the Carol Wright Gifts catalogue on my 
grandma’s front porch. i must have been like, ten or eleven. i happen to LOVE catalogues, obviously, since they combine two of my favorite pastimes: reading and consumerism. but nothing could have prepared me for the wonders that lay within Carol Wright… monogrammed doorstops, “fashion” house dresses for ladies, a boot scraper that sits on your porch and is shaped like a beaver. man alive! it was amazing. as i flipped through the pages, my eyes widening with every turn, i came across a first for me: the first vibrator i ever laid eyes on.
it was called a “personal massager” and the woman in the picture was using it to innocently loosen the knots in her neck, but i knew something was up. the shape was… OH MY GOD, WHAT? they can send this kind of smut to your grandma’s house? this is an outrage, wait, lemme see it again. oh my god! hahaha wow. how great is that. the catalogue came pretty irregularly, but through the years i always enjoyed reading it, until finally i forgot about it completely. last summer my co-worker valerie at the salon brought one in. i almost pissed myself with excitement. on the cover were these sweet terry cloth rompers that are way cooler than the american apparel ones, and when i looked through it i discovered that they still had vibrators, but the whole section is now called “sexual aids” and it includes some pretty kinky shit. well, if you think vibrating cock rings are kinky, and i have a feeling most readers of this particular catalogue do. now that’s progress!
okay, so fast forward to this last fall. i was at my mom’s house and i saw a curious looking publication stuffed into the mailbox. the colorful items on the front and the saucy font led me to the conclusion that it was Carol Wright. my heart leapt with joy, but slowly i began to realize something was terribly wrong. 
this was was the Harriet Carter catalogue, not Carol Wright! i was pretty sure i had seen one before, so i read on. okay, so a lot of the stuff was pretty much the same. in my 
humble opinion, the product discriptions lacked the snappy sass of Carol Wright, but i was impressed by Harriet Carter’s slightly heavier paper and it’s user-friendly smaller size. as i put it down i thought, hmm, not the most satisfying read, but it did the job of distracting me from my utterly depressing life for fifteen minutes. it was then i realized, to my horror, that there were no vibrators in the Harriet Carter Distinctive Gifts catalogue! seriously, what is harriet thinking? how can she expect to compete with carol wright? i almost feel sorry for her, but man did she get her ass whooped. the Carol Wright Catalogue might be the first and/or only porn substitute some people get to see (sad) and they will undoubtedly cherish that and remain loyal to her for the rest of their lives. i know i will.
you can see all this stuff online now at Carol Wright Gifts and Harriet Carter Distinctive Gifts. although if i were you, i would request to receive the catalogue by mail or it’s just not the same.