if you ask me, night time is way better than day time. late at night, you can go out without sunscreen, drive from east l.a. to santa monica in like, twenty minutes, and you can throw your legs over the ledge of a tall building and wonder, “why hasn’t god taken me yet? what have i ever given to this life?” as tears sting your cheeks and the winter-cracked skin of your balled fists.
haha, omg, jk. i am totally not suicidal right now. it’s like, you know how when you have to pee really really bad, you think about what it felt like to not have to pee and curse yourself for taking that feeling for granted? well, i have to pee ALL THE TIME, so really i almost notice more when i don’t have to pee. same for thoughts of suicide. i woke up the other morning and realized, oh my god, i don’t want to kill myself right now. and today, i still don’t want to kill myself! i’m not happy or anything, so don’t get any ideas. just not currently praying for a swift and painless death. hmm. who knew?