as the new year approaches, i sit on my (for the next three days, anyway) couch in my xmas polar bear pjays, wrapped tightly as a newborn babe in a giant fleece blanket, sick as hell.

this sucks because normally i feel that it is practically my DUTY to make a social appearance on new year’s eve. this rules because i didn’t feel like going out anyway and now i don’t have to. i haven’t been in party mode too much lately. generally i try to keep it to myself when i feel on the threshold of greatness, but seeing as i have set up this blog, exposing myself to the world, i am throwing caution to the wind.

haha, omg, speaking of exposing myself, it was NYE last year that i flashed like, 5 cameras at jaime’s party in front of people i barely knew. that night was fun, like way fun, but i’m wondering if events that night set the tone for the whole year. it started with some squabbling, a neighborhood blackout, illicit drug use, and a strange chauffer. then there was more squabbling and illicit drug use. then we rang in the new year at what would later become a frequent scene of annoyance and humiliation, the cha cha lounge. i always call my friends and family i’m not with at midnight, every year, but i couldn’t get reception. coincidence? well, no, probably to be expected, since i never get service at that bar, but still, do you see where i’m going with this? the second stop of the night was a weird party somewhere in god knows where and that involved tons of bickering and outdoor urination. when we finally got to jaime’s house ofter getting lost twice, all was well. we drank and laughed and it was a great time. well, i think it was, i was completely wasted, hence the public nudity. of course, i am an exhibitionist by nature, and i was like, 10 pounds thinner then, but thinking about it now, i’m wondering if the whole being nude in front of people i couldn’t know or trust set the tone for my year.

my year of building and tearing myself down. my year of almosts and kind ofs. my year of being taken places i would rather not go. of trusting foolishly, and foolishness in general.

this new year’s eve i am staying in. mostly because i am sick, but also because i am superstitious and ready for change. i’m going to be 26 fucking years old, for godssake! i mean, i can’t say i will never pee by someone’s garage again, but here’s to one day owning a garage of my own. i want this to be the year i figure myself out. not in a hippydippy emo way, but in a “how the fuck am i going to make a life and home for myself?” way. it doesn’t mean i can’t have any fun, but it does mean i will be choosing my fun more wisely.

so this is my blog. i will try to include pics and funny stories as much as possible, as well as the stuff i care about most, make-up, perfume, and fashion, duh.

oh, and obviously the really depressing things i think about on a daily basis.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!