dear god,

so, it is becoming increasingly clear that what you have in store is for me to become exactly like my mother.

in general, i don’t really have a problem with this. i love my mom. she is funny, kind, and extremely popular at parties.

i do, however, have one request: if i am to become exactly like her, which incidentally includes being absolutely bat-shit crazy, can it please wait a few years?

all i ask is for ten more years of relative sanity, lord, before i become a raging neurotic.

i don’t think that sounds like too much to ask. i went to catholic school for eight years, getting fear and shame down to a science, and applying that in my daily life. plus, i don’t wanna say you “owe me” anything, but what gives with my disproportionately large upper arms?

thank you, btw, for blessing me with a big, wonderful, fun, warm, caring family whom i love unconditionally. except when i’m PMSing or they call me before noon.

your loving, however gay and fornicating friend,

amanda-faye